Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Where's my fainting couch?

Things you should know about me before we go any further:

1.) I'm borderline anemic (meaning that I've been refused more than I've been accepted when trying to donate blood. It does nothing for my self esteem).
2.) I'm all out of iron pills
3.) I'm all out of Cream o' Wheat, which is my go-to source of iron when I'm out of pills.
4.) When I don't get enough iron I am prone to dizzy spells
5.) I am frequently dizzy
6.) I worked out harder than usual on the elliptical machine this morning.
7.) The track at the gym was flooded so I did not get to cool down like I normally do in between the elliptical and the weights.
8.) While on the elliptical I was watching a woman who had to be at least 118 (remember what I said about the Middle of the Day being when the elderly come out to play) hobble along on the treadmill and I had one of my little imaginary scenarios of what would happen if she passed out and broke her hip and thinking that that would be a really horrible thing to happen at the gym, to pass out, because you just look so bad when you're there. What if they call 911 and send the cute paramedics? Are there paramedics who aren't cute? With my luck they would send the cutest ones they had. All single and Mormon and rich, and there I am looking sweaty and gross with greasy hair that I haven't washed in 2 days but meant to wash as soon as I got home. I promise! Oh, please don't let me pass out at the gym!

So what did I do? I passed out at the gym. Totally swooned. And they didn't call the paramedics. Rejoice!!! I had just gotten off of one of those machines that works your hamstrings and gluts, the one you have to lie down on, and I probably got up a little too fast and combined with the reasons in the list above, as soon as I sat down at another machine I suddenly had this feeling that I was falling backwards into a dark hole in the ground. The lights and the music and the voices in the room gradually got softer and farther away and all I was left with was the thought, "Don't pass out! They'll send the cute paramedics! Don't pass out!" I put my head back on the chair, closed my eyes and focused on the only two things that I was aware of - music playing somewhere very far away and the feeling of something on my forehead (it was my hand but I didn't realize that). Everything else was gone. And then those two things were gone and the next thing I remember was the music coming back on and a very tingly feeling on the top of my head, like the feeling you get when your foot has been asleep. I was out of the hole and I was relieved to see no cute paramedics staring at my sweaty face.

There were, however, two other women in the room who could not get over how pale my lips were. "You're lips! They're so pale! I've never seen lips so pale! Have you seen lips that pale? I never have." Yeah, I get it. Pass me some lip gloss and let's move on. They asked if I was okay and gave me a bottle of water and watched to make sure that color came back to my face, and lips, which it did. They made me sit there for about 10 minutes and after the room stopped spinning and my legs didn't feel like lead anymore I went home and had a big meal with plenty of iron. And the Bluebird of Happiness has returned to my heart. It has brought a head ache. I think I need a nap. Maybe a day in bed. Oh, if only I had a pink silk robe with lots of feathers and slippers with heels.


Ginger said...

Make up a shopping list....I'm coming over tomorrow after work. (I would come tonight but I have people coming over to help me with Family History) I don't know about the pink silk robe, feathers and slippers with heels, but I can get Cream of Wheat and iron pills. I'll throw in a bottle of 7UP and maybe some liver and onions. Please let me be a MOM.

Liz the Poet said...

Oh, my. Rachel, I can't believe you passed out! Let your Mom be a mom and get some iron in you!

(But, way to go with the hand on the head thing. I say, if you're going to faint, you might as well do it right!)

Laura said...

These sorts of experiences would be totally wasted on someone who couldn't tell a good story about it!

I'm anemic too - and have some of the same issues as you. My dad sent me an article recently that was playing up the magical iron powers of dried apricots. I have issues with any sort of dried fruit. I feel like fruit was meant to be all happy and juicy and alive. But when left in the sun to dry and's just sad. So, no dried apricots for me...but you might want to try them if you like that sort of thing!

Anonymous said...

I really think if they're willing to fortify sugar cereals they should also fortify chocolate ice cream with iron and fiber and calcium without making it taste gross. Because if chocolate ice cream were a good source of iron and fiber, anemia would no longer be a problem, and maybe the doctor would justify my need to eat a lot of it.

Andrea said...

You are so good at telling stories that I can picture this whole situation. I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you, and even more sorry to hear that you didn't meet any cute paramedics! Take care and load up on that iron!!!

Ms. Liz said...

Oh Rachel! Laura is pretty right, I'm glad these experiences aren't wasted on the non-story teller types. Spinach and eggplant are marvelous contributors too. AND - as a former boarderline anemic, be sure to take your iron pills with a vitamin c one as well. The extra acid in your stomach helps you to absorb the entirety of the iron, and not -uh - compicate the plumbing. ;)

Oatmeal has scrumptious amounts of iron as well.

Laura said...

That's true about the vitamin C. My doctor told me to drink a glass of OJ with my iron pill. And oats are definitely my favorite source of iron. Does it count if it's oatmeal chocolate chip cookies?

Karina & John Calderwood said...

Oh goodness!! I am so glad that you are OK.

Amanda said...

Oatmeal cookies totally count! I think chocolate has iron too right? It should! I think it is an anti-oxidant as well as high in B-12.
You always say 'Go big or go home.' Way to go girl!

Heather said...

I agree with Andrea--this experience would have been wasted on a non-storyteller. And they totally should have called the paramedics; in movies, it's always when the princess is slightly messy that the prince falls in love with her.

Anonymous said...

I know I am posting this late, but I just wanted you to know that I simpathize with you!!

I gave blood a few months ago and it was the first time in about 8 years because the time before I almost passed out during the blood letting. Well this time, I ate a good breakfast, completed my donation, sat and drank juice and had a cookie, then I got up and walked out of the room and went into the elevator by myself. I started to feel nauseous and warm... I woke up and I was laying half way out of the elevator on the ground floor and all I could hear was code blue erickson building (I was at the hospital where I worked) I just remember thinking.. "i'm not a code blue!!" They had to give me 2 liters of IV fluid in the ER before I could even walk! How embarrasing!
Don't think I will do that again!