All Hail the Papal Countess

Firstly, Happy Leap Day to one and all


Secondly, on Saturday we went into LA with our friends Rex and Vickie to some of our favorite places to eat. The intent was to go to one place then go to the temple then another place, to kind of space things out. But then we found out that the temple was closed that week so we went and got food anyway but in between went to the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels instead. It's always fun to take people there because it's pretty impressive. It doesn't exactly look like a regular cathedral because it's really modern. But it is cavernous and there are all of these cool tapestries of saints and the organ is just grand. Did I ever tell you about the time I was there with some friends and there happened to be a wedding going on? The place is so big that we sat in the back with a tour group and reveled in the glory of that organ playing the wedding march. Wowee! My bones rattled.

When you go you must visit the mausoleum downstairs. If only to say hello to Gregory Peck. I spotted something that I had never seen on any of my previous visits. In the back of the mausoleum is an alter where Daniel and Bernadine Donohue are buried (placed? entombed? resting? I don't even know.) And on their tombstones it says that he was a Gentleman in Waiting to His Holiness and she was a Papal Countess. What is this?! A Papal Countess! You know for sure there is a turban involved with this title. Definitely large jewelry. I looked it up and it turns out a pope can bestow the title of  Papal Count and Countess to wealthy patrons basically. This makes sense. And they did sound like decent people who helped unwed mothers and such. But geez, what a hefty title. Pope John XXIII gave them the titles. And if you're interested, his bone marrow is encased in a decorative thingy for your viewing pleasure. The security guard who pointed this out kept referring to him just as 23. This kind of grated me as much as when people of my own faith say, "Well, Monson said..." Heathens.

Incidentally, rates for the mausoleum start at $50,000. So start saving your pennies if you want to be next to Atticus.

I've got the goods

Recommendation time:

1. May I point you in the direction of this hot cocoa mix from Alton Brown? I know that it's practically spring but some of you may still be feeling the bite of winter. I like having a jar of cocoa mix at the ready because truthfully, those little packets are not enough. They are for an 8 ounce mug and who wants just 8 ounces or cocoa? Monks, maybe. Every year I just wing a recipe and it turns out fine but not like, the BEST. So I thought this year I would be an adult about it and find a professional to help me out. And now my cocoa jar (one that has a silhouette of a steaming cup of cocoa etched onto the glass, which I made at a Relief Society function that was more for etching your name on your Pyrex 9x13 so no one steals it at the next ward pot luck. Don't worry, I did the 9x13 too. I am nothing if not precious.) is filled to the brim. And it's gooooood. I went the extra mile and mixed in some finely chopped chocolate. I liked this recipe because every other recipe I've seen involves non-dairy creamer and/or tapioca, both of which are weird.

2. I'm loving the Washington Post's podcast Presidential (you can find it on iTunes). Each week until the election they feature one president starting with dear old George Washington and his rotten teeth. Although it's a quick 40 minutes so they didn't even get to his rotten teeth. They did talk a lot about how much the ladies liked him. The downside of the podcast is that it makes me a little nostalgic for true politics and not this slimy pandering we have now. Kind of like when I watch the West Wing and start praying that Jed Bartlett come to life and run for president with the help of the whole gang. I am hitting my cynical phase of this election season. (Oh, sweet land of liberty, please let this election season hurry up and die. I'm at the point where I think every single one of them are horrible mutants and I don't even care anymore, just make it stop!)

3. The book Radioactive by Lauren Redniss. About Marie and Pierre Curie. Geez, this was beautiful. I read the whole thing out loud to myself. Sometimes I do this, okay? It's not weird, I promise. Sometimes writing is just so pretty that it needs to be heard. And there is gorgeous art throughout. But it's a little sad, because, you know, radiation. Every time it was mentioned that Marie was sleeping with bits of her dust tucked under her pillow I would groan and say, "Oh, Marie." Also, the book glows in the dark. Just like Marie's lab notebooks still do to this day.

4. Photographer Steve McCurry's blog. You know his work with National Geographic, I'm sure. But on his blog he complies pictures he has taken over the years into a single theme. So eyes or books or prayer and puts in quotes about that theme. It's really lovely. Also, his Instagram feed is good too.

For Ravenclaw!

Stacy and the kids were down for a week and the party never stopped. (Dear Sam, you cannot stay away forever. One of these days you have to come back to California! I know that you're busy with your "job" and being the "bishop" but we will not be ignored! Love, Rachel) One of the driving reasons for moving into my parents home instead of renting it out to someone was so that family could come and visit us and have a place to sleep. Mission accomplished. There was sleeping all over the place. In fact, at dinner on Sunday night Eliza burst into tears and wailed, "I just want to go to bed now!" We wore that girl out.

