Wednesday, April 30, 2008


I have a few recommendations. You're welcome.

Lip balm: Smith's Minted Rose by the Rosebud Perfume Co. You know I'm picky about what goes on my lips. They're always chapped. Always. So I always have to have lip balm on me. Always. I start having heart palpitations if I discover that I don't have one in either my pocket or my purse. And they're large, which means I have to be careful with color because I don't want to look like a woman of easy virtues (thank you Don Quixote for that.) So lip stick is right out. And most gloss is out as well because if it's too shiny I look like a 1979 version of a woman of easy virtues. But I love a good tinted lip balm and this one is lovely. It's just the right shade of carefree fun-loving girl mixed with high moral standards that I'm looking for. And it smells a little exotic. Bonus. You can get it at Sephora.

Snacks: *The ones at Henry's. This is my new favorite grocery store, and I'm not ashamed to say it's because of the bulk snack section. They have dozens of really yummy moderately healthy snacks ready for you to fill a bag up with. I'm pretty sure that a bin full of chocolate covered honeycomb equals heaven. Andrea tells me that at her Henry's in the Hot and Angry Desert they have raspberry yogurt covered pretzels (Dear Henry's in Claremont, Please get raspberry yogurt covered pretzels. Love, Rachel). They have many other fine things at Henry's -- the produce is fantastic and the other bulk items like pasta and oatmeal are helpful and cheap -- but it's the snacks that put it over the top.

Guilty Pleasure TV: Robin Hood the series on BBC America. Katie and I have found ourselves addicted to it. We got it from Netflix because it has Richard Armitage in it. If you've seen North and South, which by now you should have, you will know exactly why we got it. And, lucky for us, it happens to be really entertaining. I realized the other day that it's kind of like the A-Team. Outlaws who are on a mission to help people and blow things up in the process. (Admit it, you loved the A-Team and would wait every week to see what sneaky method they would use to get BA on the plane again.) It's predictable, just like the A-Team, in that you know that at some point in the episode they are going to have to break into the castle to rescue someone and will narrowly escape being captured, but it's kind of witty and fun and adventurous. And have I mentioned it has Richard Armitage? Even as a bad guy with greasy hair the dreamboat factor is high.

* Hi! It's me, editing. What I meant to say was Sprouts. It's called Henry's in Chino Hills and Rancho Cucamonga but in Claremont it's Sprouts. I don't know why it's a different name. It's the exact same store.

Monday, April 28, 2008


All that iron and positive good-vein thoughts did the trick. I was at 39% (You need 38%. I am so AP Iron right now.) which wasn't enough to do the magical blood donation where they can use it that day but enough to let me donate whole blood. It took me 16 and a half minutes to fill the bag and I was a little woozy afterwards but it was a success. Let's go out for ice cream to celebrate!

Friday, April 25, 2008

I've been doing the work. I'm not a slacker. Please take my blood.

Dear San Bernardino Blood Bank,

Tomorrow I will be donating blood at the drive you're having at my church. It will be the first time I have even attempted to donate blood in over a year because you always reject me. And it's a little hurtful. I'm not going to lie to spare your feelings. You call me every month and say, "We love you. We love your blood. O+ is the best! Please come." So I come and you tell me that you can't take my blood that you love so much because my iron is too low or my temperature is too high or you don't like the shirt I'm wearing and frankly, I think that makes you a tease.

But I do like to donate blood and I like the cookies and juice that I get afterwards so I'm going to give it a shot tomorrow. And I've been preparing myself for it. Here's a list:

1.) I've had Cream o' Wheat for breakfast every day this week.
2.) I've taken my iron pills every night
3.) I've had plenty of water and have exercised regularly, without passing out, all week so that my blood vessels will be at their best pumping performance and we will not have to relive the "we can't find a good strong vein that will hold the needle so we'll just keep digging around and then eventually switch to the other arm but not before we leave you with an 8 inch bruise" experience of '95, or the even more terrifying "HEMATOMA!!!!" experience of '97 or the "Ah... your blood vessel has dried up and isn't it a shame that you made it this far and can't fill up the bag" experience of '01, '02, and '04.
4.) I have not shared a needle with a man who has had sex with another man from a Sub-Saharan country since 1977.

Not that #4 has ever been an issue (and I personally think you're a little fresh for even asking) but I want to cover all of my bases.

I'll see you tomorrow and you had better be nice. I don't want my mouth tasting like I've been sucking on an I-beam for nothing. And could you please have Oreos? That's my post-blood-letting snack of choice.


