Because I'm curious and have spare time

Announcement, I'm back to making funny things out of felt and to jump start it I'm having a give away.  If you answer any of the following questions you will be entered into a drawing to receive an original felt bookmark of your choice.  You want want Yoda?  You can have Yoda.  Mr. T?  Sure. Wayne Newton?  Elvis?  The cast of Three's Company?  It's entirely up to you.  

On to the questions:

1.)  Did you get your free Slurpee on 7/11?  Because I did.  Look how happy we are together.  MFEO.  Also, what is going on with my bangs?  Particularly that wonky part on the left. Dumb cowlick.

Question:  What is your favorite Slurpee flavor?

2.)  I'm back to the ring watch.  Why did I ever leave?  Seeing my fingernails that long is giving me anxiety.  

Question:  Do you wear a watch?

3.)  Katie came home from shopping and presented me with this lemonade.  This will mean nothing to you unless you know that my dad's nickname for me is Hubert.  It is a mystery how he came to call me that - even to him - but I've been Hubert my whole life.  It makes no sense.  But the lemonade was tasty.

Questions:  What is your nickname?

4.)  Hey, what's that black thing on the wall of my parking garage?   

Oh, just a moth the size of a postcard.  And not one of those cheapo 5 for a dollar postcards but a fancy large glossy one that you can find at the gift shop in the Museum of Things that Scare the Holy Cats Out of Rachel

When I got close enough to take a picture it struck me that at any moment that moth could fly at my face, pick me up by my wonky bangs and carry me across the street to WalMart, you know, to complete my personal nightmare.  I felt incredibly brave.

Questions:  What flying and/or creeping thing would you not get close to even to take a picture for your blog?

5.)  I took this of me and my mom in Union Station while waiting to board the train to Chicago

Question:  Isn't my mom the cutest?  (Hint, there is only one answer to this.)

Thankful for Pie and Other Things

1.)  My flight from NY to LA was the longest flight in the history of all flights.  We could have flown to Mars and back with a side trip to the moon in the time it took us to get to LA.  And I was sitting next to Sprawly McSprawlster.  Mr. I Refuse to Be Contained In This Seat So Feel My Elbow Up In Your Ribcage for 87 Hours.  Mr. Also I'm Not Turning My Cell Phone Off So If We End Up In Zanzibar Just Suck It Up.  Mr. And Another Thing, I'm Going To Scroll Through Some Facebook Pictures of Skanky Girls I Know.  Boy, did I miss Maureen and Al.

2.)  Katie and Camille picked me up at the airport and had giant signs.  There are few things I love more than a public spectacle in my honor.  Sadly, I missed it all as I took a different route to the baggage claim.  But apparently they had people cheering for me for an hour and a half, including none other than Ben Savage from that classic 90's sitcom Boy Meets World.

3.)  As promised, we stopped at In-N-Out on the way home from the airport.  It was 12:15am on Thanksgiving.  I was thankful for my cheeseburger.

4.)  I did not sleep well when I got home, even after being awake for about 2 straight days.  But last night I slept for 11 hours - which is a record for me.  When I woke up I could have wept from the joy of it all.

5.)  After we finished Thanksgiving dinner we got a surprise at the door:  The Blessed Nephews and their Parents!!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me?!  Could you just die over this cuteness?

6.)  Hey, remember how I was supposed to have a drawing?  Well, I didn't forget.  I just have to travel around the world and eat pie and sleep the sleep of the dead.  So I'm pleased to announce the winner is...BOB!  His favorite Thanksgiving food is deep fried turkey slathered in gravy and to that I say Amen, Brother!  Have you had deep fried turkey?  Knights of Columbus!  It's the food of kings.  Email me, Bob, with your address and what B-List celebrity you would like on a bookmark.

7.)  Ye Olde Etsy Shoppe is back in business so if you'd like a bookmark or something else that is felty and funny head on over.  I'll get it to you before Christmas.  Pinky Promise.

8.)  I'm sitting at my desk and looking out at the blue sky and the mountains I've looked at my entire life that are covered in snow and sunshine and I can't even express how much it thrills me to be back home.  This adventure has been phenomenal but gosh, I've missed this place.

Happy (Early) Thanksgiving

We celebrated the eid not by slaughtering a sheep (we could hear them bleating throughout the neighborhood yesterday morning...because they were probably having so much fun being beloved pets) but by having a proper American Thanksgiving (minus the turkey and football).  Since I won't be here for Thanksgiving (one week, folks) we decided to feast a little early.  We invited Kyle and Sun over and cooked all sorts of good food.  A few observations:

1.)  When I opened my window this morning it felt like Thanksgiving:  that is to say, 70 degress and sun, sun, sun. 

