Comma Coma

Katie needed something edited so I got out a pen and started reading.  And when I needed to verify a certain grammatical rule I pulled out the old Chicago Manual of Style...and spent the next 30 minutes reading it like a novel.  Because what the real party girls do on a Thursday night is read up on the proper use of a comma in a compound sentence.  (Conclusion:  historically, yes.  But used more so now only if it is needed to clear up ambiguities.)

While we're on the subject, I'd like to go on the record as stating I am for the Oxford, or serial, comma, even though it is going the way of Pluto.  I think it helps in clarification, continuity, and aesthetics.

And now I'm going to go put on a muumuu and find myself a few cats because I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life if I keep talking about commas.

Kwik, someone get me a sedative

I'm putting Utah on notice for a gross misuse of the letter K.  Over the weekend I saw the following:
Kamp
Kamping
Kampground
(none of the above were even at a KOA (which is also on notice) by the way)
Kwik
Physik
Kuantum
I get it, these people want to make their business stand out.  They think they're being clever and cute and original.  So I just have a few gentle words for them. YOU'RE NOT BEING CLEVER!!!!  YOU'RE BEING DUMB!!!!  PEOPLE THINK YOU CAN'T SPELL AND THAT MEANS THEY WON'T COME TO YOUR SHOP BECAUSE ONLY A MORON WOULD MISSPELL QUANTUM TO GET ATTENTION AND WHO WANTS TO SUPPORT A MORON???!!????!!!!!!! 
Or maybe I just want people to not shop at places with intentionally misspelled words.  Maybe I think we should boycott those shops.  WHO'S WITH ME?!  (Note to self:  gather torches and pitchforks.)

Okay. Sorry about that.  It's a touchy subject for me.  A part of me dies when I realize grown ups do this sort of thing - as opposed to 13 year old girls, who are the only demographic who can legitimately get away with this as long as it's written in pink ink from a Hello Kitty pen. 

And I'm serious about the boycott.  We shall overcome!

Cocoa and...

I was reading something wherein George Clooney answers questions about malaria, which he had recently, and I was struck by something:  he needs a punctuation lesson.  And who better to teach him than I?  

Dear George Clooney,

First, let me say that you have fantastic hair.  And you're a fine actor, even in the Facts of Life.  And I think the work you do to shed light on important issues such as the situation in Darfur and the enormous problem of malaria around the world is honorable.  And also, I think you're handsome.  And if you were to ask me to, oh, say, have a cup of hot cocoa with you, I would not turn you down. 

That being said, I'm going to have to cite you for Inappropriate Use of the Ellipsis.  It's a minor infraction but one that is a pet peeve of mine.  I break out in hives when people write like this...without any proper punctuation...they just keep typing and never end a sentence...because they keep (incorrectly) adding pauses...or unsaid words...or implying all sorts of thing.  Because that is what an ellipsis is.  It indicates a pause or something unsaid or implied.  It has a few other uses, none of which are as a stand-in for other punctuation, which is what you were doing.  Your response was littered with them, and all in places where a perfectly acceptable punctuation like a period or a semi-colon or even a dash would have sufficed.  When you throw in ellipses at the end of every thought it reads like you're hiding something or being coy or that you're at a loss for words.  Or worse, that you're having some sort of fit and can't remember what you were talking about or who you are and your stalling for time until it passes.  You're a national treasure, George!  Don't let the world fear for your mental health.

I'm not saying you shouldn't use the ellipsis.  It's a pretty powerful tool.  What would you think if you saw the following inside of Us Weekly:  "George and Rachel enjoyed a cup of cocoa and...."  Wink-wink, right?  See, I'm all for the ellipsis.  Even if, in this case, it just means a firm handshake.  Because who doesn't love a firm handshake? 

But we all must respect the rules, no matter how famous or nicely quaffed we are.

Hugs and Kisses and...a Firm Handshake,

Rachel

No Pants Friday!

