Gasp

am dying of consumption...please send ice cream.

Nothing says freedom like ice cream and hats

My Fourth of July weekend was everything it should be.  Complete with: 

A movie

Eating out a lot

A very serious conversation over Bert & Rocky's ice cream with Amanda, visiting from the Frozen North, about the importance of ice cream placement in your cup/cone - your favorite goes on the bottom - and how shocked we are that people don't grasp this.  Also, our shock over people liking vanilla ice cream.  They always follow up this admission by saying, "But you can add things to it."  And to that we say anything that needs to be added to is AUTOMATICALLY INFERIOR!!!!  Clearly we are passionate about this.  (Sorry for the rant.  Vanilla makes me cranky.)

Sleeping in, brunch, swimming, lounging, BBQ, homemade ice cream, fireworks

Trick photography

It also included a frenzy of hat making.  My friend is throwing a bridal shower tea party and she saw the hats I made for the Royal Wedding and asked if I'd make some for it.  As it is officially my new dream to live in London and make hats for the Queen I decided it would be good practice.  So I took the gig.

 Here, let me model them for you: 

The white one, with its explosion of feather's shooting out, makes me feel patriotic.  But I promise to not rib the Queen about losing to us all those years ago when I am the Royal Milliner.

Gellato on the beach? Magic.

1.) My plan for this afternoon involved more Roman ruins but it ended up being gellato on a bench overlooking the beach. I have given up trying to capture the color of the water here. My camera doesn't do it justice. When I get home I'll get my crayons out and I'll draw you a picture. But until then you'll just have to take my word for it: it's gorgeous.

2.) While sitting on the bench, enjoying the gellato, I heard some German being spoken. So I looked in that direction and Wilf and his mustache were crossing the street!! Could you imagine if this is how the rest of my trip plays out? What if I have random Wilf sightings for the next two months? That would be AMAZING!

3.) I was also up at Sidi Bou Said doing some shopping today and the guying running the place was laying it on really thick. You remember how I said they're all Handsy McGees around here? Will my new best friend Mohammed was a master. Him: "You're eyes! They're beautiful! This necklace makes you look like a queen!" Me: "Uh huh. How much are these earrings?" I must have not looked interested enough because the next thing I knew his arm was around my shoulder and his other hand grabbed mine and he said, "And your lips! Do you have a boyfriend?" And that's when I snort-laughed in his face. I mean, come on! He did give me an excellent deal on some earrings though.

4.) The boys and I hung out in my room for a little bit this afternoon. Sam was nestled on my lap and Henry was fiddling with a toy on my bed. I thought we needed some music so I turned on some Abba and started singing along and shimmying. Sam dug it. Henry gave me a look that said, "Is this a joke?"

Grumpy Ice Cream Counter Girl

(Nope. I'm still stumped for words. Gah! But I feel like the only thing that really cures writers block is to write so I should just give it a shot and apologize up front. Your refund check is in the mail.)

Katie and I went out to dinner with some fun folks (People of Chino and Surrounding Areas: Go to Honolulu Harry's on the north west side of the 60 on Central and order the sweet potato stacks. I'm telling you this because 1.) I love you and the Bluebird of Happiness will take up permanent residence in your heart after the first bite and 2.) it is always a little sparse in the restaurant and I'm terrified that they will close down and then where will I get my sweet potato stacks. I tried to recreate them once and it was moderately successful but not nearly as scrumptious. Save the Stacks! Where was I? Oh right.) and after dinner we could not resist the draw of Rite-Aid right across the street and a Thrify's ice cream cone. You try and resist. Admit it, you can't.

So we went in and were served by the Grumpiest Ice Cream Counter Girl on the Planet. She was so grumpy that we had to make up a story about why she was so grumpy just to help us get over how surly she was, and also what a bad ice cream scooper she was. The ice cream just sat on top of the cone - when everyone knows that you're suppose to shove it down into the cone so that the ice cream makes the cone just a little soggy and that final bite is super awesome because the ice cream has filled in the grid at the bottom.

