Friday, November 9, 2007

A morning full of fake sneezes

We all have our morning routines. Here's my 4 year old monster-child neighbor's:

5:45 - Wake up
5:46 - Begin banging on the wall
5:52 - Start screaming that it's time to get up
6:00 - Finish screaming and get into the shower
6:01 - Fake sneeze
6:05 - Fake sneeze
6:08 - Practice break dancing routine
6:12 - Fake sneeze
6:13 - Fake sneeze
6:15 - Practice WWF moves
6:16 - Body slam rubber ducky
6:17 - Body slam again
6:18 - Fake sneeze and body slam at the same time
6:20 - Use bathtub as a Slip n Slide
6:22 - Start screaming that it's NOT time to get out of the shower
6:25 - Get out of shower
6:30 - Sneak out of the apartment and knock on door
6:31 - Giggle as mom yells about sneaking out of the apartment
6:35 - Brush teeth and fake sneeze
6:40 - Begin exiting the apartment
6:41 - Return to apartment for forgotten item
6:42 - Head down the stairs
6:43 - Return to apartment for another forgotten item
6:44 - Head down the stairs
6:45 - Run back up the stairs just because
6:46 - Back down the stairs
6:47 - Scream while getting into the car
6:48 - Fake sneeze out the window.


Laura said...

Don't we LOVE apartment life?

Amanda said...

And then you have to go to work and deal with annoying parents? How is that a fair shake? I would have to have a serious chat with the mother explaining that if you get woken up before 6:30am by wall banging and or fake sneezing you will have to insist that she contribute to your well being in another way since she is taking soo much. Suggestions would be: paying half your rent, buying you 2 gallons a week of Bert and Rocky's Ice Cream, You in Vegas with Wayne (backstage passes are the only acceptable option) or she needs to move by tomorrow. Let me know how she responds.

Valerie said...

Here's my concern: I've lived in two apartments (since college) and I've never had a loud neighbor, which leads me to wonder, am I the loud neighbor? Is it my reruns of The Office that are keeping people up? Is it me yelling for a towel at 7:00 am causing people to post blogs?
I have a plan, I'll move in next to you, and you can tell me.

Liz the Poet said...

My neighbor's (who will remain nameless, although if you live by me, then you'll know who they are because they're in our ward)children cry ALL! THE! TIME!

Seriously, ask my sisters. They will confirm.

I've woken up more times then I can count because of their crying, and I time my showers to avoid their bath time because of their crying.

They cry going up the stairs to their apartment. They cry leaving their apartment. They cry when their dad comes home. They cry when it's time to sleep, time to wake up, time to go to church, time for people to come over, etc.

Really, I say silent and vocal prayers of gratitude to Heavenly Father multiple times a day that I don't have children, because I would have joined a traveling band of carneys by now if they were my kids.

It is terrible. I mean, terrible.

Poor parents. Bless them.