I'm a winner! Literally!

Around 7 pm I reached 50,000 words, thus making me a NaNoWriMo winner.  WOOT.

In celebration I did a very spontaneous but elaborate dance that involved lots of shimmying and jazz hands and fist pumps.

But here's the thing - 50,000 words is really just a long pamphlet.  It's about half the length of a regular size novel.  And my story isn't near finished.  But it's definitely on the way.  Also, boy is it garbage right now.  There are moments of greatness but for the most part it is a jumbled mess.  Which is to be expected.  I wrote fast and did zero editing.  I have not gone back to read any of it.  I am hoping when I do I won't be completely disappointed with it.  I don't think I will be.  There's a good base there.  We'll see how it plays out.

Things I've learned while spending November lashed to my laptop trying to convince myself to write:

1.)  The internet is my enemy
2.)  The more I complained about how hard writing was the less writing I did.  Once I changed my attitude and started saying, "This is a piece of cake.  Just a really time consuming piece of cake." my progress tripled. 
3.)  Cake is an excellent writing snack.
4.)  Do not start reading a hard-to-put-down novel with just three days left.
5.)  Writing without editing is incredibly freeing.  But it makes for really crappy writing.  I need to find a good balance.
6.)  Writing with a goal is the best.  Even when it was a daily goal.  There would be days when I would say, "Okay, I'm not going to stop until I hit 3000 words for today" and then I would get there and realize that I was only 1000 words away from hitting a milestone on my total word count and then I'd get there and realize that I was just 1000 words away from hitting a personal daily best.  I suppose this is what athletes do when they're pushing themselves.  Just for the record, I'm sticking with writing.
7.) I always do better when there is a prize at the end - even if that prize is allowing myself an episode of Psyche on Netflix.
8.) It turns out all those wealthy, famous, published authors are right:  sometimes all it takes is to just sit down and write. 
8.)  50,000 was not that hard.  Or rather, not as hard as I thought it would be. Relief!

Thanks to everyone who asked how the novel was coming along.  Feel free to keep it up because there's still plenty of opportunities left for me to think I'm a talentless hack before it is completed.  I need the accountability and encouragement.

And if you'd like - you may stop by and see my NaNoWriMo winner's certificate.  I think I will get one of those double frames so it can be side by side with my nun chuck certificate.

Lydia the Tattoed Lady

1.)  There are four more days left in NaNoWriMo and unless a freak finger accident is in my future it looks like I will finish.  That's right, I WILL FINISH!  I'm only 5000 words behind on my count, which, I have learned, is nothing.  I eat 5000 words for breakfast.

2.)  My toenails are a shiny gold right now and they make me feel very festive and also like a superhero.  It is my new favorite color.

3.) I saw The Muppets today and it was grand.  I mean, really.  And it got me thinking about one of my favorite clips from the old Muppet Show.  Enjoy

My mantra for this month is: If Tyra can do it, so can I!

I'm doing NaNoWriMo this month.  That's right, folks, it's time I got around to writing a novel.  By the end of November I should have at least 50,000 words and an ulcer because the truth is, I've never written that much in my life.  Well, that much of one thing.  I do better writing short things like blog posts and thank you notes.  Every time I have attempted a novel I've gotten about 30 pages in and decided that 1.)  I'm a talentless hack, 2.)  I have no imagination, and 3.)  I'm going to give it all up and learn how to do something that will actually make me money like cosmetology.

But can you think of a better time to do it than right now?  I'm a woman of elegant leisure.  I have all the time in the world.  So what if I don't have an imagination.  Or a plot.  Or realistic and interesting characters.  They say that all you really need is a deadline and November 30th is pretty firm.

But take a look at my list of activities this morning and see how this could play out:

Turned on my computer, all set to write
Checked my email
Checked Google Reader
Read a few articles in the LA Times
Read up on Kim Kardashian getting a divorce (I'm pretty ashamed about that one)
Fixed myself some breakfast
Talked myself out of playing a round of online Scrabble
Wrote this blog post instead

David Franzen (who writes big books) said he removed all games from and physically disabled the Net portal on the computer he writes on.  I totally get why.  Distractions are the death knell of my creativity.

But I'm determined.  So feel free to ask me how the writing is coming along.  Check in to make sure I'm keeping up with my daily word count goal (2000/day).  Ask me if I have finally come up with a plot line that involves the characters doing more than just sitting and watching TV for 100 pages.

Tyra did it (sort of)(I mean, she wrote a lot of words).  Surely I can too.

The real question is how do they do it all without opposable thumbs?

To practice my writing skills I sit down most nights, pick out a writing prompt from a collection I have and type up a paragraph or two with the hopes that something will spark.  This forces me to write fiction because like all people who fiddle around with writing I have dreams of one day traveling to a remote cabin in the wilderness with no tv, internet or Tyra Banks, strapping myself to a chair and willing myself to write a novel.  Why a novel, you ask?  Because I am currently annoyed with this whole memoirs trend that is happening right now.  Holy Cats, there are a lot of memoirs in the bookstores.  Every newspaper book section I read has twice as many memoirs as novels and most of those are written by kids in their 20s.  I don't know that I want to read the life story of someone who can barely remember a time before Facebook.

Looking over these bits that I have written I've noticed a familiar devise - I write about animals acting human.  Not animals who can talk but still act like animals*, but animals who have BBQs and pay taxes.  Like the movie Fantastic Mr. Fox.  Gosh, that was a cool movie.  So as I was noting that I keep going back to this it dawned on me that I've been doing it for decades - going all the way back to my earliest stories in elementary school.  In high school instead of passing notes I would write up one page stories involving water buffalo at a costume ball or jack rabbits learning how to knit and pass those to friends.  Thus confirming your belief that I was a weird child.  This could mean a couple of different things.  1.)  I haven't progressed at all as a writer since age eight or 2.) the idea of animals doing something human has always struck me as really funny. 

To be brave (These writing exercises have reminded me that I'm much more comfortable reading fiction than writing it) I thought I'd share an example:

Bart did not like his pants.  They fit oddly.  They were too long in the leg and too short in the waist and the hole for his tail pinched.  He had purchased them in a hurry without giving too much consideration for comfort because he was under a time crunch. At 11 the next morning he was to stand as best man in the wedding of his oldest friend Mark to Maureen, an accountant who collected angel figurines.  Pants were not optional.  Bart would look at pictures of his grandparents and long for the days when suits were not worn by wolves.  They could roam the land free from the restraint of tailor-made attire, letting their feet and fur breathe.  It wasn’t until, as myth told it, a certain wolf decided to dress in sheep’s clothing to get near his prey that clothes became all the rage.  First it was sheep skin, next it was sports coats.  Hats.  Shoes, sometimes with spats.  Gloves when it was cold.  Ties and pocket squares.  Dresses for the ladies with sashes and trim.  All of these layers of gabardine and tweed seemed, at best superfluous and at worst, an affront to the essence of wolfness.  

*This is another trend I simply cannot handle - non-animated movies with humans and talking animals.  They make me want to throw sharp objects.