You can wait until 7 to tell me you've lost an eye.

On my way out of the gym this morning I walked by the office and I overheard the girl in there saying into the phone, "Okay, well, just call us when you're ready to renew." And I stopped and stared at her, eyes agog, as she hung up and crossed off a name from a list. I contemplated going in there and rubbing my sweaty shirt all over her face.

Because it was 6am!

Can you imagine that poor woman who had to answer the phone at 6am and hear, "Hi!! This is Shelly from the Spa!! It's time to renew your membership!!" Who would be awake enough to handle a call like that?! Only people who are crazy enough to be at the gym at that time. And I can tell you from experience that that may not even be the case. I have become very good at power-napping on the eliptical.

I can promise you that if I ever get that sales call at 6am my fury would be so great that it would travel through the phone lines and make Shelly's hair fall out. Even if I had just gotten home from the gym and it was 6:05 there would still be hair loss because how does Shelly even know that I'm not dead asleep? How does she know that I'm not snuggled down in my bed and when the phone rings the first thing that will run through my head is that it's my mom saying that my dad choked on his oatmeal and is in the hospital on life support, because why else would someone be calling me before the sun is even up? My phone should never ring before 7am. At the very earliest. 8 would be more acceptable. I am almost always awake at 6 but this does not mean I'm ready to talk. And I am certainly not ready to answer the phone.

This got me thinking of other acceptable reasons to call me at 6am besides my dad being on life support. Here's my list:

1.) You're in the hospital and you need a blood transfusion but the hospital is fresh out of O+ and so you call me to come down and help you out. You promise me cookies once you have recovered.

2.) You were out jogging and you passed by a Slurpee machine sitting on a curb that someone is giving away. You're sitting on it so no one else claims it until I can get down there.

3.) I was suppose to give you a lift to the airport and I'm not there yet because I probably overslept.

4.) You're my Wealthy Benefactor and you've been knocking on my door for the last 30 minutes because you want to give me a check before you fly off to some important business meeting, in which case I would sweetly tell you to put it under the mat.

Initially I thought that the death of a loved one would make the list but I'm going to honest with you and say that I would be much better prepared to take that kind of news in the 7 o'clock hour.