The Great Hambino

All the Knechts have returned to their homes in Utah (Dear Utah, I thing you're dumb.  Please give me back my loved ones.  Regards, Rachel)  and I am left sighing over pictures of the Nephs and Niece.  Like these on Camille's blog.  Or these on Gina's which includes a brief video of Tom's tap dance routine.  Whenever there was a lull we'd get the cane out and make Tom dance for us.

A few days ago we took the boys to the park and while watching them play we noticed a little butter ball of a kid.  He was about three or four, short and round, his hair was buzzed high and tight and he wore a rugby shirt and grey sweatpants.  He kept chasing after groups of bigger kids, desperate to play with anything that moved.  I instantly wanted to take him home.  To my joy he latched on to Ben who brought him over to our blanket and said, "This is Jake."

And then Jake said,

"Hi.  I'm Jacob.  But you can call me Jake.  My dad beats up bad guys.  He does karate moves on them.  I know karate.  Are those grapes?  Can I have some grapes?  Hey, Ben, let's eat grapes!  That's my mom over there.  Hi mom! (We all wave in a "we're not going to kidnap your son" way.) Is that a ball?  Hey, Ben, let's kick this ball around. (Ben kicks the ball and Jake puts his head down and charges after it, only to pick it up and carry it back to Ben.) I got the ball!  I got the ball!  Ben, Ben, Ben, I got the baaaaalllll!!!!!  Kick it again!  This ball is great.  Let's run. (The run around for a few minutes as only four year old boys can then come back.) We run.  Me and Ben RUUUUNNNNN!  I love to run.  (We are now joined by Tom who starts eating some grapes.) Hey, Tom, share the grapes with Jake!  Jake loves grapes.  Let's go play in the sand.  Bye, bye, bye, byyyyyyeeeeeee!!!!!!!"

This went on for about 30 minutes.  Jake would come over and talk and talk and talk.  His mom would follow and apologize for him lounging on our blanket and eating our grapes and I would wave her off because who doesn't love a kid like Jake?

When we got home we told everyone about this kid. 

Me:  "He was pudgy and cute."
Kylea:  "He talked non-stop."
Casey:  "He was the Great Hambino."

Yes.  That's it exactly.  He's the Great Hambino at age four.

Another Blessed Nephew!!!!!!!

Big News.  I mean REALLY BIG NEWS!

Gina and Chris got themselves a baby boy!

Behold, Levi:




















He was born on Tuesday and they signed the adoption papers this morning and brought the kid home. 

Isn't he the greatest?!  And the cutest?!  And look at all that hair! And he has big lips just like his Favorite Aunt Rachel.!

We're all jumping for joy around here.

We've known he was coming for months now but for obvious reasons we kept it on the down low.  Oh the lies we have told people when they would ask how Gina and Chris were doing.  Oh, the deception.  But no more!  I asked Gina if it was okay that I posted it on the blog and she said, "Would you please.  Let's shout it from the roof tops."

Have you counted the exclamation points?  Consider it shouted.

Nine things about Christmas '010

1.  Nephews
2.  The most stress-free family photo session of all time, which generated this gem of Gina and Chris auditioning for a Calvin Klein ad.  Oh how we have laughed and laughed over it.
3.  Sisters Christmas Eve Pedicures!
4.  Lindsay, who is a legit massage therapist, set up her massage chair by the fire on Christmas Day (even though it was only about 65 outside.  We like to be cozy.  Okay, scratch that, I like to be cozy.) and worked us all over.  Here's a tip:  if you're sister comes to you and says, "I'm thinking about going to massage school," chip in for her tuition.  Worth it!
5.  Did I mention the nephews?  Because Holy Cats, they are the Best Thing Ever.  Seriously.  I said the phrase, "That's enormous!" to Ben and he said, "Is that a fat joke?"  I mean, come on!  The kid is 3 and has better timing than most people I know.
6.  I should also mention that my entire family was in town.  If you have spent any amount of time with my family you know what this means - lots of jokes about our heads.
7.  I didn't get out of my pajamas all day.  It was my reward for...

8.  Finishing all of my felt projects at 5:30 pm on Christmas Eve.  I sewed the last stitch onto Kylea's stocking and then did a victory lap.  I made everyone high-five me.

9.  Earlier this month I was commissioned to do this:

Yeah, it's the entire A-Team in felt on a pillow case.  It is as rad as it looks.  Nothing says, "Merry Christmas" more than Hannibal in a scarf.

Thankful for Pie and Other Things

1.)  My flight from NY to LA was the longest flight in the history of all flights.  We could have flown to Mars and back with a side trip to the moon in the time it took us to get to LA.  And I was sitting next to Sprawly McSprawlster.  Mr. I Refuse to Be Contained In This Seat So Feel My Elbow Up In Your Ribcage for 87 Hours.  Mr. Also I'm Not Turning My Cell Phone Off So If We End Up In Zanzibar Just Suck It Up.  Mr. And Another Thing, I'm Going To Scroll Through Some Facebook Pictures of Skanky Girls I Know.  Boy, did I miss Maureen and Al.

