The Haftan

The nice thing about not having any extra money to spend is that I can try on whatever clothes I want without having to worry about the cost.  Everything is outside of my budget so why not try everything on?  I had an hour to kill before the movie last night so I headed over to Macy's to play dress up and while perusing the selection came across this little number:

You guys!  It's an orange and cream zebra print halftan!!*  Because of the spending moratorium the only price that would have worked for me was free but oh how I laughed myself silly in the dressing room.  It is so Golden Girls!  Doesn't it just make your day?!  And don't you wish it came with a turban, a pair of silk pants, and a stack of personalized stationary?  If it did I could go as a legitimate Woman of Elegant Leisure for Halloween.

I'm not sad about leaving it in the store because twice before I have found pieces that I loved during a spending moratorium and have gone back months later once I could spend again and have found them significantly reduced and in my size.  If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.  And then I can get down to some serious lounging.  A turban should be easy to make, right?

*A caftan that only goes to the hips. Rotating the picture cut off the bottom.

It won't make me look like a marshmallow

Do you know what the number one thing is that people say when they find out I will be living in Tunisia for 3 months, after "Where is Tunisia?"

They say, sort of squealy like, "Ooh! You could meet someone there!" As in I could find a husband. As in I have a better shot of finding a single, non-weird, employed Mormon guy in north Africa than I do here.

Well, since it's such a sure bet it's lucky that I found this:



No, not the chocolate covered pretzels, although I'll take one if you're offering. The dress. I'm talking about the dress. Laura is getting married so she has a stash of wedding magazines and I was flipping through one while we were waiting in line for the Michael Jackson sing along and found this dress. I didn't say a word, I just held it up for the girls to see and without any hesitation or discussion they all collectively said, "Yep. That's your wedding dress."

It was a bit of a magical moment for me and I'll tell you why. I have never been one of those girls who for years has been working up her dream wedding in her mind. I just could never imagine it. Imagine Abba getting back together and them asking me to join as a backup singer/choreographer/costume designer/hair stylist? A dozen times. But a wedding? Nope. And what I especially was never able to envision was a wedding dress. It's the whole white and formal and long business that would trip me up every time because white and formal and long do not mix with short and stumpy. Plus, and probably more importantly, I can't even get a date. So wedding type stuff doesn't ever enter my head unless I'm watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and then it is mostly disgust and cynicism at how much money people are willing to spend on just one day.

So when I saw this dress it surprised me to no end. Because it wasn't white and formal and long and it had elbow sleeves and a great neck line and a cinched waist and tulle peeking out from underneath! And for crying out loud, that gold bag! It calls to me in my sleep. And beyond the surprise it was an enormous relief. Because if by chance I meet some guy who is willing to 1.) marry me and 2.) go along with my (genius!) idea of a bowling alley reception and we can convince his mom that it won't be as tacky as she thinks it will be (okay, maybe a little tacky.) and I feel like I need to dress up a little instead of wearing a bowling shirt with "Bride" stitched onto it like I have always intended, it is such a load off my mind to know that I actually have an option.

Let's hope that my Tunisian Boyfriend is game.

Things that make me look short and consumptive

I've been trying to find an outfit for my brother's wedding and I've come across a wall of Post-in Note yellow.  And sweat pants gray.  And Malibu Barbie pink.  It's the triumvirate of colors that make me look consumptive.

And animal print.  Oh, the animal prints.  I tried on several dresses that had it because I believe in the Stacy and Clinton rule of trying everything on.  And there were several that looked pretty good on me but I just can't be that girl.  The girl who wears a leopard print dress to her brother's wedding.  Although think of the jokes I could make when the inevitable question is asked at the reception, "So, are you married?"  "No, but I'm on the prowl."  Hardy-har-har!

I have also seen a lot of maxi dresses - which would be great considering that we're stopping at a buffet in Vegas on our way out to St. George.  But I'm 5'3" and I'd like to stay away from things that make me look even stumpier than I am.

I did end up finding something that wasn't pink, gray, yellow, maxi, or wildernessy.  It has a shrug that is the exact same shade of green as both a long coat and a short jacket I own.  It looks like green is my new purple. (This is where I would insert a link to the post I wrote about how I had to ban myself from buying purple clothes because I had so many due to my royal inclinations - only, I can't find it.)

Speaking of my brother Casey, did I tell you about the bachelor party my sisters and I threw for him?  No, I don't think I did.  It was wild.  We first stopped off at Grandpa's apartment to deliver some medication, then we went to Honolulu Harry's and ate sweat potato stacks, then we got really crazy and went to Rite-Aid to get Thrify's ice cream cones (Casey got a TRIPLE SCOOP!) then it was back home to hang out with our parents.  They could make a reality show about how nuts we are.