Commence highlight reel:

1. A Valentine's Day party. Complete with tacos, treats, fancy pink beverages, and bingo. And the requisite Aunts Dance Party to cap the night off. Ben and Tom missed out on their school V-Day parties so we wanted to go all out. There was pink everywhere. Also, the kids got us red roses and handed them out to us. Maybe the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.

2. The Beach, where we froze. It has been hot here, even for February (I say that like I'm south of the equator but it's true, February is historically warm.) Every day last week was a roaster, even Saturday was a roaster everywhere else but the beach, where it was cold and cloudy.

We rented a duffy and putted around Newport Harbor. The kids were less than impressed - they kept asking when it was going to be over, the little savages - but any time spent on a boat is heaven for me as boats are one of the four truly appropriate methods of transportation for a Lady of Elegant Leisure. The other three being convertibles, trains, and zeppelins. But it was rather gloomy.

If you drove literally one mile inland it was nothing but sunshine and warm breezes.

3. Eliza is always hungry. She is a bottomless pit...for sweets. We would eat lunch and then 30 minutes later she would say, "I'm really hungry." So I would suggest a piece of fruit and then she would counter with a pan of brownies. So we made brownies, after fruit. Look, this is what aunts do! They were all excellent little cooks:

4. Phoebes is getting extra cute:

5. Ben and Tom are reading Harry Potter and it is thrilling. They love it. Do you remember the first time you read it? It kind of kills me that I had to read it as an adult. I think 10 year old me would have died over it. They're in the middle of The Prisoner of Azkaban so as we were talking about death eaters they started listing them off.

"Lucius Malfoy."
"Yep"
"Sirius Black"
"...Um."
"Snape"
"(whimper)"

We sorted them into houses on Pottermore (the new version of which is not nearly as fun) and Ben was not thrilled to be in Hufflepuff

Tom was in Ravenclaw like me and all weekend he kept saying, "For Ravenclaw!" to me.

Come back to us, family!! We have spare rooms and everything!

Night on Broadway

This is the ladies room in the Los Angeles Theater in downtown LA and I am convinced that it is haunted. Only because it looks like it should be. It is GLORIOUS. Albeit a little rundown. 

That's the thing about the theaters in LA. Our Broadway is lined with really beautiful old theaters that for decades were left in disrepair. A few were actually turned into swap meets. The indignity! But there's been a real push to revitalize downtown and part of that is restoring the old theaters. And some of them are really coming back strong. One night a year Broadway is shut down to traffic and all the old girls are opened up and you can roam through them and dream about days of yore. Like would you wear the emeralds or the diamonds with your mink stole when you go see Macbeth. I say both! My favorite room to daydream in these places is always the ladies room because they are sooooo elegant. Most of the theaters have rooms filled with little vanity mirrors. And ugh, the glamour. 

Katie, Heather and I went down on Saturday to check it all out. And all of Los Angeles was there. As much as I hate a crowd I do love the variety of people. There were families with little kids and German tourists and folks in spats and flapper dresses and old people and young people and many, many men with creative facial hair. There was a booth giving hair cuts and a hula hooping station and a silent disco and bands playing every few yards and H&R Block was giving out tax advice. I mean the place was nuts! 

And the theaters. Oh, the theaters. When the Wealthy Benefactor arrives we will have a party down in the ballroom of the Los Angeles Theater. Mark my words! 

Foxy Ladies on the Town

This is the silent disco. Everyone is given a headset with the same music playing and they just danced in the street.

We went back to that taco place we tried on our food tour a few weeks ago and this time got the taco sampler. Holy mole!

Empathetic Voles

1. There was a sort of interesting article about how prairie voles manifest signs of empathy. Interesting in that there are people out there who study prairie voles. I am pretty fascinated by the career path of those people. Did they always have a thing for voles? Or did they get into college and find them? Or did they leave college, become an accountant, go on a vacation to Kansas, spot a vole in the wild, and have an epiphany that THIS is what they have been missing all theirs lives? Or are they just animal behavioral scientists who just happen to have voles on hand to study?

Of it it because voles are cute

And, also, the word vole is funny to say.

2. Thirty years, you guys! It's been thirty years since the space shuttle Challenger exploded. Some of you weren't even born! I was in the 5th grade and we did not have a TV in the room so we got the news when the secretary called Mr. O'Clock to tell him and some dumb kid laughed and Mr. O'Clock lost it on him. And then when I got home I sat in our living room and watched the news all afternoon. Boy, that was a sad day. I was already set on being an astronaut by that time. I'd like to thank my 1st grade teacher Mrs. Boyd for that. She talked a lot about Sally Ride. 