2.)  Katie and Camille picked me up at the airport and had giant signs.  There are few things I love more than a public spectacle in my honor.  Sadly, I missed it all as I took a different route to the baggage claim.  But apparently they had people cheering for me for an hour and a half, including none other than Ben Savage from that classic 90's sitcom Boy Meets World.

3.)  As promised, we stopped at In-N-Out on the way home from the airport.  It was 12:15am on Thanksgiving.  I was thankful for my cheeseburger.

4.)  I did not sleep well when I got home, even after being awake for about 2 straight days.  But last night I slept for 11 hours - which is a record for me.  When I woke up I could have wept from the joy of it all.

5.)  After we finished Thanksgiving dinner we got a surprise at the door:  The Blessed Nephews and their Parents!!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me?!  Could you just die over this cuteness?

6.)  Hey, remember how I was supposed to have a drawing?  Well, I didn't forget.  I just have to travel around the world and eat pie and sleep the sleep of the dead.  So I'm pleased to announce the winner is...BOB!  His favorite Thanksgiving food is deep fried turkey slathered in gravy and to that I say Amen, Brother!  Have you had deep fried turkey?  Knights of Columbus!  It's the food of kings.  Email me, Bob, with your address and what B-List celebrity you would like on a bookmark.

7.)  Ye Olde Etsy Shoppe is back in business so if you'd like a bookmark or something else that is felty and funny head on over.  I'll get it to you before Christmas.  Pinky Promise.

8.)  I'm sitting at my desk and looking out at the blue sky and the mountains I've looked at my entire life that are covered in snow and sunshine and I can't even express how much it thrills me to be back home.  This adventure has been phenomenal but gosh, I've missed this place.

I'm Starting with the Man in the Mirror

Oh, it was a big weekend.

1.) There was my Dad's 60th Birthday Spectacular. It was so big that the 15 freeway was closed down, causing Casey and Kylea to give up their plan to drive to Utah and instead return to the house to celebrate some more with us. I have spent my whole life hearing how great my dad is - as recently as yesterday at church from a man who, I'm not even kidding, has never met him. And I'm here to tell you, you're preachin' to the choir, brother. I know.

2.) There was an epic Bocci Ball War in the park. Oh, it was a battle. We cheered and strategized and did hands-in and slapped each other on the butt. And it was loud and people stopped and stared and smiled. I have realized that this happens all the time. Whenever a bunch of us are out in public - either friends or family or a combo of both - people generally stop and laugh along with us. They come up to us in restaurants and comment on how happy we seem. They listen in on our conversations and laugh at the jokes. It is bizarre how often this happens. I have two theories on it: 1.) It's so rare that you see a group of genuinely happy people who aren't drunk that it's a bit of a phenomenon, 2.) The people I spend the most time with are really loud and cannot be ignored.

3.) There were nephews. Blessed Nephews! Here's Ben making soup in the watering can for Lindsay's dog Bo.

4. There were Wimbledon matches and World Cup matches (I'll write a post one day on my feelings about soccer. It will no doubt fascinate you.) The England loss put a kink in my bracket.

5. There was a little something called the Michael Jackson Sing Along. You already know how much I love a good sing along. Well, the Music Center has free ones every few months and they had one on Friday. We had been planning on attending for months, not realizing that it was on the anniversary of his death. Being there made us look a bit like super fans, but really we just like to sing and dance.

Here's what it looked like:

Yeah, Camille totally pulled out the thumb mic.

About 15 minutes into the program a group of elderly patrons walked into the amphitheater. They must have been on the board or something because they were all dressed like they were going out for tea.

Even though there all had lyric sheets none of them were singing. They tapped their toes but for the most part looked as if they would rather be talking about their stock options. It would have been a highlight of my life if one of them had gotten up to shimmy but I imagine none of the ladies would want to ruffle their well-coiffed hair.

The show went long and we weren't able to sing all the songs, including Man in the Mirror, which is Camille's fave. So on the way home Katie called into Love Songs on the Kost and requested it for her. She got on the radio and made up a story about how Camille had been on the wrong path for a while but was finally making some better choices in her life. She was so poised and sincere. It was very impressive. What was also impressive was how Kylea, Camille and I were in such hysterics over it that we all reverted to the grandpa laugh but you couldn't hear a peep from us on the radio.

Thankful

In last year's Thanksgiving post I said how grateful I was for bras and razors. I run pretty deep.

This year I'm thankful for this kid:

And this kid:

The nephews have been in town since Saturday and we've been reveling in them. The rest of the fam came into town last night. Did you hear the sonic boom when they crossed the California state line? You know what this means right? Seinfeld quotes and head measuring!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Have I mentioned how thankful I am for you? And chocolate? You and chocolate and Tyra Banks make my life complete.