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Greasy McGreaster

I think I may have forgotten to rinse out the conditioner from my hair this morning in the shower. Which is truly unfortunate as I always put in an additional leave-in conditioner just before drying my hair. I put it in and then started drying and noticed that after a while my hair felt a little strange and still looked really wet. And it was...wet with grease. It looks like I used Crisco as a styling gel. Classy. The really tragic part is that I was already dressed and had done my make-up and didn't have time to fix it. So I did what any girl does in this situation, I put it back in a ponytail and let a wide headband solve the problem of my rather slick bangs.

In other news - I am now in the felt bookmark business over at Etsy. It really only makes sense. I have more felt than anyone on the planet and few things make me happier than a good bookmark.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Strawberries - EXPOSED!

Here in Southern California we are blessed with strawberry fields. Anytime from February to May you can drive a mile and pick up a flat of them, fresh from the vine.

Or so I thought!

I was driving by one this morning and parked in front of the stand was a truck and inside the truck were hundreds of flats of strawberries and the driver was carrying the flats from the truck to the stand. Where were those strawberries coming from? Oxnard? Florida? Chile?! Who knows? It probably does not help that this morning I was watching the news and they had a story about how most of the produce that we eat is shipped from Chile and now I'm all paranoid.

I guess that they could be from that field and they were picked the day before and taken to the strawberry processing plant for buffing and shining and attractive basket placement and then returned to the stand for sale but a part of me smells conspiracy and I may have to do a little investigating. Does anyone have a fedora and press pass?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Because Amanda has had a rather embarrassing and old-lady-ish experience, I would like to cheer her up by posting this picture:

That's me asking you if you want an eggroll with a side of sweet and sour.

I'm pretty much the same way today. Chubby cheeks, dopey grin, enormous forehead, tumbleweed hair, and eyes that hint of the orient.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


Hey, remember How I called them out? Well, Kelly was nice enough to introduce herself (See, it's lovely when you introduce yourself. New friends!) and let me in on her cute blog and I was over there reading one of her posts where she did one of those things where you come up with silly names for yourself by combinging two things. Like your Hippie name is your favorite fruit and an article of clothing you're wearing (so mine would be Banana Pajamas.) You've all see these, right? But one of them was to come up with your TV Weatherman name by combining the last name of your 5th grade teacher with a city starting with the same letter. Which means that my TV Weatherman name would be O'Clock Orlando. Because my 5th grade teacher's name was Tim O'Clock. No joke. He was really tall and looked like Art Garfunkel, complete with the white man afro, and he drove a Karmann Ghia. He holds a special place in my heart for introducing me to The Outsiders and for cheering me up and bandaging my knee when I fell during a heated game of four-square which I subsequently lost.

Incidentally, is anyone up for a four-square tournament? I've got the big rubber ball, the sidewalk chalk and the mad skills. Who's with me?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

On this day of joy and gladness

I think I may have pulled a muscle from all the fist pumping, high kicking, shoulder shimmying, jazz handing, woot-wooting, booty shaking, finger snapping and heel clicking. The Office is back on and all is right with the World.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

My Passion Runs Deep

Nothing was sounding very appetizing for dinner tonight which means I instantly went to my back-up. Toast. Because toast always sounds good when nothing else does. So, maybe I got a little carried away...

An Ode to Toast

It's dark outside, the hour is late
There's nothing on my dinner plate
And all I want is something great...
Toast! Toast! Toast!

With peanut butter, jam, or honey
Nuetella when I have the money
Especially when my nose is runny...
Toast! Toast! Toast!

The bread is crispy golden brown
So nice and warm I can't put it down
In just a few seconds I'll go to town on...
Toast! Toast! Toast!

Monday, April 7, 2008

I think I'm turning Redneck

I ran into Brett on the stairs this morning and it reminded me that I wanted to discuss facial hair on men. (Facial hair on women can basically be summed up in a few words: wax, bleach, tweezers, and electrolysis. Good luck ladies!*) Brett's working on his annual mountain man beard and in the past I've always been a little anti. Well, not necessarily to Brett's beard because he always does something funny with it when he shaves it off and I can appreciate that, but anti to facial hair in general. I blame the late 90s early 00s when the goatee was gracing every face that could even partially grow one. I'm going to be honest and say that I hate the goatee. It just looks skeevy to me and it tainted my feelings towards all facial hair.

But it stems a little deeper than that because I associate not shaving with laziness. Every so often I'll ask a fella why he's growing a beard and his answer is generally along the lines of, "Eh, I was bored." Which, I would like to point out, does not make any sense. If you were bored you would have taken action, and growing a beard takes no effort on your part. Now, if a fella came in with his beard in a french braid, then that would be a good answer. (Note: I will bake cookies for any man who comes to me with his beard in a french braid.) What the guys mean is that they do it because they can. Like they can pee standing up. Or, more to the point, they can get away with it. I can grow the hair on my legs out too but if I did I would be shunned by society and have to go live in a home for the Ugly and Tragic. So I have a hard time getting past the notion that they're not shaving because they're lazy which makes them inherently flawed and automatic bad providers.

