A bunch of stuff that will fascinate you

There are a few questions in this post. Feel free to answer some or all of them. Or you can just say, with attitude of course, "Whatever! I'm on summer vacation."

1.) I'm sending Flat Rachel to New York to visit Valerie. Because she asked. And also because I can't find the slips of paper with all your names on them to throw into the sombrero and I just don't feel much like making new ones. Watch out, Val. She will eat all your ice cream in the middle of the night and then blame it on the dog. Even when you don't have one.

Question: If you could send the flat version of yourself anywhere in the world, where would it be?

2.) Every time I watch So You Think You Can Dance I want to cut my hair short like Mia Michaels. But you must PROMISE ME that you will not let me. There is only Woe and Despair and free room and board at the Home for the Sad and Tragic when I cut my hair short.

Question: Have you ever cut your hair short? Did you love it or hate it? Will you promise to save me and my hair from myself if I threaten to attempt it?

3.) Gina and Chris are in town so we all went to Disneyland on Monday. We had a discussion about how when you're at Disneyland it's perfectly acceptable to wave to complete strangers for no reason at all - something you would never do outside in the real world. But there's something about seeing people while you're on a ride that makes you want to wave to everyone. Like, "Look at me! I'm having fun! Let's be friends! And by the way you shouldn't being wearing socks with those sandals, you rube!" So we found ourselves on Casey Jr. and we were waving to the people riding the Storybook boats down below when suddenly this rather hairy man starts blowing kisses at me. And every time we would cross paths, which was often as the rides circle around each other, he would spot me and blow kisses in a rather exaggerated fashion. Waving to strangers can get you a boyfriend! But alas, we were not meant to be. He wasn't waiting for me when I got off the train which makes me think that he's probably a jerk who chews with his mouth open and is mean to his mother. Boy, did I dodge that bullet.

Question: What is your favorite ride at Disneyland?

4.) I just got my itinerary to Tunis. LA to Minneapolis/St. Paul to New York to Montreal to Paris to Tunis. That's 5 opportunities to sip ginger ale while trying to avoid awkward small talk with my neighbor. I am so bad at airplane small talk. It's the combination of the tight quarters and the common destination that makes me think that we're now best friends so I instantly start off with a sarcastic joke, such as, "Did you notice our pilot's glass eye?" and suddenly they're buzzing for the stewardess to bring them a stiff drink. Although I have found that this strategy either stifles further awkward small talk for the remainder of the flight or reveals a kindred spirit who will pull out the crayons when you suggest making hand puppets out of your barf bags.

Question: What is your favorite airplane beverage?

Flat Rachel's Big Hot Adventure on the Surface of the Sun

Here's Andrea's post about her adventure with Flat Rachel complete with my commentary in purple. 

We had a visitor a few weeks ago. Not just any visitor...Flat Rachel came to stay with us! Flat Rachel belongs to my friend, Rachel. For those of you that do not know Rachel I think you should.  (I've redacted this part.  I paid her to say nice things about me in her blog but it seems a little self serving in my own.)  Well based off of the book Flat Stanley, Rachel decided it would be fun to send her Flat Rachel to friends this summer. She's calling it "Flat Rachel's Summer 'o Fun '010!" Flat Rachel is already lined up to go to such fascinating places as New Zealand, Tunisia, New York, Utah, and Nebraska. But lucky for us we got to be the first ones to host her right here in Chandler, AZ!

When Flat Rachel arrived her instructions told us we only had her for one week, we had to try something new/adventurous, and we were to take lots of pictures. She arrived on a Friday night, Andrew and I just so happened to be babysitting our nieces when she got here. They were quick to show her a good time. They shared their light sticks with her (somehow Andrew always seems to have those things around when the girls are over).  (Don't you love how FR looks like an astronaut with that glow stick around her head?!)

That evening we decided to take Flat Rachel to the park that is located in our neighborhood. It was a new experience for all since none of us had played in it yet. Paige took her down the slide,

Aubrey did flips with her, (It's good that FR didn't do any flips.  She's a barfer.)

she climbed the rock wall with me, (Brave!)

and we all made some funny faces for the camera.  (So because FR's face is the same does this mean she has a naturally funny face?)

It was a good time had by all, although it was hot! Did I mention that the weekend Flat Rachel arrived it was the first time the temperature got up to 110 degrees this year? When we were done at the park we came straight home and each had a bowl of ice cream. Flat Rachel was truly grateful for that. (You know it.)

