Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Cure Appreciation Day

Is this The Cure Appreciation Day or something? Because just this morning I have heard "Pictures of You", "Lovesong" and "Close to Me" played on the radio.

To celebrate let's all put on our Docs and heavy eyeliner and mope around while we mumble about how disaffected and angsty we are.

Man, I love the Cure.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Lovely Things

Lovely Things:

1.) When I got out of the temple tonight I found a note on my windshield that said, "Hope your trip to the temple made your view a little clearer. Love the Yucaipa 2nd Ward Young Women." They had cleaned my windows, which is wonderful because a bird had it's way with one them earlier today and I won't have a chance to wash my car for at least a week because...

2.) I am going to Las Vegas this weekend with some of my All-Time Favorite People on the Planet No Contest Amen. We will be going to the Liberace Museum. I am giddy with excitement. Also because...

3.) Vegas is not my final destination. I'm going on to Utah to see the sibs that are up there. It was suppose to just be Vegas but then I thought isn't spontaneous travel in the job description of a Woman of Elegant Leisure? Yes it is. It's right next to "Must own a minimum of 20 brooches" (check, by the way.) So I'll be hanging out with the fam and any other person who may live in the state who feels like possibly taking a mini road trip to see her old college roommate who will be staying very close to her parent's house so it would be a two-fer and when said roommate won't be staying in that area will be up in West Jordan which is closer, Rac. To entice you I promise to have robins eggs so we can paint our lips. And possibly grape kool-aid. And maybe a box of crayons.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Will I be required to bring my own hatchet?

Whilst job searching on line I came across an ad that looked reasonable and well paying and I seemed qualified for and I was about to submit my resume when I got to the line that said, "This job will require you to interact with various departments on site, such as the Accounting department, the PR department, the Slaughtering/Processing department."


Sunday, February 21, 2010

I'm not talking about True to the Faith

I was going to tell you that even though I haven't been the ward organist for four months the one day that I am asked to sub is the day we sing True to the Faith and how the number of times I have had to play that song on the organ in this ward has entered into ridiculous levels and how, when I mentioned this to the chorister she said, "No, we've maybe only sung it twice," and how I refrained from being snarky and reminding her that last year we did, in fact, sing it twice...IN ONE MONTH and that I may still be holding a grudge that only gets worse the more I have to play it and how I am now determined to learn that song IF IT KILLS ME! Which it probably will. If my ward really wants a laugh they will play that as the closing hymn at my funeral.

But no, I'm not going to tell you about it because clearly I'm a bit sensitive about it. Instead I'm going to tell you that we had an Olympic themed Primary activity on Saturday and it was hilarious fun. We had the kids doing speed skating on paper plates and bobsledding on sleeping bags. They curled and played hockey and made flags and had a parade of nations and got gold medals at the end. Oh it was fun. I love those kids. They make me laugh. And they don't care that I can't play True to the Faith.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Curlers and Pirates

Heather and I took an impromptu trip to Disneyland yesterday. This is the beauty of the annual pass. And also the beauty of unemployment.

Quick sidetrack: Another beauty of unemployment being that I have countless hours to watch the Olympics, which includes curling. Valerie alluded to this in a recent post but I would like to briefly expound upon the strange phenomenon of cute curlers. Who knew? I mean, really, who knew that the cute guys hang out at curling lanes? I suppose there could be cute guys anywhere but I guess I've always equated curling to bowling and have you ever seen a cute bowler? No, you haven't. So it's a bit of a surprise. A rather pleasant one.

Okay, I'm back on track, which was this: I'm a little frightened of Pirates of the Caribbean. I never use to be but yesterday we went on and for the first time I looked into the eyes of the animatronic pirates and got the willies. It looks like they're peering deep into your soul and only have foul play on their minds.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Olympic Recap

Olympic recap (so far):

1.) Curling is mesmerizing. And not just because of the cute guy on the German team.

2.) The Biathlon is clearly the greatest sport on the planet. Although I think that it would be better if they were shooting at targets like at those shooting galleries at Knott's Berry Farm. Maybe a nice saloon scene.

3.) I'm going to admit it here: I'm not that interested in figure skating. I don't think sports should include artistic points.

4.) But I am not ashamed to also admit: I welled up a bit when the Chinese pairs skaters won because I'm sucker for those type of stories.

5.) Timed races are a bit of a let down. Like in cross country skiing when the starts are staggered so they're just racing the clock instead of each other. I prefer the cross country skiing where they're neck and neck and their drool and snot have frozen around their mouths and it's a race to the finish. Now that's a real sport.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Presidential hair

In my attempt to learn about the presidents this year I came across this little gem in the New York Times: Hair Styles of the US Presidents!

Hello Chester A. Arthur.

I'm seriously considering printing this out and hanging it in my bathroom.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Total MuuMuu Immersion

I was talking to Amanda today about my Total MuuMuu Immersion when I'm 70. My plan is to completely switch out my wardrobe to muumuus. I hope that by that time my leg hairs will have stopped growing (I hear rumors that this happens) so I won't have to shave my legs every day. Being a good friend, Amanda cautioned me to not think too much about it because I am liable to just bag the wait and start now - seeing as I'm 80 and all. But I told her that I refuse to even go to the grocery store in work out clothes, like every other human being does, so she doesn't have much to worry about now.

