Gary the CPA

Some things about Gary the CPA that are important to know besides not asking about his ex-wife, because trust me, he will bring it up all on his own:

1.) About 3 times a day Gary will stand up from his desk, walk over to his window, and floss his teeth. And it's not just casual flossing, it's vigorous gum-splitting flossing, with very loud teeth sucking. When he's done he takes one good stretch and goes back to his desk.

2.) He loves golf and will occasionally work on his putting when he's not flossing. Sometimes for hours.

3.) Come to think of it, I've never actually seen him do work. He's in here all the time but when he's at his desk he's always on the phone talking about movies or his son will be in talking to him about movies or he's in the break room watching a movie.

4.) Do not get stuck in the break room with Gary. Maybe this is just me. I'm very protective of my lunch break. When I'm on it I like to eat my lunch and read my book in complete silence. I don't like to talk to people. Especially now that I have to talk to people all day long. (Knights of Columbus! You would not believe the amount of talking this job requires.) But there is no silence with Gary in the break room. There is talking. About him. And movies. And his cousins. I nearly faked a stroke yesterday just to get some peace.

5.) Speaking about those cousins...Gary is related to every black person in America. Especially the famous ones. Like, for instance, his cousin is Tyra Banks' step-dad (Don't think I won't use this to my benefit. Hello ANTM photo shoot!), and his cousin produces movies with Tyler Perry. And his cousin's daughter is on the Young and the Restless. And who was that playing the piano at his cousin's funeral? Little Richard, who happened to be the father of his cousins ex-daughter-in-law.