I just got distracted from the thought of ice cream cones. Sorry. We decided that she was in the last hour of her 8 hour shift and she had cramps and everyone was being really wishy-washy with their ice cream orders, like "How about rainbow sherbet, or maybe black cherry, no rainbow sherbet. But I do really like vanilla. Do I want a cone or a cup? A cone. No a cup. No, a cone. But a cake or sugar cone? Maybe a waffle. Did I decide on rainbow sherbet?" And have you noticed that the people who most often can't make up their mind are usually struggling over the grossest flavors. Black cherry? Bleh. So by the time we got there she had had enough. She was done with people and done with ice cream and the cramps were killing her and she had to be back to work at 8 the next morning to do it all over again and the last thing she needed was some smart alecky girl acting all put out that there is no rocky road left. (Although, seriously, no rocky road?)

So by the time I got home I actually did feel a little sorry for her even though we had made the whole thing up. Working with cramps (imaginary or not) is a drag.

McCarthy Park is Melting in the Rain

Is there anything worse than a bad piece of fruit?

Okay, cancer. Cancer is definitely worse.

But after cancer is a bad piece of fruit.

And this morning I had two (Bad pieces of fruit. Not cancer. Knock wood.) I diced up a banana into my Rice Krispies and it had that too ripe mushy taste to it. And now I just bit into a nectarine and it tasted like a dirty sock. I actually had to spit it out. I hope Gary the CPA doesn't look too closely when he takes my trash out tonight.

On the plus side of things: aren't Rice Krispies so comforting? I still lean my head toward the bowl to hear the snap-crackle-pop.

************

The location of the ice cream social has been determined:

McCarthy Park in Upland on the corner of San Antonio and 20th. Here, I've mapquested it for you.

Aren't you a little sad that it's not called MacArthur Park? Wait, does anyone who isn't 80 even know that song? The classic Richard Harris (Dumbledore #1) song about someone leaving the cake out in the rain? It's awesome! My sisters and I use to listen to that song all the time when we were kids. We really belted it during the dramatic part. "And I don't think I can TAKE IT, 'cause it took so long to BAKE IT, and I'll NEVER HAVE that RECIPE AGAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIN...OOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" There was also a great upbeat middle section where we did mad dancing. We were adorable children.

Where was I? Right, ice cream social...

Saturday from 2-4. McCarthy (not MacArthur) Park. Come any time.

And there will be a pinata. And maybe mad dancing.

Belted!

I'm a firm believer in leading with your big news. Don't you just hate it when you've been talking to a friend for like 15 minutes about stuff like nail polish or the latest US Weekly cover and then, all casual like, she says, "I ran into Tyra Banks yesterday at Wal-Mart."

The rule is that you lead with Tyra Banks! Always give the big news first because that will give your friends and family enough time to be sufficiently impressed.

So the big news is that we got our yellow belts!!!!!!! Don't we totally look fierce?! Or dopey? Or like safety guards? They're SUPER yellow. We definitely look hot and sweaty because we spent an hour running around the dojo without air conditioning. Knights of Columbus, Upland Martial Arts Center, it's August!

Don't tell the Sensei you saw this picture because we're wearing those illegally. We're not allowed to wear the belt without the gi. But how could we not? As soon as we got out of the car we put them on. And then we stuck our nunchucks in them like the 10 year olds do. We wanted to be totally authentic.

By the way, those belts are a fat joke. They're outrageously long. I could repel out of my window with it.

In other news: I think I need to conduct a poll about ice cream cones. Colleen thinks that cake cones are the best and Stephanie is for the sugar cone and Amanda says, based strictly on size, that the waffle cone is superior. I am a cake cone girl. There is something magical about that last bite of the cone when the ice cream has pooled up in the grid at the bottom and you stick it in in your mouth and crunch down on it. I want to high five people when I do it. Plus, I feel like the cake cone isn't intrusive. A sugar cone is too crunchy and often times enormous chucks of it break off when you bite into it. And a waffle cone is too, too crunchy, and too much work. There's all this fiddling that you have to do with it. Do you eat it with a spoon or lick it? Do you eat the cone as you go or do you wait till the end? Too much to worry about, I say.

But what do you say? Cake, sugar or waffle? Or bowl? Weirdo.

WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!

ANNOUNCEMENT:

The Ice Cream Social, in honor of my 9th place victory in that blog contest that was so long ago you all can hardly remember it, is back on.

