Things you should know about me before we go any further:
1.) I'm borderline anemic (meaning that I've been refused more than I've been accepted when trying to donate blood. It does nothing for my self esteem).
2.) I'm all out of iron pills
3.) I'm all out of Cream o' Wheat, which is my go-to source of iron when I'm out of pills.
4.) When I don't get enough iron I am prone to dizzy spells
5.) I am frequently dizzy
6.) I worked out harder than usual on the elliptical machine this morning.
7.) The track at the gym was flooded so I did not get to cool down like I normally do in between the elliptical and the weights.
8.) While on the elliptical I was watching a woman who had to be at least 118 (remember what I said about the Middle of the Day being when the elderly come out to play) hobble along on the treadmill and I had one of my little imaginary scenarios of what would happen if she passed out and broke her hip and thinking that that would be a really horrible thing to happen at the gym, to pass out, because you just look so bad when you're there. What if they call 911 and send the cute paramedics? Are there paramedics who aren't cute? With my luck they would send the cutest ones they had. All single and Mormon and rich, and there I am looking sweaty and gross with greasy hair that I haven't washed in 2 days but meant to wash as soon as I got home. I promise! Oh, please don't let me pass out at the gym!
So what did I do? I passed out at the gym. Totally swooned. And they didn't call the paramedics. Rejoice!!! I had just gotten off of one of those machines that works your hamstrings and gluts, the one you have to lie down on, and I probably got up a little too fast and combined with the reasons in the list above, as soon as I sat down at another machine I suddenly had this feeling that I was falling backwards into a dark hole in the ground. The lights and the music and the voices in the room gradually got softer and farther away and all I was left with was the thought, "Don't pass out! They'll send the cute paramedics! Don't pass out!" I put my head back on the chair, closed my eyes and focused on the only two things that I was aware of - music playing somewhere very far away and the feeling of something on my forehead (it was my hand but I didn't realize that). Everything else was gone. And then those two things were gone and the next thing I remember was the music coming back on and a very tingly feeling on the top of my head, like the feeling you get when your foot has been asleep. I was out of the hole and I was relieved to see no cute paramedics staring at my sweaty face.
There were, however, two other women in the room who could not get over how pale my lips were. "You're lips! They're so pale! I've never seen lips so pale! Have you seen lips that pale? I never have." Yeah, I get it. Pass me some lip gloss and let's move on. They asked if I was okay and gave me a bottle of water and watched to make sure that color came back to my face, and lips, which it did. They made me sit there for about 10 minutes and after the room stopped spinning and my legs didn't feel like lead anymore I went home and had a big meal with plenty of iron. And the Bluebird of Happiness has returned to my heart. It has brought a head ache. I think I need a nap. Maybe a day in bed. Oh, if only I had a pink silk robe with lots of feathers and slippers with heels.