3. I had a cold over the weekend (and all this week and I am so D.O.N.E. blowing my nose) so naturally I spent it binge watching the 2nd season of When Calls the Heart. If that isn't the corniest show out there, I don't know what is. And I love it. We all love it! Admit it! But I have one serious beef with it. The styling of the characters looks like they just strolled into a some junior college theater department and rummaged through the generic period piece costumes and threw them on. All of the lady's blouses look like they could have been purchased at JC Penny's. And every casual outfit that Mountie Jack wore was straight from an LL Bean catalog. And the hair and make-up! What respectable woman in Olden Times wore her hair down like that? Or that much make-up? Lori Loughlin looked like she literally just strolled in from Malibu with her beachy highlights and tan and threw on a long skirt and a peasant top. I couldn't handle it. But then they'd say something endearingly cheese-ball and I'd forgive them and their lack of authenticity.  And then I'd blow my nose.

What was once lost

About a year and a half ago my computer crashed and I lost everything because I'm an idiot and I don't back anything up. Including all of my writings and all of my pictures, specifically the ones from my time in Tunisia. Obviously this was a blow. Why?! Why won't I learn?!

But lo, a miracle.

There, sitting in a little bag that I used to keep in my purse containing lip gloss and safety pins and other sundries was a flash drive that I popped into my computer and ALL OF MY PICTURES AND WRITINGS WERE THERE!!!!!!!! Oh Sweet Land of Liberty! I am not an idiot after all! I am a genius! I just can't remember being a genius, that's all.

Things that were lost but are now found include this picture of a sunset on the edge of the Sahara:

and this dead pope interned for all to see at the Vatican

and me convincing this bird to not peck my eyes out because I had had a really rough night

And snippets from little stories that include 

"You don't think a man of Hemingway's inclination and disposition would need a pair of warm socks from time to time? A man with such vices as his would certainly have poor blood circulation."

and

"Share your mutant power of getting rid of your own zits only if it manifests itself in a more profound way. Like, say, getting rid of other people's zits."

Treasures, I tell you. To me, at least. Oh, I was heartbroken for a long time and now I am not. 

Get set for goose bumps

1. Katie and I did a food tour of downtown LA on Saturday through Six Taste. We met up at the front of the Biltmore Hotel with 13 other people and our tour guide and started walking. We had Thai, horchata boba, Jamaican patties and juice, guisada tacos, Austrian sausage and pretzels, BBQ brisket, and ice cream. Obviously, the tacos were the stuff of dreams. Every place we went to just gave us small samples, which was smart, but then I wanted like 20 more of those tacos. The Thai was mediocre and the boba was weird, as usual, (does anyone else feel, as I do, like shouting, "Will this boba ever end?!" whenever you have it?") but everything else was fantastic. I am now available to take you around to all of these places for Los Angeles adventures. Just name the date.

2. I held a gun for the first time tonight. Actually, three guns. We had a safety night for Relief Society and someone was teaching self defense and he brought a bunch of unloaded guns to show us. I did not care for them, as you would expect. But I also didn't burst into tears like I always thought I would. Look, I'm still not going to own one, if that's what you're wondering. Although all the classes terrified me enough tonight to check and recheck that all the doors were locked. My apartment felt very safe because we were on the second floor with only two doors that were always locked. This house is nothing but doors and windows and it feels like it has a neon sign on it that says, "Come assault me and take all my valuables." All night I kept trying to remember where I packed my nun chucks.

3. Did you hear that the winning Powerball ticket was sold in Chino Hills?! As in right next door?! Dear Rich Neighbor and New Best Friend, I make excellent cookies and all I really want is for you to buy me a ticket into outer space and also a Slurpee machine. XOXO, Rachel

4. This is the best thing I've seen all week. I am convinced I would be instant friends with this guy.

The Naming of the Jumpsuits

I caught the beginning of the Elvis docudrama called This is Elvis and in it they showed his crew getting the hotel suite ready for his arrival. Setting out snacks and flower arrangements,putting up foil on his windows, neatly arranging his sunglasses on the vanity, that sort of stuff. And then there was a shot of guys pulling in all of his bedazzled jumpsuits, including a rack just for his enormous belts. Oh man. You just can't beat Old Fat Sweaty Elvis.

This naturally took me on an internet search for an archive of all of Elvis' jumpsuits, which I found because we live in wondrous times. Here, have a look. But if you don't have the time, here are a few of my favorites, with their names (of COURSE they have names).


