This morning, while waiting for a bagel, a Business Casual Bro got in line behind me. You all are familiar with the BCB, I assume. Dresses well but talks like he just left the frat house, is constantly on the phone to one of his BCB friends talking loudly about deals they've made and plans for the weekend*, says dude a lot but in kind of a creepy way, yells, "get in the hole!" when watching golf, will probably vote for Trump. And in this case, stands too close to you in line. One of the best things about America is that we value our personal space. Not having to touch the sweaty masses is our birthright. The general spacing rule for strangers in public, unless you're administering CPR or putting an assailant in a full-nelson, is that someone should be able to comfortably walk between you. A large person. Two is better. The BCB was no more than a lithe Russian ballerina's width away - front to back, not side to side. I had to do the old half-turn trick to let him know to back it up a bit but he didn't move. Even with my shoulder in his chest he was too busy talking on the phone to his BCB pal about the sweet San Antonio deal they were working on to notice. I tried to move forward but then I would be encroaching on the lady in front of me. It was quite a pickle. And then he kept grossly whispering, "Get it, dog," to his buddy. No doubt San Antonio would be very lucrative for the both of them.
In other line news I was in one at the grocery store last week and a checker from the 15 items or less lane came over and said she could check me out. But I had way more than 15 items in my cart and said so. I am, in my heart of hearts, a rule follower. Even if I have 16 items in my basket I will not do it. And if I see someone in line who has more than 15 items my fiery rage cannot be contained. She said it wasn't a big deal. But let me tell you, it FELT like a big deal. I wanted to tell the people who got in line behind me that I was INVITED. I didn't just slip in like some no-account hooligan who thinks that all these cans of chickpeas count as one item because they're the same. They're not the same!!
*They all will be where I will be, which is Indian Wells, CA for my annual Tennis in the Blazing Desert Sun Weekend with Camille. They will all be wearing salmon colored shorts and Roger Federer hats. That place is teeming with BCBs.