My New JWBFF

How come I didn't think to have a So We Missed the Rapture -- Let's All Eat Ice Cream party?  I have heard of several people throwing their own version and I feel like I've missed a golden opportunity.  Next time some wackadoo predicts the end of the world you're all invited over to my house for snacks and dancing.

Speaking of the imminent destruction of the earth, I have a new Jehovah's Witness BFF named Jason who first came by a few months ago and dropped off some reading material and then came over today with an invitation to a big convention they're having next weekend - the theme of which is "Will the Earth Be Destroyed".  When I saw the flier I said, "Well, not today, right?"  And he gave me a puzzled look.  Then he said, "Do you think the earth will be destroyed?"  And I said, "Well, that answer would take a bit of time," and giving it another go added, "but fortunately we dodged a big bullet today and you folks can still hold your convention."  I feel really lucky that I didn't try to high five him right then because as it was, he hadn't heard of the rapture prediction.  And he wasn't exactly picking up on my sarcasm because he proceeded to show me a handful of scriptures about the earth not being destroyed.  And then he showed me more scriptures about people not being able to predict the end of days and then he went for the hard sell on trying to get me to their convention by saying on Sunday there will be live costumed productions of Biblical stories.  Pass.  Although I am very curious about Jehovah's Witness services and I'm contemplating, if he ever stops by again, inviting myself along with him to church.

This Train of Thought Has an Armpit Stop

This has ended up being a post almost entirely about armpits. I apologize.

1.) I read an article a while ago about how anti-perspirant causes cancer so I started looking for a natural alternative. Who wants armpit cancer? Not me. I picked up an all natural deodorant at the store and it made me smell like a sweaty water buffalo. No, seriously. Gamey. I smelled gamey. I would have smelled better if I had stuffed slightly used gym socks under my arms. So I tried another. Same outcome. And another. Again, with the water buffalo. And then I read an article written by someone who was equally concerned about armpit cancer and tested several different natural deodorants and came up with the best. So I got it and used if for a week and I'm sad to report that it was the worst of them all. I smelled gamey AND musty. I've given up my quest and am now back to my regular unscented cancer causing deodorant and I would like to personally apologize to anyone who may have been affected by my failed, and possibly foolhardy experiment. I think we can all agree that if I end up dying a few years earlier it was worth it.

2.) Did I ever tell you about the time I was working for the Doc and I had to spend 20 minutes ultrasounding her nephew's armpit? He had some kind of fungus there and the Doc believed that ultrasound waves killed fungus (Well, most ailments, really. It was one of her Secrets of the Orient.) so I had to spend 20 minutes rubbing an ultrasound bell over his armpit while trying to make small talk. We got on the subject of religion and it came out that I was Mormon and he was Jehovah's Witness so it got really interesting and ended up being kind of fun, if not slightly awkward. It is not every day you get to discuss the Plan of Salvation under such circumstances.

3.) That was not the first time I had had a religious conversation with a Jehovah's Witness during an awkward or uncomfortable situation. The first time was when I was 15 and doing driver's training with my Biology teacher, who happened to be of that faith. The three other kids in the car, all jocks, who went before me got asked about their practices and favorite teams. But when it was my turn and I was driving on the freeway for the very first time he kept asking me deep doctrinal questions like what did Mormon's think about Adam and Eve and original sin, what is the purpose of the Book of Mormon, what were our thoughts on capital punishment and if forced to kill someone (say, someone was attacking me and I had to do it in self defense) would I do so and would the church condone it. I'm proud to say that I maintained the speed limit and defended the faith but it was still one of the most angsty moments of my life. And armpits weren't even mentioned.

I need a Catholic friend

The last time Lindsay went to Olvera Street she was a vegetarian which means that she missed out on the taquitos. Which is a shame. She wanted to go back and since I'm a Woman of Elegant Leisure she invited me to come along with her. We decided to make a downtown LA adventure of the whole thing.

So we drove to Union Station and hopped on the red line to Pershing Square then walked over to the Bradbury Building. I've always wanted to see inside.




Only tenants are allowed to use the really cool elevator so my plan is to convince my Wealthy Benefactor to lease an office there for me just so I can go up and down all day long.

Then we headed over to Angels Flight and spent 25 cents on a ride to the top.




It's been closed since 2001 after someone died on it (!) but it opened up again last month. It's a fun little ride and if you're in the neighborhood you should try it out.

Then we walked over to the Disney Concert Hall and got our real workout for the day by walking up A LOT of stairs. But so worth it because it's like you're walking inside a steel flower.

The Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels is just down the street so we decided to have a look inside. And, lucky day, a mass was going on! I've always wanted to go to a mass. We sat in for a while and watched them kneel and stand and kneel and stand. Have I told you my fascination with Catholics? The mass only made them more alluring to me. How do they know when to stand and when to kneel? How do they know what to say and when? Who was that random woman who got up to recite something while holding onto her purse? How come there are so many statues you can kneel and pray in front of? What is the purpose of lighting a candle? Can someone explain the different levels of the priesthood to me like what is a monsignor and how does he differ from a bishop or a priest? Are they all priests? Clearly I need to get myself a Catholic friend. Any takers? I promise to answer all your Mormon questions in return.

After mass we headed down stairs to the mausoleum. And look who we found:




Atticus Finch!

We eventually did make it down to Olvera Street for taquitos and horchata and churros - which, if you're wondering, is the Perfect Lunch.

Thanks for the adventure, Linds. You're kind of fun.

Grounded

I went to a lecture last night at the Claremont School of Theology that took a look at the priesthood from both the Catholic and Mormon perspectives. Really fascinating stuff. I learned all sorts of big words. And it has sent me to Wikipedia to study up on the Catholic church because the whole hierarchy confuses me. He called himself a pastor, and a priest, and his title is Right Reverend but he goes by Father Alexei and at one point someone in the audience referred a question to "the Bishop" and both he and Robert Millet (batting for the Mormons) stood up. Comedy, I tell ya. There were some really lovely and profound things said and as usual, whenever I get a perspective from other faiths it helps me understand and appreciate both their faith and my own faith all the more.

But as I've reflected on it throughout the day my mind keeps going back to one thing: Father Alexei had sensational hair. It was white and billowy and kind of sparkled in the overhead lights. He looked like Moses.

I am clearly 12 years old.

But, also 80. Because after the lecture we went out for yogurt and I broke my own curfew. I stayed out past 10 on a school night and I've been suffering all day because of it. Does this mean I'm grounded?