On Thanksgiving I watched the parade, made rolls twice (the first time was a bust, round two was a success), ate a lot, hung out with the fam, and ended the day in bed with a horrible cough and a rash across my stomach. Then I slept all day Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday. Every other time this would do the trick. But last night I still had the death rattle and the rash was not getting any better and I was exhausted. I mean, seriously so tired. Taking a shower yesterday wiped me out so much that I slept for 4 hours and then, upon waking up, found that I couldn't move my arms because I was still so tired.
Which was how I ended up at the doctors this morning. "Sure, Rachel. Of course you were at the doctors. This is what normal people do." Except that I haven't been to a doctor in about 6 years. Mostly because I didn't have insurance for a lot of those years but also because I never think I'm sick enough to see a doctor.
I'm going to suggest to my doctor that he starts creating categories for patients based on their level of tolerance. Because you know there are people out there who go in for a runny nose. They get one little paper cut and they're off to the doctor. And then there are people like me who only go in if limbs are starting to fall off. I want to have a sticker on my chart that says, "She's not kidding. She's really suffering. Desperation drove her here. Please just give her drugs and let her go home."
Because when the doctor said to me, "I'm not going to give you anything for the bronchitis but if you get to the point of extreme exhaustion and you have to drag yourself out of bed to do anything then give me a call," I wanted to yell, "I'M THERE! I'VE BEEN THERE FOR DAYS NOW! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M HERE!!! AND LOOKING LIKE A HOBO!!! I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY TO PUT ON MASCARA!!! I HAD EXACTLY ENOUGH ENERGY TO PUT ON A BRA AND BRUSH MY TEETH AND DRIVE MYSELF HERE!!!!!" Except that I was too exhausted to scream and simply said, "Give me the drugs." Which he did. A lot of them (I had to make a spreadsheet of when to take each one.) Because on top of acute bronchitis I also have shingles. And they're fighting against each other for my attention which is why I'm getting worse and why I'm so tired.
So I got a lot of drugs, and while I was at it I also got a flu shot and a DTAP vaccination, because why not. And then he noticed that I was due for a pap smear and suggested I could have that done today and then I punched him in the face. No. Not really. Remember I can barely lift my arms. Which was just his dumb luck.
If you need me, I'll be in my bed.
PS. This is my second time around with shingles. I'm not looking forward to the next few weeks.
PS2. One of my antibiotics doesn't work if I have any dairy, which is seriously cutting into my Season of Eggnog.