Friday, June 24, 2016

Get out of my head, Charles Dickens!

1. I hate to break it to everyone but that Strawberry Moon everyone was talking about the other night may not have been special and rare for the reason they thought it was special and rare. We get a Strawberry Moon every June. That's just the name of the full moon in June. March is the Worm Moon. October is the Hunter's Moon. Any red or pink tint to it was just plain old pollution. Or in our case, smoke. What made this particular Strawberry Moon special was that it came on the summer solstice. That is the rare and special bit. Which means it was the perfect time to get all those pagan rituals checked off your to-do list.

2. I finally got around to changing two sprinkler on the back yard. I've changed one before and it was surprisingly simple so I figured I could do it in a jiff. And I would have, except that when I was unscrewing the broken sprinkler the thingy that it screws into that connects it to the pipe broke off inside of it, thus necessitating: 1. digging an enormous hole around the pipe and what remained of the broken thingy, 2. trying every wrench in the tool chest to get the broken thingy off, 3. driving down to Home Depot with the sprinkler and the broken thingy in a bag, 4. running into my home teacher and go-to gardening guy Rex IN THE SPRINKLER AISLE of all places and 5. having him point out all the things I would need plus getting some helpful tips from him on sprinkler maintenance.  After some minor issues with the new sprinklers (lesson learned: get the kind with the screw-on top) I was good and muddy and the grass is now getting plenty of water. Look at all the things I am learning! Six months ago all I could tell you about sprinklers was that you should avoid running over them with a law mower and now I know all sorts of interesting things. Like, for example, the thingy is called a riser and it is used to adjust the height of your sprinkler in relation to the pipe.

3. I finished Bleakhouse by Charles Dickens. This took my entire life to read. It was 850 pages of the smallest print imaginable. It's basically the size of the Old Testament. But I loved it and miss it because it has been my friend for many weeks. And also because I think I may be the reincarnate Dickens. And here's why. His character Esther said, "I sobbed a little still, but that was because I had been crying, not because I was crying then." THIS IS MY CONDITION! How many times have I cried because I had been crying? Hundreds of times! Crying begets crying. People who don't have this happen to them don't understand this phenomenon but Dickens clearly does. There were many, many times throughout the book where I would sigh and say, "Dickens just gets me." I suppose this is what makes a good writer. The good ones can tell a story far outside your realm and yet connect with you with feelings you recognize instantly. Geez, Dickens. Come back to life so you can be my boyfriend.

4. Joe Cocker's "Feeling'Alright" came on my iTunes this morning, which is always a treat because I love it, and for the first time I noticed the cover art for the album. Prepare yourself:


What is even going on here? There was a meeting, I'm sure. Producers and executives and agents and probably even Joe were sitting around a studio conference room and all of them were like, "I think we should go with the picture where he looks like a cross between Baby Huey and Dr. Frankenfurter." The thing is, this is a pretty accurate depiction of what he looks like when he performs. I always feel super awkward watching him. I won't make you. I'll just post this video of the song with some psychedelic visuals. Let's get your weekend started off right.

Monday, June 20, 2016

"And I can't stand him."

Greetings from Satan's Broiler. It is HOT here. If I left out a pan of fruit puree in the morning I could have fruit leather when I got home from work. Every time I step outside my mind starts screeching, "We're all going to diiiiiiiiiieeeee!!!!!"  And I can feel all the water in my body leaving the extremities for my core to keep my vital organs working. On top of this our mountains are on fire. Which makes for a very cozy armageddon, don't you think. Sometimes California is all, "You think you can tame me. Well, think again, darlings!" And then we are forced to recall that we live in a desert wilderness that's prone to fires and floods and sits on top of a fault line. Hey, come visit! We'll have the air on.

Remember how I last wrote about going to see To Kill a Mockingbird at the Million Dollar Theater and how it was so hot I thought the sweat pooling up on my back was going to soak through my shirt and ruin the faux-leather seats? Well, Lindsay, Susie, and I went to the Theater at the Ace Hotel, another glorious old beauty in downtown, to watch Singing in the Rain and mercifully, it had air conditioning. I mean, I didn't need a sweater or anything but I also didn't require an IV of fluids to rehydrate after the show. And it is so gaudy I could cry. Gaudy in the best possible way. I think the designers came in and said, "I'm thinking King Triton meets Liberace. Let's just filigree the heck out of this thing and go from there!" For the record, if someone compared my decor to Liberace I would think it was the highest compliment.





Ariel? Is that you swimming by? Your dad's pretty mad. 

Fun fact: at one point during its lean years a church bought it. Can you imagine?! 

Before the movie none other than Gene Kelly's wife came out and told us some stories about the movie. Now, before you start wondering how they wheeled a hospital bed out onto the stage because of her advanced age, let me tell you that he was 77 when they married in 1990 ...and she was 31. Which means that she wasn't even alive when Singing in the Rain came out. No judgement. Gene Kelly oozes charisma.