I feel bad because I had all sorts of activities I wanted to do with Flat Rachel while she was here for a week. And then I got struck with that horrible stomach flu. Flat Rachel stayed as far away from me as she could (and to all those that will be hosting Flat Rachel, don't worry she's germ free, I am the queen of Lysol wipes.) She was very nice not to let her boredom show, and she enjoyed being able to stay indoors away from the heat and helped herself to a few good books and our cozy guest bed.  (Did you really think I would make a flat version of myself that wasn't a Woman of Elegant Leisure?  As if.  Flat Rachel knows how to take a day in bed.)

By the time I was over my bug it was time for me to send Flat Rachel off to her next adventure. I felt so bad I wasn't able to give her a true Arizona experience. So on the last day she stayed with us I took her to work with me to ASU. On my lunch breaks I like to take walks around campus. Each time I pass by the life science building I see a sign that advertises "the only complete collection of Arizona rattlesnakes in the world". So Flat Rachel and I nervously went into the exhibit together. Some exhibit. This was the only snake we could find:

I guess the rattlesnake collection got hit with the recent budget cuts as well. We continued on our walk and Flat Rachel begged me to try out one of these:  (As Real Rachel would too.  The first thing on my shopping list for the Wealthy Benefactor is one of these.)

She loved it. Then she got away from me. After a little bit of searching I found her here:

Do you think she was trying to hint at something to me? Notice she picked the AZ Night Life box. I hope she wasn't too bored during her stay with us!  (It's a shame FR didn't pack her bikini.  She would have fit in with the girls to the left.)

Flat Rachel enjoyed her day on campus and I enjoyed having some company with me at work. After such a long work day we needed an escape to paradise. So Andrew and I took Flat Rachel and met up with my sister's family in Kokomo. No, not that Kokomo (do I have you all singing the Beach Boys right now?) but rather the newest frozen yogurt shop in Chandler. It's a self serve shop which apparently is all the rage these days. (All the rage for nothing.  I'm not a fan of the self-serve.  I especially think it's a bit ridiculous that there is a tip jar at the register of everyone I've been to.  So now you're going to watch me dish up my own yogurt and you want a tip?  Sorry for the rant.  Back to FR.)  It was delicious but expensive. We all decided the next time we'll stick to Golden Spoon and let the workers serve us instead. But we still enjoyed ourselves and the yogurt, and the girls were very excited to see Flat Rachel again. In fact Rachel (the real one) is lucky I was able to pry Flat Rachel out of the girls hands to send her home.

We loved having Flat Rachel stay with us, and would love to host her again. Hopefully we won't be so boring the next time. But really, when it's this hot you kind of don't feel like doing anything. Here's hoping Flat Rachel can cool off and have an amazing time with the rest of her Summer 'o Fun '010!

This was great!  Exactly what I envisioned.  Especially all the ice cream and yogurt.  Can the rest of you picture Andrea in the snake room?  Yeah, me neither.  And yet because of Flat Rachel she did it.  I'm a huge fan of this experiment.  Thanks for playing Andrea!

Leg II of Flat Rachel's Summer 'o Fun '010

Guess who was waiting on my doorstep when I got home from work.

Flat Rachel.

She spent leg 1 of Flat Rachel's Summer 'o Fun '010 visiting Andrea on the surface of the sun.

Or, Arizona. 

She had a grand time.  Andrea wrote all about it on her private blog.  Because she doesn't like you.  But maybe, if we sweet talk her a little, she will let me cut and paste her adorable post for all of you to see the fun things she did with Flat Rachel.  There are snakes involved!  Or, one snake, rather.  And ice cream.

So while we're waiting on that Flat Rachel will hop back into the sombrero

and draw a name out to see where she's heading to next:

My dear friend Short Rachel!!!!!

Rac* and I have this tragic tradition going on where the few times we've been able to see each other in the 10 years since we've been college roommates one or both of us has become violently ill.  And I do mean violently.  I can honestly say that I have never been sicker, nor prayed for death harder, then that night after we got together back in 2008.  And poor Rac was having a hard time of things after she drove all the way down to Provo to visit with me when I was up there in February.  And then I fell to it about a week later.  How about a third incident:  the day after her wedding in 2002.  I drove back from Utah and then went straight to a James Taylor concert at the Hollywood Bowl and then drove home from that in the back of a van in the midnight traffic LA is so famous for and the spent the rest of the night throwing up everything I've ever eaten in my entire life. 

We must break this cycle, Rac!  We lived together for 3 whole years and I don't remember ever up-chucking my spleen.  Surely we can get back to what we once were - that being girls who don't barf every time they see each other.  Maybe Flat Rachel visiting you can ease us back into that.

Although, I should warn you that the whole week she was in Arizona Andrea had the stomach flu.

Drat.

I'll Lysol her down before I mail her and we'll hope for the best.

