Friday, October 9, 2015

Fantasy Gifts

When you were a kid didn't you love looking through catalogs? Like from JC Penny's? I loved it. In particular I loved the bedding section. Everything looked so luxurious. They always had really shiny sheets and lots of pillows. Now a days I just want really cozy sheets and I think throw pillows are ridiculous, but back when I was 8 I could spend hours dreaming of a very fancy bedroom. I was thinking about those catalogs a few months ago and wishing that I got them.

Well, Katie tipped me off to the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book, which is just like the JC Penny's catalog, if that catalog was nothing but cashmere ponchos, fur coats for kids, and backgammon sets made out of exotic woods. It's basically where every Woman of Elegant Leisure does all of her Christmas shopping for her Woman of Elegant Leisure friends. I did not see any turbans in there, which is a bit of a let down.

But the real treat of the book is the Fantasy Gift section. Oh, the fantasy gift. There are all sorts of things your boring old rich uncle would love. Like a trio of Texas guitars or a barrel full of Bourbon. And then there's the crass, like the luxury trip to India where you'll be shuttled around in private planes and vintage cars. Just like the colonialists! Watch out for all those little street urchins playing cricket in the street. You wouldn't want them denting the chrome.

But then there's the surreal, like a two day motorcycle ride through the Angeles National Forest with Keanu Reeves and his pal. Could you imagine?! I mean, that is a very specific gift, right? Your boring old rich uncle would have to both a motorcycle enthusiast and a fan of the Lake House. Or how about a trunk full of accessories from Iris Apfel. Because if you can't find a turban, than a statement necklaces is the next best thing. What about the couture diary where an artist will draw you in 20 of your favorite wardrobe pieces. It is bound in Scandinavian calfskin and, according to the J. Peterman write-up, will be "cherished for generations." I don't know about you, but I don't think I want 20 hand painted renderings of me in various stretchy pants.

But there are two I'd go for. The craftsman tour of Venice and Florence, where you visit shops and make paper and blow glass and eat gelato and pasta for 7 days. Are you kidding me? Alert the Wealthy Benefactor! Because I'm also going to need him to spring for the Exploration of the Edge of Space. The WB and I, and 4 of our closest friends get to go up in a luxury space capsule via a jumbo weather balloon to the upper atmosphere and float around for a few hours. Is this even a joke?! Can I really do this?! For only $90,000. Let's all start saving now! That's only $15,000 we each have to come up with the if WB bails. In all seriousness, if given the opportunity would you go up in a metal box attached to a balloon? What if I told you that there would be snacks?

Me? In a heartbeat.

4 comments:

Camille said...

Before I even read your comment about stretchy pants I thought to myself, "But I only own 5 pair of stretchy pants."

Rach said...

There are only so many ways you can illustrate my many chins. And my many Walmart shirts. I buy the same shirt in 4 colors. I guess that would make it easy on the artist. He'd just need the standard Walmart colors in his palette. Space is fine and all, but if you do the Venice tour I will disown you forever if I am not invited along. That sounds exceptional. Also, I must have this catalog.

Valerie said...

A personal fashion history? Yeah, that's what I need.

Stacy said...

The answer is no. No. There is no way I'd go up off the ground in a metal box. I won't even go up to the top of Angel Stadium with you. Unless I was drugged like Mr. T in the A-team. Then I guess I wouldn't have much choice. But if that happens can the snacks be a gluten/dairy free version of Magnum bars, because that's the only thing that would soothe me once I realized I'd been bamboozled into a floating metal box.