Isn't Singing in the Rain just the best? Don't you feel so happy when you watch it? This is actually the second time I've seen it in a fancy theater. I watched it several years ago at the Egyptian in Hollywood (sadly lacking in excess filigree) and I've watched it a couple times at summer movies in the park. Watching it with a crowd is the best because it really increases my love for the human race when I hear people laughing at parts I laugh at.



via GIPHY

Thursday, June 9, 2016

More seersucker, please

Success of the week: I watched To Kill a Mockingbird and I didn't sob openly, as I normally do. I mean, I cried because I have a soul, but it wasn't my normal blubbering. This is probably because I was watching it in the Million Dollar Theater in LA which was built in 1918 and they didn't think about air conditioning back then so all of the moisture that would have gone to tears had been sweated out. I mean, I'm sure that they did think of air conditioning in the abstract as in, "Geez, this cotton petticoat is a killer. I wish that this gorgeous building had some kind of internal cooling system. Well, I'm glad I brought my fan from Olvera Street." As I assume Olvera Street was the number one source for cheap decorative fans back in Days of Yore as it is today. So there's no air conditioning in the Million Dollar Theater and you can really feel it when you're sitting on faux leather seats with a few thousand other sweltering saps. As we were herding ourselves out through the lobby into the cool night air there was also a very pungent aroma of marinating human emanating from us all.

And yet, while we were watching the courtroom scene I really got how those people must have felt sitting in there on a hot southern summer afternoon. So maybe there is air conditioning and the good people of the Los Angeles Conservancy were just trying to create atmosphere.  Well done, guys!

Also there for atmosphere: Atticus' seersucker suit coat:


I will say this forever, you just can't beat a seersucker suit and I wish that more men would wear them. They are so genteel.

Here's something funny, I got the idea that there were several people in the theater who had never read nor seen To Kill a Mockingbird. Because there were audible gasps when the verdict was read and when Bob Ewell attacked the kids. Does this seem possible? I know that my love for both the film and the book border on crazy but did these people not go to school? Isn't it required reading? It made me want to ask someone what else they had never read. And then I wondered what reading gaps do I have that would shock people. Watership Down? 1984? Animal Farm? The Hobbit? (Although I have really tried with that one.)

Before the show we went to the finally re-opened Clifton's Cafeteria. And when I say cafeteria, I'm not kidding. You walk down rows of food with your tray and pick up what you want. I had the meat loaf and apple pie because what else would you get at a cafeteria? This place has been around for decades but it closed for remodeling several years ago and took forever to reopen so I was excited to go. The food was good and plentiful, but pricey. I suppose you're paying for nostalgia and all the kitsch. It is Kitsch Heaven. And a place for all your taxidermy dreams to come true. We ate right next to a stuffed raccoon. We were running late for the show so we didn't get a chance to look around as much as we had hoped but I don't think it's going anywhere so I feel pretty good about my chances of going back. I've heard they have a meteorite there which I obviously need to see. And Ray Bradbury spent years hanging out there, writing and holding court, and you can sit in his booth. Confession: Bradbury was a gap in my reading until a few years ago when I finally got around to Fahrenheit 451

Monday, June 6, 2016

Summer of Culture

1. On a trip to Utah last weekend we got to celebrate Camille's birthday with fancy tacos at Oteo in Lindon and fancy ice cream at Taste in Provo. Look, I generally prefer cheap tacos and ice cream. In fact, once the price starts to go up on a taco you begin to wonder if people even know what a taco is. But these were gooooood. Even a great taco can be improved with a homemade tortilla. Okay, all of life is improved with a homemade tortilla. I should learn how to make them, right? But I'm not going to get a fancy taco press because I am opposed to kitchen tools that only do one job if that job can be done with a multi-purpose tool you already own. Avocado scooper/slicer? Junk, if you have a spoon and a knife.

2. Aside from Camille's birthday we were up in Utah for Tom's baptism.

This kid. There isn't a sweeter human being on the planet. He is loving and generous and funny.

3. Speaking of sweet kids, I went back to Upland last night to see the kids from my first seminary class graduate, to openly weep over them, and to refrain from bursting into an overly-dramatic rendition of Sunrise, Sunset. They're awesome. I mean, each and every one of them is just fantastic. I was pretty nervous to teach seminary and these kids made it (relatively) easy. Oh how I love them.

4. The summer of cultural events has begun. Don't you just love all the fun things that you do during the summer? Concerts and plays and outdoor movies. Winter Rachel is all, "Bed. Cocoa. Cozy nights in, please." But Summer Rachel is all, "Let's go out and be enriched in the sunshine and the cool evening breezes." Last week Katie, Lindsay, Susie and I went to see 42nd Street in Hollywood. I've seen it before but let me tell you, I would see it a million times because: tap dancing. It is packed with tap dancing. And there is nothing more joyful than 40 people tap dancing in sparkly outfits to Irving Berlin songs. If it comes your way you have to see it. Locals, it's playing at the Pantages for a few more weeks. Treat yo self.

5. And treat yo self to this picture of Ron Swanson and Prince Harry after a polo match with Prince William awkwardly waving in the background.


I wonder where polo ranks on the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.