It will be this Saturday, August 15, 2009 from 2-4 at a location to be determined. It will be at a park in Upland but I haven't decided which one yet. I'll let you know. Ice cream and cones will be provided. There will be no vanilla. Camille informed me last night that she knows several people who don't like their ice cream in cones. This seems ridiculous to me and I don't believe I could possibly be friends with any of them, but you never know, so I'll also provide a very small number of bowls and spoons.

The ice cream social is in conjunction with my Birthday Jubilee which means that party hats are appropriate. There may also be a pinata. I haven't decided yet. I love my birthday. LOVE IT! And I love having birthday parties because birthday parties are a means of gathering all of my favorite people together for fun and ice cream. Which is exactly my plan for the ice cream social. Because, coincidentally, you're all of my favorite people.

So, if you have the time and you're in the area bring the fam and enjoy a cone with me. Wear sun screen.

Now the 9th Funniest Blog on the World Wide Web

Well, that was fun!

The contest is officially over and the last time I checked before they took the counts down I was in 9th place. Totally respectable, in this case. In another case I was in a group that placed 9th in a junior high writing contest, but there were only 10 teams.

Because of the top 10 finish, as promised, I will host an ice cream social. Details to follow. But there will be ice cream and cones, because ice cream is just plain better in cones. Do not deny this! Isn't the very idea of an ice cream social wonderful? It's so old-timey. Like there should be men with waxed mustaches riding around on penny-farthing bicycles, and barber shop quartets singing In the Good Old Summertime, and ladies pushing prams, and local youths lighting firecrackers. None of these things will actually be at our ice cream social unless some of you start growing mustaches now. This is merely a suggestion. But I can promise you that if you show up with an elaborate mustache I will give you an extra scoop of ice cream.

Have I mentioned how nice I think all of you are? Because it's true. It was a very silly contest and yet you all came through like champs and I feel truly lucky to know such lovely people. Let's be friends forever!

The Economy

I legitimately blame the Economy at least 5 times a day. We don't have any jobs available right now but I get call after call from people desperate for work and all I can say to them is, "You know...the Economy...." Which is true. Because the state has no money, the counties has no money, and since all of our in-state contracts come through the counties they aren't giving us any new jobs.

But I have started using the Economy as an excuse for a lot of annoying things and I find it to be very satisfying.

Things like:

1.) The lack of ice cream in my freezer
2.) The gloomy weather outside
3.) Dirty laundry
4.) My inability to tap dance
5.) Bad hair days

I certainly hope President Obama has set aside money in the stimulus package for a pint of chocolate orange from Bert & Rocky's for me.

10 to 15 samples of ice cream

I went down to the Fam's house on Sunday for the usual hamburger/popcorn fest (with a bonus of the Folks from the North showing up on the computer. (Fact: Nephews look just as cute on the web cam as they do in real life. But kissing their faces on the computer screen is not nearly as rewarding.)) and before dinner my mom said, "Did you hear that Bert & Rocky's is closing."

Baby pandas burst into tears. Angels fell from the sky in despair. A lone unicorn died with a heavy sigh. And my heart broke in two.

She quickly amended her statement and said that just the Upland shop was closing but the Claremont shop would still be open. Phew! Only the baby pandas cried for that.

But I'm still sad. Because Upland is my shop. Ah, those many, many nights when Amanda and I would be sitting at home and one of us would say, "I want some ice cream," and without even needing to say anything else we would get up, put our bras back on and head down to Bert & Rocky's. THAT'S HOW MUCH WE LOVED IT. We would walk in and say hi to all of our favorite scoopers and chat with the owner and sample 10 or 15 flavors. Then we'd both inevitably settle on chocolate orange and head home and watch Gilmore Girls.

The Claremont shop is only just a little farther away and it still has all the same flavors but it's more cramped and it's harder to find parking in the Village and the flow of the ice cream counter is bad (it's like an entire case is hiding behind a bunch of tables) and it's just not the same. Wah. But have no fear, Bert and Rocky's, I will still come and sample 10 or 15 flavors before getting my chocolate orange. I love you. Enough to put on a bra.