1.)  Remember how I was complaining a few weeks ago about how cold it was (50 degrees at noon.  APOCALYPSE NOW!)   Well, the reason why I complain is because I generally live in what we're experiencing right now.  75 in January.  Beach weather in the dead of winter.  I buried my feet in the warm sand after enjoying tacos for lunch.  I was chatting with Amanda, who lives in the Frozen North, and she told me that it was -16 the other day.  And that wasn't even factoring in the wind chill.  Don't be jealous, Good People of the Frozen North.  We've all made our choices.

2.)  Camille and I drove past our alma mater - dear old Chino High School - as the kids were getting out and noticed that it was No Pants Friday.  Because every girl we saw was wearing what looked to be a pair of underwear disguised as shorts.  Coupled with a pair of knee high boots.  Keeping it classy, kids!

3.)  Grammar Confession:  I struggle with passed vs. past.  In the sentence above, when I wrote, "Camille and I drove past our alma mater" I originally used "passed" and then had to look it up to see if it was right or not.  It was not, but now I think I have the rule down.  And I'm that much closer to being an insufferable bore.

4.)  It's that time of year again.  Book recommendation time!!!!  Please tell me what your favorite books of 2010 were.  And you don't have to limit yourself to just one.  Mine:  The Grave Yard Book, The Hunger Games series, These is My Words, The Book Thief, Run, and, despite it's ridiculous title, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.

Things I would tell you over ice cream

Are you all getting a little tired of me stringing together several unrelated topics to create a post? Too bad. I like to imagine that you're over for ice cream cones and reruns of Gilmore Girls and these are all things I would bring up to you. So just take it as a sign of friendship.

1. My sisters and I went to the Harry Connick, Jr. concert last night at the Hollywood Bowl. You know how in all that old footage of the Beatles or Elvis there are tons of girls swooning - just passing out right in the crowd? I never got that. Until I saw Harry several years ago. I totally swooned. And there were a couple of moments last night when I had to lean in on one of the girls to support myself. Swoony McSwoonster.

2. Lindsay has been invited to a 90s themed party and we were trying to come up with a good costume for her to wear. We decided on the Daria/Lisa Loeb look of Docs, pleated skirt, long cardie, flipped out hair and librarian glasses. Grunge seems a little too obvious.

3. The patients' bathroom at the Pod is right next to the front desk and there is no fan in there so without even trying or caring to we hear everything. EVERYTHING. For example, the other day I could distinctly hear a man in there pee and then flush and then he immediately came out. What I did not hear was him turning the faucet on to wash his hands. Nor was their time for him to do so. I should also mention, although it has no relevance, that he was talking on the phone the entire time he was in there. For the record, I will dump you as a friend if you ever do that to me. Since I don't exactly know the proper way to tell a grown man that he needs to wash up after performing certain tasks I sneaked around the office telling all the staff that Patient X did not wash his hands and to take care. I mentioned this to Katie and told her I had no idea how to handle it and she suggested I bring it to you. What would you have done in this situation and if you were going to say anything, how would you phrase it?

4. Did you know that it is "sneaked" and not "snuck"? True. Snuck has become so common that it is in most dictionaries and isn't usually corrected by spell check but it really is sneaked. I try really hard to say snuck because it sounds natural and right and I am a believer in the language changing with the times as long as it's not offensive like "I seen," and besides, I have maybe only heard 2 other people say sneaked. So I do try but every time I do I hear the voice of Mrs. Snyder, my 11th grade English teacher, saying, "You sneaked in your sneakers. Not snuck in your snuckers." So if you hear me say sneaked instead of snuck please don't think less of me. She was a very influential teacher. Even though she made me read Moby Dick. And here is where I put in the disclaimer that most of the time I don't notice grammar errors because I'm having such a great time talking with you and I make them myself, all the time actually, and furthermore, I would never correct you because that's just rude, nor will I ever think less of you because I love you. Come over for Gilmore Girls and ice cream any time.