The Blue Swirl

The Chinese Dragon

The Mexican Sundial

The Pharaoh (with cape!)

The Blue Aztec

And the greatest of them all, The American Eagle

Why don't you start your weekend right and watch it in action:

Loaded for Bear

The move to Chino, Christmas, and sending my parents off on their mission have all come and gone with nary a hiccup. And I'm unpacked and reveling in all this space and also the Hallmark Channel. You guys, how have I lived without the Hallmark Channel lo these many years? I have really missed those dumb, predictable, cheesy movies. Anyway, here's a smattering of things for your enjoyment:

1. First thing first:  How cute are my parent on their first day at the MTC:

I mean, come on! We got an update tonight and they are both so pumped about being there. 

2. Now let's talk about gardening and how I don't know what I'm doing. But despite that, I still have to keep my parent's plants alive for the next two years. On Saturday I pulled some weeds that I swear were anchored to the core of the earth. I got out the hoe and started hacking away, and that felt great. My parents used weeding as punishment while we were growing up so I've always kind of looked at it that way. But swinging that hoe around was therapeutic. I planted some strawberries, because why not, and some peas because picking a pod off the vine and popping it open and eating the peas inside while the sun shines on my face is one of my favorite things. Sweat peas and the ranunculus bulbs will have to wait until Saturday, after the first wave of the predicted El Nino storms pass. And I'm going to try to cut back my mom's roses. I've watched like 20 how-to videos so let's hope they make it. My mom loves those roses. 

3. Our new ward has welcomed us with happy, open arms. This helps that it is the ward of our childhood and a lot of the people know us and love us already. There's been a lot of call-me-if-you-need-ANYTHING and that's a comfort. Particularly from the former police officer who made me put his number in my phone and said that I could call day or night for anything but to be prepared because he would be "loaded for bear." The pacifist in me was like, "Oh, geez. Bloodshed." But the realist in me was like, "Yes. Thank you. Please bring all the guns." On a less extreme note, we were already invited over for dinner and cards with friends last week and that was fun. 

4. A memory came to me while we were having dinner with those friends. I think one of the last times I had been in that house was in 1988 when I was babysitting their wee small boys who are now fully grown humans with children of their own (I'm 80). I had just put the boys down and then I turned on the TV to catch the end of game 1 of the World Series. Yep. That's the place where I watched Kirk Gibson hit the game winning home run. I jumped up and down in front of their TV and silently cheered because I didn't want to wake up the boys. That's a great memory.

5. Hey, 2016! Let's have loads of fun this year, okay?

Everything must go!

Well it's here. Moving Day is tomorrow. Hip hip hooray! I should be going to sleep but just about 5 minutes ago I started to feel a little sentimental about the old Las Brisas and this little bedroom of mine. I am a solitary creature and my bedroom is my sanctuary. I just need a lot of quiet alone time in order to be a happy, socially functioning, non-crazy person. So I love this room and it's my last night sleeping here and can you believe that I've lived here for 12 years. That is an insanely long time to live in a place that has a kitchen that only fits one person.

Speaking of the kitchen, it was when we were going through all of the kitchen stuff that I hit that point that everyone hits while packing when I simply did not care if the entire thing went up in flames and therefore everything must go. I was done being thorough and dumped just about everything. I kept all of my little dainty party cups and plates and my rice cooker and my Coco-motion (because duh, it is essential to Art Society) and the rest went to the Goodwill. About 10 boxes of stuff. All of which I hauled in myself because the one guy who was working there tonight was too busy talking to someone else about TV sizes.

I'm almost ashamed to admit how much stuff I have given/thrown away. It is an outrageous amount. Oh, the number of trips I have taken to the Dumpster. Every time I'd walk a load out I'd chastise myself for being such a wasteful person. But we're moving into a fully furnished home. And we only have a 5x10 storage unit and I have to put all of my books somewhere, don't I. DON'T I?!

I was telling Katie tonight, as we used the tops of boxes as tables to eat our dinner off of while watching an episode of Parks and Rec on our TV that was also on top of boxes, that it kind of feels like Christmas tomorrow because I'm so excited to be done with the move. We've been moving basically for a month now, taking box after box down to Chino and packing every night. (Also, teaching seminary. Guys, here's a pro tip. Don't work full time and teach seminary and move during the holidays. It is a Christmas Miracle that I have only had 2 very minor breakdowns.) Tomorrow will be a celebration of sorts. And bonus, there will be guys here to do the heavy lifting. So adios Upland! You've been very good to me. And hello, again, Chino. The other day I was dropping some stuff off at the house and noticed that the air down there had the slightest whiff of dairy. Just like old times.