Except that it was an exhausting day today. I've been fighting off this mutant cough for 4 days now and this was the first morning I woke up feeling like I could face the world. So I made a list of things to do and got at them. Only I didn't factor in the Valentine's Day crowd. I went to Target and there were hundreds of people in line with flowers and candies and teddy bears and then I went to Albertson's and it was the same story and two hours later I got home and all I wanted was a muumuu and a nap.

Instead I made dessert won tons for our Olympics party we're throwing tonight. Here's a taste of what the festivities will be like:

Definitely worth missing a nap.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Duke

My dad's cousin Mike (some of you may know him as The Duke) died suddenly last week and the funeral was this morning. It was very unexpected and it is still kind of hard to process that he won't be around to say inappropriate things in church. Because if anyone was going to say something inappropriate, in church or any other place, it would be Mike. And we all loved him for it. You would roll your eyes and shake your head and then he'd laugh and you'd laugh and then he'd give you a hug that would crack your ribs and your face would be buried in his enormous beard and you couldn't help but love the guy.
So it's sad. But I have one of those families that even during sad times it's hard not to have fun. I come from a long line of loud, funny people who find it difficult to not crack a joke, even while crying. Maybe especially while crying. The funeral service lasted about an hour and a half but the luncheon that followed lasted two. And anytime I would hear someone laugh I could pick them out as a member of my extended family and I couldn't help but feel blessed that this is what I come from.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Right Conditions

It's raining outside. I am feverish and have a hacking cough that I fear is consumption. I am still in my pajamas and wearing the sweater I knitted that is 5 times too big.

If I had a bottle of laudanum and a slight mental disorder these would be the perfect conditions to write a really good novel.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Winner and Other Tales

I have several items of importance:

1.) I had Katie do the drawing for the Mr. T bookmark (drawn out of my Dodger ice cream batting helmet cup) and the winner is the beautiful and talented COLLEEN!!!!! Fun Fact: Colleen had a Nightmare Before Christmas topper on her wedding cake. And that is just one of the many things to love about her.
2.) Have any of you ever heard the Irish folk song Molly Malone? Yeah, me neither. But it came up as one of the randomly selected songs on a karaoke game we were playing at Katie's Karaoke Birthday Spectacular on Saturday. None of us knew it but it ended up winning the prize for Funniest Moment of the Night because it's about a fishmonger named Molly Malone who sells cockles and mussels along the narrow streets and then dies and her ghost takes up the job. We were already in a pretty jovial mood but when the word fishmonger showed up in the lyrics we lost it. I haven't laughed that hard for that long in ages and my abs are suffering from it today. But here's the funny twist to the story (mostly for those who were there) we were telling my parents about the song, and how I laughed so hard I went into the grandpa wheeze, and my dad started singing it. He knew the whole thing! He learned it in elementary school, where he also learned the Pinata Song, which is a huge family favorite. Clearly Ernie Pyle Elementary in Bellflower, CA knows where it's at, music-wise.
3.) I was having trouble connect my computer to the wireless internet and after spending 27 years on the phone with tech support in India the problem wasn't solved so I took it to the Geek Squad. The guy helping turned on my computer and saw this picture as my wallpaper:
He gasped. Those are the Blessed Nephews meeting Tigger for the first time. It was absolutely the cutest thing ever. But he wasn't gasping over the cuteness. He was gasping over Tigger. Disney Freak Alert!!!!!!! He spent the next 15 minutes talking about Disneyland. I was in heaven. You know how much I love people like this. People who are freakishly passionate about things. My strategy when I meet these good folks is to just smile and nod and occasionally give an encouraging word to get them to talk as much as possible because I know that I'll strike gold. This guy did not disappoint. He first guessed (correctly, I might add) exactly where in the park the picture was taken. Then he told me all about the remodeling they're doing at California Adventure. Then I heard all about his best friend's recent trip to Disney World. Then, and this is when I knew it was a miracle that my computer was on the fritz, he told me about the Chewbacca backpack he wears when he goes. And the Yoda and Han Solo backpacks he made for his friends! Jackpot! If the counter hadn't been in the way I would have given him a hug and possibly proposed marriage. I went in fearing the worst (I always fear the worst when technology is involved. I blame robots.) and left with a fixed computer and a great story.

Friday, February 5, 2010

She can reach things on the top shelf

My family has a joke that if you have bad news you had better wait until Katie's birthday to give it because that's when all bad news seems to come. We joke about it, because it's almost comical how often it happens, and oh how we laugh - until the next February 4th rolls around and tragedy actually does strike.

So, needless to say, yesterday was a bit of a weeper. It wasn't a total bust because we got some great news at the end, but it was a day full of intermittent tears.

Poor Katie, right?

So, I think we need to have a giveaway. Because what is cheerier than a give away?