Things I'm not talking about

Let's not talk about how I could have gone to the Dodger game today. How my mom got tickets through her work and how one of those tickets was for me and how we all thought it was a night game until we got the tickets and found out that it started at 3 and I can't take off work because we're swamped. No, we won't talk about that.

Nor will we talk about how I just found out that Keira Knightly is going to be starring in an adaptation of Never Let Me Go. How much I loved that book and how I just knew, deep down in my heart, that if it were ever made into a movie they would cast Keira Knightly in it, not because she's good for the part but because people can't help themselves. They love her and her gaping mouth. How if she would just occasionally shut her mouth I would like her about 50% more and could possibly come to terms with it.

We could talk about all those tragedies but we're not going to.

Instead we're going to talk about this picture:





You see, I've been tagged by Teresa with one of those "go to the 1st folder in your picture file and find the 10th picture in it and post it" thingies, and this is the picture that came up. My nephew Tom, accompanied by his enormous cheeks. This was taken last Christmas and his cheeks are even bigger now. He's also growing a beard and worrying about his 401k. Because this is how quickly he is growing up!

I normally don't go along with tags but in the face of so much to despair over (lost Dodger tickets and Keira Knightly's slack jaw) I feel like we all could use those giant, squishy cheeks to help us gird up our loins and fight the good fight.

Round-Up

1.) Have you read the comments on my last post? And if so, are you totally amazed at how many people have fallen out of moving cars? Were car door latches made of slightly cooked spaghetti noodles back then? I can tell you right now that my mom is feeling an enormous sense of relief that she was not the only parent that this happened to.

Amanda mentioned that, thanks to her older brother, she has fallen out of a moving car twice. The theory occasionally comes up that I may have had something to do with Gina falling out of the car, but I would like to say that it is a vicious, vicious lie. I was in the back seat AND I was not very good at opening car doors back in the day. This is evidenced by another Knecht Family Legend of the time when I was about 5 and we all came home late one night and I was asleep in the back of the car and my parents, having a lot of kids to file in, didn't realize that I wasn't in the mix and I was left there. I eventually woke up and thought it was extremely new and exciting that I was alone in the dark car. I tried to open the door to get out but couldn't and so I rolled down the window and climbed out and then found the front door locked so I had to knock to get in. My parents were slightly shocked to find me standing there. I love that story. And I love that it shows that I couldn't possibly have mastered the door handle to shove Gina out.

2.) There is one week left for voting. They caught on to you sneaky ones and my votes plummeted! I am now in 7th place. But since I still really want an ice cream social, I'm going to lower my standards and say we'll have one if I'm in the top 10.

3.) You should feel very fortunate that my nephews do not live around here. Because I would totally turn into one of those bloggers who only writes about all their cute antics. It would be insufferable and you would hate me. But I would not be able to stop myself because they are adorable and hilarious. For example: Stacy taught Ben the words and dance moves to Damaged by Danity Kane.

Addendum to #2: I just discovered that there is a major Twilight fan in the running. Let's hope her followers don't find this.

Surprise!

Last night I was cooking dinner (Macaroni and Cheese. True story: I've never made mac & cheese before. I'm talking about the real stuff. The Kraft stuff and I are pretty tight considering all the time I spent with it in college. But I went for the real stuff. It was delicious. You should definitely add bacon.) and there was a knock at the door. There are several things that run through my head when I hear a knock. 1.) Who could it be? 2.) Probably a neighbor. 3.) Do I have stuff on my face? 4.) What if it's a sales man? I hate sales men. 5.) What if it's a ruffian? Would I look crazy if I come to the door with a knife and it's not a ruffian?

Turns out I didn't need the knife because when I opened the door I found my little nephew Ben standing there saying, "Hi Rachel," like he stops by every day.

And then my face erupted into a geyser of tears. I was the Old Faithful of crying.

Because there was a NEPHEW AT MY DOOR!!!! Who lives in Utah and wasn't suppose to be in California for another month.

And bonus tears, walking up the steps was my sister-in-law Stacy with Thomas, the other Blessed Nephew, who must have gone through some kind of time warp because he's like 18 years old now.

It was the greatest surprise of my life. Hands down. No contest. The best.

Have a look:

Ben seeing if he can fit in a basket

Tom trying to swallow a ping pong ball

It was like Christmas and my birthday and a Dodger game and the fair and a boat ride all rolled up. If there had been rocky road ice cream I would have died.

Nephew Love

I spent the afternoon with these guys. Awesome.

Nephew-palooza!

The Nephew Count has just doubled in the Knecht Fam. Check it out. I've been watching Ben this afternoon and have informed him that he's going to have to share the title of Blessed Nephew with Thomas. He basically just nodded his enormous head and babbled a bit. I'm pretty sure he's fine with still being the heir apparent for the family silver.

Before putting him down for his nap we were in my room and he was fascinated by my Elvis swivel hip clock (well, who wouldn't be). He kept pointing to it so I told him it was Elvis and then I kept repeating his name. "Elvis. Elvis." And then Ben said, "Eboo," which I'm taking as a sure sign that the indoctrination is working. Long live the king.