Where can I get doggy diapers?

Dear Maynard,

Is there some kind of club you're the president of? A club, maybe, where you get together with all the other animals I watch and compare notes on how to best get me committed? I ask because it seems like you have passed on your favorite trick to little Trixie. You know which one I'm talking about, the one where you would stand outside and not pee because you preferred peeing indoors on the new carpet. There were several times when I nearly drop kicked you out the second story window (And it would not be the first time I have drop kicked a tiny dog. No, not the first.) because I could not take another night of waking up to the sound of you peeing on the floor beside me.

It's your right to pass on your wisdom, but I'm a little upset that you shared it with Trixie. She's always been really good to me. You may not know this but I was there when she left behind the rough and tumble life on the streets and became a Dog of Elegant Leisure. I was at work and a PE teacher from the middle school across the street brought her in and said that she found her roaming around the track. One of my bosses decided to take her home so instead of going to the pound she got to spend the afternoon curled up in a little ball on my lap. She was very sweet. And she was my very first house sitting gig. So she and her pal Brutus hold a special place in my heart. Why did you have to go and ruin it? She would not stop peeing in the house!

And I feel like I should warn you here. The student is now the master. She has totally surpassed you in number of indoor puddles in one day. Yesterday I had to clean up after her 5 times. And that was even with both back doors open all day long. She would sun herself by the pool for hours and hours and then prance inside and let loose on the tile.

You win. I always knew you would.

Regards,
Rachel