Dear Nice Employees of My Gym,
You're all friendly and cute gals who are just trying to do your jobs. I get it. But when I say that I don't have a job and am not receiving a pay check and therefore all of my money is going towards things like rent and food and gas and that I couldn't possibly afford to have a personal trainer or renew my membership at the present time, what I actually mean is that I don't have a job and am not receiving a pay check and therefore all of my money is going towards things like rent and food and gas and that I couldn't possibly afford to have a personal trainer or renew my membership at the present time. I don't think I could be any clearer. And so I would really love it if you would stop asking me if I want a personal trainer or to renew my membership. Because I can't. Really. Knocking $50 off the renewal price is not going to help. I'm serious. No, really, I mean it. Yes, I understand that the "special deal" is for today only. But as I explained to the last 4 women who have called and every person who has asked at the front desk and that trainer who comes up to me at least once a week when I'm on the elliptical, even while wearing head phones and focusing intently on Regis and Kelly, to ask if I'm ready to sign up for a training session, it would be financially impossible for me to do it right now. If, say, you made the renewal free, then I could do it. But anything above free is not going to work for me.
And maybe you could come up with some sort of system so that I don't have to explain every time I go in. Maybe stickers or something. Or sweatbands. That's it, color coded sweatbands. Green for, "Interested. Ask again later." And red for "Back-off!" Mine would be red, if you hadn't guessed already. I like you. I like working out. I like that my renewal isn't until October and that I don't have to worry about renewing just yet. But I also like having breakfast and electricity. You understand, right?