We all know what you're thinking, Mr. Whiskers

I desperately want this to be a real thing. But it is unnecessary.

Because we all know what your cat is thinking. And it is this:

"I hate you. You're dumb and ugly and you annoy me. If you weren't the one providing my food I would sit on your face until you stopped breathing. And then I would eat your face. I know you tell your friends that I'm the best cat and I don't walk on the counters but I totally walk on the counters. You think squirting me with a water bottle is going to stop me? Think again, bozo. You know I have poop on my paws, right? I go and stomp around in my own poop and then I walk all over you and your pillow. Or I lick my paws and then I lick some of the fruit in your fruit bowl. Not all of the fruit, because I'm playing with your mind. You'll never know which of your apples has my poopy saliva all over it. And I absolutely put that fur on your toothbrush on purpose. I've been planning your demise for years. Go jump off a cliff."