2.)  We had the best stuffing ever.  Ever!  America's Test Kitchen cornbread and sausage stuffing.  Knights of Columbus, was I ever thankful for it.

3.)  Bronwyn doesn't own a pie pan (We're not judging you, B.)  There are cake pans aplenty, but nothing to bake a pie in.  So I free-formed an apple pie and it turned out fantastic.  Even with the weird sugar they have here.  The granuals are so large that they don't completely desolve in baking. 

4.)  Kyle and Sun were introduced to the very Mormon tradition of Jello as part of the Thanksgiving feast.

5.)  Have you ever had a Thanksgiving feast that included fewer than 2 desserts?  Me neither.  And I think that's grand.  Yummy Pumpkin Stuff made an appearance.  You don't know YPS?  Sad.

Since I am so close to coming home to the World's Largest Felt Collection how about a give-away?  Leave a comment with your favorite Thanksgiving food and you'll be entered into a contest to win a bookmark with a character of your choice.  Either one that I've already done or one that you think will be funny.  Contest ends Sunday at noon (in Tunisia.  I'll let you do the math.)

You Won!!!!!!

I use a very scientific method to determine winners of the drawings. I write down all the names of people who left comments on little slips of paper and put them in a cup,



this time in one of my cute little punch cups that I never use for actual punch,



and then I draw a name.




Congratulations Jared & Laurel! I wish I knew who you were so that I could tell everyone some interesting facts about you other than that one or both of you had lamb tacos for dinner. Although I can say you have the distinction of being the first complete stranger(s) to win a prize here. Oh dear, unless you're not a complete stranger. I'm horrible with names. We're probably best friends and I've completely forgotten you. Forgive me? And send your contact info to rachelknecht at gmail dot com and I'll ship Mr. T off.

Now, I know that I've had several drawings for this guy and I know that some of you are heartbroken that you still haven't won him. And I bet you're tired of risking your luck like that. Am I right? Well, I've finally got him up on Etsy. He could be yours! He could hold your page for you in your tenth reading of Twilight! He could sit on top of your desk, like he does mine, and you can hold private conversations with him about world politics or the price of shoes. He is the soul of discretion.

The Winner and Other Tales

I have several items of importance:

1.) I had Katie do the drawing for the Mr. T bookmark (drawn out of my Dodger ice cream batting helmet cup) and the winner is the beautiful and talented COLLEEN!!!!! Fun Fact: Colleen had a Nightmare Before Christmas topper on her wedding cake. And that is just one of the many things to love about her.

2.) Have any of you ever heard the Irish folk song Molly Malone? Yeah, me neither. But it came up as one of the randomly selected songs on a karaoke game we were playing at Katie's Karaoke Birthday Spectacular on Saturday. None of us knew it but it ended up winning the prize for Funniest Moment of the Night because it's about a fishmonger named Molly Malone who sells cockles and mussels along the narrow streets and then dies and her ghost takes up the job. We were already in a pretty jovial mood but when the word fishmonger showed up in the lyrics we lost it. I haven't laughed that hard for that long in ages and my abs are suffering from it today. But here's the funny twist to the story (mostly for those who were there) we were telling my parents about the song, and how I laughed so hard I went into the grandpa wheeze, and my dad started singing it. He knew the whole thing! He learned it in elementary school, where he also learned the Pinata Song, which is a huge family favorite. Clearly Ernie Pyle Elementary in Bellflower, CA knows where it's at, music-wise.

3.) I was having trouble connect my computer to the wireless internet and after spending 27 years on the phone with tech support in India the problem wasn't solved so I took it to the Geek Squad. The guy helping turned on my computer and saw this picture as my wallpaper:

He gasped. Those are the Blessed Nephews meeting Tigger for the first time. It was absolutely the cutest thing ever. But he wasn't gasping over the cuteness. He was gasping over Tigger. Disney Freak Alert!!!!!!! He spent the next 15 minutes talking about Disneyland. I was in heaven. You know how much I love people like this. People who are freakishly passionate about things. My strategy when I meet these good folks is to just smile and nod and occasionally give an encouraging word to get them to talk as much as possible because I know that I'll strike gold. This guy did not disappoint. He first guessed (correctly, I might add) exactly where in the park the picture was taken. Then he told me all about the remodeling they're doing at California Adventure. Then I heard all about his best friend's recent trip to Disney World. Then, and this is when I knew it was a miracle that my computer was on the fritz, he told me about the Chewbacca backpack he wears when he goes. And the Yoda and Han Solo backpacks he made for his friends! Jackpot! If the counter hadn't been in the way I would have given him a hug and possibly proposed marriage. I went in fearing the worst (I always fear the worst when technology is involved. I blame robots.) and left with a fixed computer and a great story.