And I thought that for a good long time. Until one day a few months ago I was at Borders and this man walked by me with a full beard and instead of thinking, "Ew," I thought, "Hey there, Handsome." And then the earth stopped rotating for a second because it shocked me. I mean, enough to make me put the book down and ponder what had just happened. Because when have I ever thought that a full beard was anything more than a disgusting catch-all for leftover bits of lunch. Never. And yet there I was, feeling like there was a man who could wrassle a bear and provide for the young'uns. And lazy? How can he possibly be lazy when he's busy chopping all that firewood and building a lean-to out back. Since then I've been noticing guys with beards and thinking, "Yeah, alright, I guess I'm on the beard train**," and praying that Alex Trebek grows his mustache back. I really don't know what's come over me.

This has got me thinking that if my standards can change that quickly on something so fundamental as facial hair, what other ones will change? Will I suddenly like rum raisin ice cream? Will I feel like it was a great idea to bring back leggings? Am I going to find myself at a gun show or a Celine Dion concert? I'm a little scared.

*Once upon a time I was in Ralph's and saw this tragic 10 year old girl with a mustache. I desperately wanted to hustle her down to the beauty aisle and say, "Little Girl, let me introduce you to Sally Hansen."
**I'm talking about a full beard here. I'm still morally opposed to goatees.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

A Break from Spring Break

Well, my spring break is over and it's back to work, or rather, finding work. Lucky!! My week consisted mainly of: Staying up 18 hours past my bed time every night, painting pottery, eating out every day, 4 trips to Bert & Rocky's, going to a funeral, visiting a wee baby in the NICU (and I mean 1 lb 7 oz kind of wee, which is 7 oz bigger than he was 2 weeks ago), playing hide and seek at the Huntington Library, trips to the airport, trips to Pasadena, trips to the Claremont Village with Cynde my BFF like we use to when we were kids, eating my weight in ice cream, making hats for Not So Flat Andrea (wait for the pictures. Va-va-va-voom!), making signs for Amanda's triumphal return from the Frozen Tundra, playing with Stacy and Ben, buying toilet paper at Walgreens at 5am, going to the movies, fancy soap shopping, did I mention ice cream, and cheese cake, there's been some cheese cake too, laughing at Hayden's cow imitation (Mmmrrr.), crying through general conference, and laughing for days with all my funny, funny friends. Never has one girl been so lucky to have such hysterical and wonderful people in her life. Thanks for a wonderful week everyone. I've got memories enough to last me a whole lot longer than a tattoo. And now I really need a nap. Seriously. Where's my pillow?

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Dear Everyone I've Spent Any Time With This Week,

Do you have a deal with Bert & Rocky's? Just be straight with me, okay. I don't care if you do but I just need to know because it seems like what you people want more than anything is ice cream. I've been 3 times this week and then Stacy just called to ask if we could get some tonight. You know I can't turn down ice cream! I'm just saying that someone is going to have to pay for these extra 10 pounds that have landed on my butt and it seems like it's going to be me. I'm not happy about it. Okay, I'm happy when I'm eating the ice cream but afterwards, I'm pretty bitter. How about next week you all suggest celery.

Love, Rachel

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Spring Break

I use to get a spring break. Well, I use to use my vacation hours to get a spring break but it was always the week of the actual spring break, so you get it. I was a little sad that I wouldn't get one this year. (Dear Rachel, Couldn't your life be viewed currently as an extended spring break? Love, Everyone. Dear, Everyone, Yes. If spring break consisted of filling out applications and honing my gas siphoning skills. Love, Me.) But I can cheer up because suddenly this week has turned into my spring break. You should see my calendar. It's packed with fun (and cheap) outings (well, cheap if I actually do learn to siphon gas).

Cynde is in town (sad reasons, let's not talk about it.) and she's staying with me and we stayed up late last night laughing and coloring. Ah, coloring. I could write an entire dissertation on the joys of coloring. And Amanda comes into town this afternoon and we will no doubt stay up late laughing and maybe coloring some more. Seriously, I love it so much. I'm taking my little 10 year old buddy to the Huntington Library tomorrow (Yeah, so I have a 10 year old friend. You would want to hang out with her too if you knew her. Adorable.) and we have tickets to the Getty Villa on Friday. And general conference is this weekend. Wahoo!

Okay, so maybe my idea of an awesome spring break is slightly different from other people who drink too much and get tattoos and venereal diseases down in Florida, but for an 80 year old, I think my plans sound pretty fun.