A Royal Decree:
I am officially banning the phrases "At the end of the day..." and "It is what it is." Anyone heard using either of these phrases will have dirty socks stuffed in their mouth.
Love, Your Queen
Showing posts with label royal decree. Show all posts
Showing posts with label royal decree. Show all posts
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The Queen has spoken...for the last time today.
A Royal Decree
(Note: Most people don't know this but I'm the Queen of the Universe. I am gentle and good but sometimes I have to send out these royal decrees, because the Good People of the Universe, for whatever reason, are just not listening to my very rational and reasonable requests.)
By order of the Crown, no subject is allowed to talk to her Majesty the Queen for the next 4 hours. She is through talking to people. She means it. Done! She has conducted eight long interviews this morning and has answered 20 phone calls from former felons wishing to be dental assistants and she just can not say another word. It would kill her and then who would be your Queen? If one more person attempts to engage the Queen in conversation she will personally dig a dungeon and throw said person in it. Now, the Queen is going to take her lunch break - which she is two hours late for - and enjoy a pudding snack and possibly a nap.
(Note: Most people don't know this but I'm the Queen of the Universe. I am gentle and good but sometimes I have to send out these royal decrees, because the Good People of the Universe, for whatever reason, are just not listening to my very rational and reasonable requests.)
By order of the Crown, no subject is allowed to talk to her Majesty the Queen for the next 4 hours. She is through talking to people. She means it. Done! She has conducted eight long interviews this morning and has answered 20 phone calls from former felons wishing to be dental assistants and she just can not say another word. It would kill her and then who would be your Queen? If one more person attempts to engage the Queen in conversation she will personally dig a dungeon and throw said person in it. Now, the Queen is going to take her lunch break - which she is two hours late for - and enjoy a pudding snack and possibly a nap.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Another Royal Decree
A patient brought in homemade biscotti for us as a little holiday thank-you for curing her yeast infection. What? You've never had your chiropractor treat your yeast infection? You are so 20th century western medicine.
I'm not a big fan of biscotti*, mostly because I've never had success eating them. They're usually shaped like a bread stick but taste kind of like a cookie, but never as good, and that confuses my senses. And they're crumbly so when you bite into them they kind of fall apart just as you're putting it in your mouth and then you have crumbs all over you. They're a mystery.
But CeCe's energy push yesterday did not help today because we were dead and I was falling asleep, so I thought that I would have a biscotti with the hopes that the sugar would do me some good. Little did I know what danger lurked in those Italian quasi-cookies.
Anise! Loads and loads of anise!
I hate anise. I hate black licorice. Even the smell makes me gag a little. It baffles me how people can like it. Seriously, tell me why you like it? I truly want to know. Because I've never tasted a dirty sock dipped in Clorox but I imagine that black licorice isn't far from it.
And there I was with a crumbly mouth full of it. Another problem with biscotti is that it's dry and it doesn't exactly leave the mouth easily. I had to chew and chew and chew and then I flushed it down with about a gallon of water and the nasty taste is still in my mouth. Bleh!
And so, I think it needs to be done:
A Royal Decree!
We hearby decree that black licorice, or black licorice flavoring, such as anise or Clorox, shall never be used in foods. Being a Benevolent Queen, we shall allow black licorice to remain for those subjects, such as the Queen Mum, who enjoy it. But all black jelly beans shall be removed from any assort bag, as the Queen does not care to be casually snacking on jelly beans and unknowingly pop a black one in our mouth and have it stuck in our teeth for several unpleasant minutes, thus causing death by grossness. And while we're at it, the Queen would like to ban biscotti too, because it confuses her.
Hugs and Kisses,
Your Queen o' the Universe
*Remind me someday to tell you exactly how I feel about people who pronounce words the way they are pronounced in the country the word originated in.
I'm not a big fan of biscotti*, mostly because I've never had success eating them. They're usually shaped like a bread stick but taste kind of like a cookie, but never as good, and that confuses my senses. And they're crumbly so when you bite into them they kind of fall apart just as you're putting it in your mouth and then you have crumbs all over you. They're a mystery.
But CeCe's energy push yesterday did not help today because we were dead and I was falling asleep, so I thought that I would have a biscotti with the hopes that the sugar would do me some good. Little did I know what danger lurked in those Italian quasi-cookies.
Anise! Loads and loads of anise!
I hate anise. I hate black licorice. Even the smell makes me gag a little. It baffles me how people can like it. Seriously, tell me why you like it? I truly want to know. Because I've never tasted a dirty sock dipped in Clorox but I imagine that black licorice isn't far from it.
And there I was with a crumbly mouth full of it. Another problem with biscotti is that it's dry and it doesn't exactly leave the mouth easily. I had to chew and chew and chew and then I flushed it down with about a gallon of water and the nasty taste is still in my mouth. Bleh!
And so, I think it needs to be done:
A Royal Decree!
We hearby decree that black licorice, or black licorice flavoring, such as anise or Clorox, shall never be used in foods. Being a Benevolent Queen, we shall allow black licorice to remain for those subjects, such as the Queen Mum, who enjoy it. But all black jelly beans shall be removed from any assort bag, as the Queen does not care to be casually snacking on jelly beans and unknowingly pop a black one in our mouth and have it stuck in our teeth for several unpleasant minutes, thus causing death by grossness. And while we're at it, the Queen would like to ban biscotti too, because it confuses her.
Hugs and Kisses,
Your Queen o' the Universe
*Remind me someday to tell you exactly how I feel about people who pronounce words the way they are pronounced in the country the word originated in.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
A Proclamation to the World!
Henceforth, no person shall be allowed to talk on a cell phone while doing bathroomly things. Any person found in violation shall have to 1.) Flush said cell phone down the toilet, 2.) Clean said toilet, and 3.) Apologize for being so disgusting. All cell phone priveledges shall be stripped and a sign shall be placed around the offender's neck that says, "I talk on the phone while I pee. I'm gross!"
Signed,
Rachel, Queen o' the Universe*
*I have not used the Queen o' the Universe title in some time but I feel like it's necessary if I'm making a proclamation. You don't have to kiss my ring or anything. Although a cookie would be nice.
Signed,
Rachel, Queen o' the Universe*
*I have not used the Queen o' the Universe title in some time but I feel like it's necessary if I'm making a proclamation. You don't have to kiss my ring or anything. Although a cookie would be nice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)