*I don't think I've ever explained why I call her Rac.  Here it goes:  We both had funny tales of slaughtered names.  I am regularly called "Rachelle Necht".  And her maiden name is Farnsworth, which was long enough to cause her name to be cut off on roll sheets, like thus, "Farnsworth, Rac".  She said that teachers on the first day of school would always call out for "Rac Franworth". 

Flat Rachel Cannot Recite Poetry

1.)  Happy Memorial Day.  Would you like me to recite "In Flanders Fields"?  I just memorized it.  I read it every year on Memorial Day but I'm always envious of people who have poems memorized and at the ready and I thought, I could be that person!  I could be the envy of weirdos like me the world over!  And now I am.  Or will be until the poem decides to flit out of my brain as most things do. 

2.)  Even though Memorial Day is still in the spring I think we can all agree that it kicks off summer.  And so it will also kick off Flat Rachel's Summer 'o Fun '010!  Instead of making up an itinerary for her I have decided to just draw names out of a hat.  Or, in this case, a sombrero:

Here's FR waiting on pins and needles to see who she will go to first:

Who will it be!?!?!

Andrea!  What a relief.  Can you imagine FR braving the Arizona sun in August with her fair skin?  June is much more acceptable. 

I'll be sending her off tomorrow with her sunscreen, a few books and some instructions (namely:  don't keep her for more than a week; you must do one new and/or adventurous activity with her; you must document said activity; she likes a bowl of ice cream before bed.) and we'll hear all about it when she returns.  This is going to be fun.  Thanks for humoring me.

Don't put the turkey in the dishwasher

1.)  At Relief Society tonight we learned about freezing food.  We got a handout that told us all about it and in it there was a section about safe defrosting.  Basically it said to do it in the fridge, and to not do it in several placed, including 1.)  the car and 2.) the dishwasher.  This makes me believe that there have been people who, on Thanksgiving morning, started panicking that their turkey wasn't thawed so they just strapped it into their car and ran some errands.  Or threw it in the dishwasher with a few dirty forks and ran a load.  I really hope so.

2.)  Oh, the grand time Flat Rachel is going to have during her Summer of Fun.  New Zealand!  Tunisia!  New York!  Arizona!  Utah!  Nebraska!  The exotic southern California Wine Country with a possible field trip to THE Ohio!  Cerritos with a possible field trip to Bakersfield!  Plus Chris has promised dance class and bedazzled pants.  I'm pretty sure I'm already jealous of my flat self.  Here's the plan:  If you want to participate email me your address and I'll work up an itinerary.  I was thinking that instead of you sending her back to me you could send her on to her next location and we'll see how far she can go.  I'll work out the details and get her a passport and pack some sunscreen and we'll get this rolling.  I'm very excited.  I plan to throw her a big welcome home party when she gets back.  There will be a slide show.  And popsicles.

Flat Rachel's Summer of Fun

I did a mighty cleaning of my desk tonight.  It was to the point where I was moving stacks of papers from my desk to my bed and back again each day just to get to my computer.  That is a bit ridiculous, right?  Right. 

So I purged. 

And look who I found!!!

Flat Rachel!  Years and years and years ago my friends and I got together and made flat versions of ourselves to send out on grand adventures.  Inspired, natch, by Flat Stanley, who was flattened by a bulletin board and then shipped off in an envelope to visit a friend across the country.  His mom packed him a lunch for the trip and just put it in the envelope with him.  Clever. 

I clearly used creative license because my hair has never looked that luxurious.  Nor did I ever own a sweater like that.  And I'm not so much of a dork to wear my camera around my neck, unless it's for laughs.  Let's say that Flat Rachel is doing it for laughs and forgive her.  But I do own red shoes and ill-fitting jeans.  Also, don't you just love how Wee Chinese Rachel is looking over her shoulder.  No doubt whispering Secrets of the Orient in her ear.  And yes, I keep WCR up in that nook all the time.  I sometimes need reminding that I'm a happy person by nature and if that picture can't convince me then nothing can.

I think it may be time for Flat Rachel to have an adventure.  Any takers?  I'll mail her to you and you take her around the neighborhood to see the sights and document it, then you send her back and email me the pictures and I post the best ones right here and we can all live vicariously through you and your awesome life.  It doesn't matter if you live near or far, she is up for anything.  And the more the merrier.  This can be Flat Rachel's Summer of Fun. 

There are a few rules though.  1.)  You must promise to send her back.  2.)  And to do so in a timely manner.  None of this holding on to her for months business.  I say this because I have been known to do just that due to my fear of postal workers.  3.)  You must treat her as an out of town guest, meaning you must do something fun to entertain her, like go out to eat or to a museum or the beach.  I'm not saying you have to be extravagant, just a little creative.  I'm pretty sure you'll thank me for it later.