How about a Mr. T bookmark. Mostly because I really like making them. In honor of Katie's birthday you can enter by leaving a comment telling us what your favorite thing about Katie is, and if you don't know Katie, you can make something up. You have until Monday at noon.


This is entirely unrelated but does anyone in my area have the Percy Jackson books and if so, may I borrow them? Too many people have recommended them to me to ignore. I'm back on the Book Buying Moratorium so that's not an option and neither the Upland Library nor the entire LA County Library system have them. I have also checked out book swapping sites and can't find them anywhere. It's smells of conspiracy. As an incentive, when I borrow a book I like to send it back with a bookmark.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Legos or Barbies

1.) I spent the morning watching my friend's boys and I have come to the conclusion that boys have better toys then girls. What are Barbies to Legos? Cynde and I use to destroy her Barbies. We would turn them into punk rockers and chop off all of their hair.

2.) You know those family stickers that people put on the back of their cars? With the mom and the dad and the kids? Well, this morning I saw one that had a woman, three bunnies, a parrot and a gold fish. At first I wanted to cry. But then I realized that just the fact of her putting those stickers on and announcing to the world that she loved her pets meant that she was pretty thrilled with her life. So good for her. But, for the record, if you see me driving around with those type of stickers on my car it's a cry for help and I need an intervention.

3.) I have set some goals, one of them being that I have to learn how to do two new things every month. It can be learning a new habit, like flossing every day, or learning a new skill, like how to tat. This week I am learning how to whistle really loud. The kind of whistling where you have to stick your fingers in your mouth and the whistle is so loud that people have to cover their ears. I can finally get sound out but now I'm working on volume. My goal is to be proficient by my first Dodger game of the year.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

We Danced with Ellen

I went to a taping of the Ellen show yesterday (which is airing today. Look for me waving over the heads of the tall people standing in front of me in the very very very back) with Camille, Allison and Lydia*, and here is what happened:

1.) We danced A LOT. After waiting in the holding area across the street in the parking garage for 2 hours they finally moved us into the studio and started us dancing. For like 30 minutes. Which, I have to say, is loads of fun. But also sweaty because you're dancing under hot studio lights. So all the preparation for possible camera sightings went out the window.

2.) LL Cool J blinded me with his super muscly arms. Knights of Columbus. If the camera adds 10 pounds his arms will look like tree trunks on TV. And I'm not talking about oaks or elms. No. Sequoias.

3.) Serena Williams came out and proved that the camera does indeed add 10 pounds because she is much smaller than she looks on TV. This could also be because she's normal sized and every one she competes against is a Russian stick figure.

4.) Ellen tried to convince us to go off of sugar. Fat chance.

Here's what didn't happen:

1.) We didn't go home with anything. I haven't watched a lot of her show but in the ones that I have seen she gives things away. And not just boxes of Rice-a-Roni, but good things like Wiis and iPods. While we were waiting down in the parking garage they showed us previous episodes wherein she gave tons of stuff away. So let's just say our expectations were high that we would get something. Anything. And yet, we left with nothing. And let me tell you, the people were bitter. We all walked out with sad, disappointed looks on our faces and I think that had we not spent the last hour and a half dancing like maniacs we would have had the strength to storm the offices and revolt.

*Lydia is Swiss and Allie, Camille and I are of Swiss decent which means that chocolate and cuckoo clocks magically appeared on the dashboard on our drive out to Burbank.

Monday, February 1, 2010

My New BFF

Dear Clinton Kelly,

It is no surprise that 1.) given my love for beauty pageants and 2.) given my love for you, I would watch the Miss America: Behind the Curtain special you hosted the other night. It lived up to my expectations in more ways then just giving away secrets tips of pageant contestants, like spraying hair spray on your face to keep your make-up from running. You never know when this information will come in handy.

But aside from that I found a couple of other things fascinating:

1.) During the segment when you went through the interview process with the judges you were asked to tell your guilty pleasure. You said, “I like to make a whole box of Craft Macaroni and Cheese and watch a marathon of America’s Next Top Model.”

2.) During the talent portion you mentioned to your co-host that if a girl is going to shimmy she needs to shimmy all the way, and then you demonstrated.

Um, are you trying to tell me something? Could it possibly be that we should be best friends? Because I agree! I already love you on What Not to Wear. I think you give great advice in a sassy but kind way. You have that Tim Gunn quality that makes me think that I would never make another poor choice ever again if we were friends.

So let’s give it a shot. Thanks to my current state of Elegant Leisure I have discovered that reruns of ANTM are on nearly round the clock. You can come over to my place and I’ll make us some mac and cheese and we can laugh at the crazy antics of Tyra for hours and hours. We can practice our shimmying during the commercial breaks.

Hugs and Kisses from Your New BFF,


PS. As your new BFF I think it’s only right for me to tell you that you might want to rethink the beard. I know that it’s the new hip accessory for men, and few women love a good beard more than I, but the pattern of grey in yours makes it look like you grew it to fit in with some Appalachian cousins or something.