Monday, November 12, 2012

The Little Bag of Horror

Today I cooked 2 turkeys and 20 pounds of mashed potatoes for our institute Thanksgiving feast this week.  It's been kind of fun.  Sometimes you just need to peel two bags of potatoes.

Here's my question:  do any of you use the neck and the guts of the turkey?  Because holy dry heave!  Why do the Turkey People insist on putting those in?  Hasn't the magic of science brought us to a time when we can have the option of neck or no-neck?  Can't the neck people just ask the butcher for one instead of all of us having to deal with them? In general I have a difficult time handling raw meat, which is why I subsist on cold cereal and toast and the occasional apple.  But this was too much.

I went to three different locations looking for just turkey breasts because I desperately did not want to have to remove the neck and the innards in that little bag.  But I couldn't find them anywhere.  Nor could I find a whole bird without them. So I decided to be a grownup about it and get the whole birds, with all the fixings.  My prayers were partially answered because there was no little bag in any of the birds but I still had to pull out the necks.  Oh vomit. 

Dear Institute Students:  This is how much I love you.

ADDENDUM!!:  I just finished carving the turkeys and lo, there were the bags of squishy bits.  They appeared to have been tucked somewhere in the upper most part of the bird.  Fortunately they were in a paper bag and not a plastic one, because could you imagine all that basting and neck pulling out for naught! It's a Thanksgiving miracle!

And also, per Katie's comment:  Some years ago my family determined that the sickest phrase in the English language was "moist giblet loaf." Enjoy your dinner, everyone!

9 comments:

Valerie said...

Gag.

Yeah, who among us is making gibbet stuffing, or whatever you're supposed to do with it? Ugh, get with the program, Butterball.

Angela Noelle said...

Bahahahaha.

You can scarcely find a turkey here, ready to eat or otherwise. :P

Katie said...

I'm a little disappointed you did not use the phrase "moist gibblet loaf" in your post today.

Stephanie said...

If you just think of the neck as an extension of the bird, it's not so yucky. Because of it's many bones, it makes for a great stock for gravy. That being said, I have no need for the giblets. If you think about it as a way that the turkey farmers can get one more pound of payment, I suppose I can support it. Turkey farming might be one of those thankless jobs where they need a little giblet humor.

Rach said...

I think the giblets are disgusting, too. Same goes for the neck. Gross. When I saw your post's title, I thought it would be about a zombie/vampire book (which I'm reading, by the way). I'm glad it was about turkey guts instead. I'm going to try to use the term "moist giblet loaf" in conversation tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Laura said...

This will totally gross you out - but my dad insists on me cooking up the heart - and then he eats it! It's like his little Thanksgiving appetizer! I do use the neck when I make stock from the rest of the bones and stuff.

Andrea said...

This is why I always buy the oven ready frozen turkeys. Straight from the freezer to the oven, no prepping, and they taste great. Of course what would you expect from someone who eats tv dinners most nights of the week?

Erin said...

Living in the south (southeast Texas is considered south, right?), people use those little baggies of innards. As in USE them. I actually have a home health client whose mother ORDERS EXTRA bags of guts for their Thanksgiving meals. Yeah. And guess what? Her food might be the best food I've tasted in my entire life. I just shut my eyes and pretend I'm not eating guts.

Empress of Venus said...

I suppose the irony is that eating the muscles and flesh of the beast may not be less "earthy" of us. But I don't even like knowing I have my OWN bag of guts flopping about inside me.