Here's just a sample:
What if these sniffles and general achy-ness are actually swine flu?
What if I die of swine flu before Thanksgiving and miss the Blessed Nephews and pie?
What if this stye on my eye is a symptom of the swine flu?
What if it's not but never goes away and I'm stuck with a droopy eye for the REST OF MY LIFE?!
So for the rest of my life I'm known as the Girl with The Droopy Eye? It's a STYE, people! A stye!
What if there's an earthquake and my apartment building collapses?
What if it doesn't collapse but is structurally unsound and I have to move? What will happen to the World's Largest Felt Collection?
What if when the earthquake happens I can't find a bra? Or don't have time to grab it? I should put a bra in my emergency pack in my car.
Or what if the building collapses on top of my car and I can neither get to the bra in my room nor the bra in my car?
What if a plane landing at Cable Airport loses control and crashes into my bedroom? Is that plane outside sputtering? It is getting closer? Where's my bra?
10 comments:
Wow. This is a timely post. Yesterday when I was in LA, I had to get an MRI. While I was in the MRI tube, I feared an earthquake. I had taken off my bra before hand and stuffed it in my glove compartment-no lie. So, as I was laying in the tube, fearing the earthquake, I was thinking about my bra in the glove compartment of my car. In fact, I forgot it to remove it and it's still in there.
And when I sleep at night-I still think about "the big one" and wonder if I'll be able to find "sensible shoes" for post-earthquake walking (glass, etc). I also worry about what I'll wear; therefore, I keep clothes on top of my dresser next to my bed in just such an event.
Yeesh, I'm so glad you wrote this. Most people wouldn't understand this and in the light of day, it looks and sounds ridiculous...but come night time and you're lying in bed, all rational thought takes a brief vacation and one is left with one's irrational concerns.
Thanks Rachel. :)
(as an aside, faith and fear do not co-exist...this is my mantra at the worst of times and it works nicely)
I would like to think that in an emergency situation, people will not be focusing on my breasts.
I've been wrong before, though.
But Stephanie, it's SoCal...so even while buildings are falling down among them and windows are exploding outwards, there will still be skinny blonds dodging shards of glass screaming, "Oh my gosh, did you see that woman's blouse, you can totally see her breasts! Ow! That was a near hit! Where's her bra? Does she NOT own a mirror? Here, duck down here! How's my hair?"
Oh, Rachel, thank you for the laugh. I needed it desperately. I know a solution to the earthquake worries. Move into my basement. I have a walk-in closet in the spare room that would house The World's Largest Felt Collection quite nicely. Plus, I walk around without my bra all the time, so if yours happens to be under a pile of rubble, I wont care. As for the rest of the worries, maybe you should wake up to MMBop every morning. Then it will be stuck in your head and the worries won't dare enter.
By the way, here's what I worry about every morning: What if none of my pants fit today. What if the fact that Tyler slept in really meant he got carried away by a creep during the night. Why is he so quiet. Why is he crying so hard now? Is his head stuck in the bars? And so on. Which is why I recommend listening to a somewhat peppy, annoying song. It helps.
OMGosh--the bra worry is totally one I have too! ...What would I do if I couldn't put one on in the event of an emergency?!? I'd create another emergency without it, and then where would we be? Glad to know I'm not the only one worrying about this.
You are hilarious!
PS - John wanted me to make sure you were applying hot compresses to your stye.
I totally know what it's like to worry so much. The earthquake thing has always worried me, it's not as bad though now that I'm living in AZ, but I worry about my mom and dad. But I'll have to be honest, I've never really worried about having a bra handy. Sadly because my sorry little chest has never been able to fill one out. Now that's something to worry about!
I'm with Andrea. I went to church one week without a bra and it took me two hours to realize. Luckily and unfortunately, no one noticed! I guess if I really wanted to go all Mother Earth I could pull off the no bra thing. Sad, but true.
I'm seriously considering a plastic surgeon...God's "littlest angels" have so much less to worry about...
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