Monday, December 5, 2011

Approximately ten spools

It should be noted that when I got in line at Joann's with my two wee bits of embroidery floss totaling $.85 all the items in the basket of the woman in front of me had already been scanned and the checker was telling her, "That will be $62.71."

What followed was 10 minutes (TEN MINUTES!!!!!!!!) of the woman:

Explaining why her teacher discount card had expired

Explaining why she had an old teacher's union card

Digging around in her purse for her new teacher's union card

Asking the checker how she would go about getting an updated teacher discount card

Being informed that it was easy enough, she just had to go online to do it

Asking the checker if she couldn't just come into the store because sometimes she doesn't trust the internet to do things because once she had signed up for something online and it didn't work can you believe that.

Telling everyone around (including me as I smiled patiently) that she taught high school orchestra

"Yes, really!  High school orchestra!"

Telling everyone around (including me, this time shooting laser beams out of my eyes) that she was planning on buying scarves for the orchestra to wear for their Christmas concert because she really didn't want to make them but here she was making them - sigh.

Laughing at herself for being so darn accommodating

Being told repeatedly that the total was $62.71.

Digging around her purse for her checkbook

Methodically licking her finger and flipping each previous duplicate in her checkbook until she came to the next check

Carefully writing out the check while saying out loud exactly what she was doing

Balancing her checkbook

Being handed her bags and her receipt and a "have a nice night" but refusing to move

Asking the checker if they have any Cricut books

Announcing to everyone (including me, now silently weeping into my embroidery floss) that she was planning on buying a Cricut in a few months and wanted to be prepared so she needed to know exactly where to find the Cricut books when that day came

Reluctantly walking away from the counter, only to leave her shopping cart in the aisle, thus blocking me and the five people who had lined up behind me from getting to the cash register

Moving the shopping cart after the checker beat me at shaming her into moving it but acting like she was just asked to move a giant bag of poo.

Blissfully going about the rest of her life never realizing that we were all imagining how many spools of grosgrain ribbon it would take to tie her up and dump her in the back corner with the discounted fabrics.


Bronwyn James said...


Stephanie said...

This is why I think you are an amazing writer. Mundane experiences like this should only happen to people who can write (and extrapolate) so beautifully.

Loving and Laughing -

Rach said...

I think that same lady was shopping at Walmart on Saturday, and was doing the price-matching on every one of her 200 items. The checker wasn't helping. They were chatting about old times when ice cream cost a dime and people had manners.

Andrea said...

I love the way you describe things.

Next time try Hobby Lobby. If the same thing happens in line there, at least they have Scripture Mints at the checkout that you can read to pass the time, and then you'd get your scripture reading in for the day.

Cynde said...

I think this woman lives in Arizona too and has relatives! I have had similar experiences over the last month. Perhaps the cashier is the new bartender? People tell them all of their problems and woes.

liz said...

When you finish with your novel, I think you should write a self-help/what not to do book. I think it would be hilarious.

Anonymous said...

I would have thrown my stuff on the floor with a very loud noise of disgust and stomped out of the store, no later than minute 3. I had a very similar experience recently myself, only it was at the Dollar Store, the woman paid for/returned/paid for/returned/paid for/returned/paid for the same object that many times, and instead of a checkbook it was all nickles. And then she waited for me to check out so she could strike up a conversation about my shoes. She's dead now.