She can reach things on the top shelf

My family has a joke that if you have bad news you had better wait until Katie's birthday to give it because that's when all bad news seems to come. We joke about it, because it's almost comical how often it happens, and oh how we laugh - until the next February 4th rolls around and tragedy actually does strike.

So, needless to say, yesterday was a bit of a weeper. It wasn't a total bust because we got some great news at the end, but it was a day full of intermittent tears.

Poor Katie, right?

So, I think we need to have a giveaway. Because what is cheerier than a give away?

How about a Mr. T bookmark. Mostly because I really like making them. In honor of Katie's birthday you can enter by leaving a comment telling us what your favorite thing about Katie is, and if you don't know Katie, you can make something up. You have until Monday at noon.

*****************

This is entirely unrelated but does anyone in my area have the Percy Jackson books and if so, may I borrow them? Too many people have recommended them to me to ignore. I'm back on the Book Buying Moratorium so that's not an option and neither the Upland Library nor the entire LA County Library system have them. I have also checked out book swapping sites and can't find them anywhere. It's smells of conspiracy. As an incentive, when I borrow a book I like to send it back with a bookmark.

This Blog is an 80 year old woman

Well, what do you know, it's my 400th post. Did pinwheel fireworks sprout out of your computer? Because they sure did on mine.

So far I have celebrated by SENDING OUT RESUMES!!!!! And FILLING OUT ONLINE APPLICATIONS!!!!!!! I tell you, the fun never stops around here. I was just about to dig out my recorder to play Miley Cyrus' classic hit Party in the USA as I march down to the mail box to see if my unemployment paperwork has come in.

But how I'm really going to celebrate is by diving into the World's Largest Felt Collection to make something funny to give away to one of you. I'm going to attempt Richard Simmons on a bookmark.

If you want him leave me a comment telling me what your favorite breakfast cereal is and you'll be in the drawing. I ask because as I was pulling down my box of Rice Crispies from the top of the fridge this morning I counted 11 boxes of cereal up there. Which should be an indication to you that breakfast cereal is not just for breakfast 'round these parts.

And it should be noted that when I write "breakfast cereal" I'm writing it with a British accent because that is how I hear it in my head in the voice of Michael Palin:

Mr. T's new home is...

I just did the drawing for the Mr. T bookmark and congratulations and a hearty slap on the back go to:

SARAHGURL!

Interesting bits of trivia about Sarah include: 1.) We were both born on August 17th, which makes both of us AWESOME, 2.) her mother was my beloved piano teacher, and by beloved I mean zany. Some of you may have heard stories about my piano lessons. They are all true.

Send me your address Sarah (rachelknecht at gmail dot com) and I'll ship him off. But with a glass of milk laced with sleeping pills because you know how much he hates to fly.

And the winner is...

Giving things away is fun! And drawings are fun! Until this year my brothers and sisters and I use to draw names to see who we would be buying Christmas presents for. Now we're on a rotation system, which, I suppose is more practical and very grown up. But I'm a little sad that we don't get to have the actual drawing. There's just so much excitement involved. I could have gone to one of those fancy web sites that randomly selects a number for you but I wanted to physically draw a name out of a cup. So that's what I did. I wrote all of your names down on little strips of paper and folded them up and put them in a cup.

And the winner is...

Gina!!!!!

My own sister.

Thus proving that it was, in fact, a completely arbitrary draw. And also incredibly convenient because I think according to the new gift giving system we buy a present for the person just older than us! Merry Christmas, Gina!!!! Or was it just younger than us? Gina, share with Katie. Merry Christmas, Katie!!!!!

Okay, so I'm feel even more generous and drawing names is seriously so much fun, I want to draw another one. So, the second winner of a 1 lb box of See's is...

Bronwyn!!!!!

Yay! I was secretly hoping that it was someone who had never had See's before. I was actually kind of surprised by how many of you hadn't. And then I realized that it's mostly a western states kind of thing which of course made me feel lucky, and a little superior, and really sad for you. And how about this for exotic: Bronwyn lives in Tunisia. Where they definitely don't have See's. She's a diplomat's wife. Now, if that does not just scream Woman of Elegant Leisure I don't know what does. I like to envision her lounging on a chaise in the shade of her fruit trees, the warm Mediterranian breezes gently rustling the edges of her silk caftan. And now I get to picture her delicately picking through a box of chocolates.

So congratulations Gina & Bronwyn! Email me with mailing instructions.

And thanks to all of you for playing along. This was so much fun that I think I'll have give aways more often so stay tuned.