Thursday, October 23, 2008

Secrets of the Orient

A conversation with the Doc:

Doc: You look terrible.

Me: Um...thanks.

Doc: I mean, you really look very bad. What's wrong?

Me: Well, my allergies are cranky today.

Doc: I knew it [This is her favorite thing to say. She's like a phone psychic who says, "I'm seeing a man. A short tallish sort of man. Maybe your husband or brother or son." and you say it was your uncle and she says, "I knew it."] How many D-Hist [my allergy pills]are you taking?

Me: 3 pills, 3 times a day.

Doc: That's probably not enough. Let me test you.

[I grab a bottle and put it to my chest and hold out my arm which she presses down on and mentally asks my body how many pills its suppose to take. This is one of her Secrets of the Orient. Basically anything that seems kooky and I don't really understand I call a Secret of the Orient. I think it gives the office an air of mystery. She first asks if my body will accept it and then she starts to count and when my arm cannot resist her pushing on it and goes down that's how many I'm suppose to take. The point being that the body won't lie and will tell you what it needs. Like, if I were to hold a bag of peanut M&Ms up to my chest and you were to push down on my arm and mentally ask it how many I should eat, you would be counting for a very long time.

Doc: You're suppose to take 7 pills 3 times a day.

Me: As in 21 pills?

Doc: That's what your body told me.

Me: Are you sure that's not what your supplement budget told you?

Doc: Don't be sassy.


Andrea said...

Really?! I think I'm in the wrong profession. I would love to ask people's bodies how much they need of a certain thing and then come up with weird answers just to freak them out. Do you think if someone's arm told me that their body needed Mother's Cookies in order to live that we could convince them not to go out business? Long live the Flaky Flix!

Jennette said...

Wow, maybe I can put that skill on my resume! They didn't teach me that at USC. And I'm all for the Mother's cookies like Andrea. But could that mean individual cookies or handfuls? My arm would definitely be going through some convulsions.

Oh btw, 21 is waaaaay too many pills.

Gina said...

This is the problem with nutrition doctors. When I was going through the gallbladder problem, Dr. Nutrition told me that I would just have to take about fifteen pills a day (each one for a certain ailment) and then I would be fine...for the rest of my life. For real?! I was only like 26 at the time. Honestly...get a grip doctors.

Although maybe with the money she's making off of you, she can purchase you some medical insurance. :)

Rach said...

I have to visit this office. It is just too great. I love secrets of the Orient! Does she also do that trick with a wedding ring and a string to find out how many kids and what gender? Because I could see that going on in your office. She would fit right in in Italy's medical community. The doctor there told my mom to put onions on Emma's ears when she had the mumps. For real. And my mom tried it, because, hey, why not?

Karina & John Calderwood said...

I would pay good money to be able to be a fly on the wall in your office. Too funny.

Gloria said...

I love the story, but if you ever want some western medical advise let me know. :)

AJ said...

My allergies have been acting up lately as well. I feel your pain...or sneezes and watery eyes. I also love your kooky boss. I chuckle at your sassy retort. Keep us posted how it goes.