Dear Clinton Kelly,
It is no surprise that 1.) given my love for beauty pageants and 2.) given my love for you, I would watch the Miss America: Behind the Curtain special you hosted the other night. It lived up to my expectations in more ways then just giving away secrets tips of pageant contestants, like spraying hair spray on your face to keep your make-up from running. You never know when this information will come in handy.
But aside from that I found a couple of other things fascinating:
1.) During the segment when you went through the interview process with the judges you were asked to tell your guilty pleasure. You said, “I like to make a whole box of Craft Macaroni and Cheese and watch a marathon of America’s Next Top Model.”
2.) During the talent portion you mentioned to your co-host that if a girl is going to shimmy she needs to shimmy all the way, and then you demonstrated.
Um, are you trying to tell me something? Could it possibly be that we should be best friends? Because I agree! I already love you on What Not to Wear. I think you give great advice in a sassy but kind way. You have that Tim Gunn quality that makes me think that I would never make another poor choice ever again if we were friends.
So let’s give it a shot. Thanks to my current state of Elegant Leisure I have discovered that reruns of ANTM are on nearly round the clock. You can come over to my place and I’ll make us some mac and cheese and we can laugh at the crazy antics of Tyra for hours and hours. We can practice our shimmying during the commercial breaks.
Hugs and Kisses from Your New BFF,
PS. As your new BFF I think it’s only right for me to tell you that you might want to rethink the beard. I know that it’s the new hip accessory for men, and few women love a good beard more than I, but the pattern of grey in yours makes it look like you grew it to fit in with some Appalachian cousins or something.