Wednesday, May 6, 2009

For the Birds

I think the birds of the world are up to something. They're hatching some kind of diabolical plan to take over the world and it's up to us to stop them!

Here's how I know:

1.) Liz was attacked by one. It's a good thing she's a C.N. (Certificated Nunchucker)

2.) One infiltrated Andrea's building (maybe to tap the phones or plant explosives or check out the snack situation in case of a lengthy stand-off.)

3.) Early in the morning the birds that live in the trees outside my apartment have been having some kind of heated war counsel. They shriek and chirp and yell at each other for hours. I'm pretty sure that they are rival gangs who have no choice but to come together in the name of Total World Domination. But they're not happy about it.

4.) There are plump little fledglings all over Las Brisas (I know they are fledglings because Liz pointed them out to me. She knows a thing or two about birds. Specifically birds who are trying to kill you.) They hop around the parking lot, looking adorable, and I have a feeling that while I'm distracted by their chubby cuteness the heavies are pecking away at the gas line in my apartment.

5.) Birds are suddenly ignoring my car. Three times in the last week I have come very close to squashing birds with my car because, even though they're looking right at me, they refuse to get out of the way. Yesterday one took off about a second before my car ran it over and instead of flying away from the car, it flew into my windshield! These birds are playing chicken with me and I don't like it. Their boldness is terrifying.

6.) I have seen four dead birds this week. FOUR! One just this morning. This is the one that really gets me because I think the birds are sending us a message that says: see what we did to our friends who resisted us? Imagine what we would do to our enemies.

I wonder if they're upset that the swine flu has kicked the avian flu to the curb

6 comments:

Stephanie said...

When we were at Disneyland, we noticed how brash the birds were. They would literally dive in front of us with their pointy beaks - just taunting us with their "we could skewer you if we want to" bravado.

I think it's a California thing.

ennbee said...

i think alfred hitchcock made a movie about this.

Liz W. said...

You know how I feel about birds!!!

I've thought for years that they have a plan to topple the government, thereby causing the world to collapse, forcing us out of our homes, so they can use our sofas. Cause sofas are softer than nests...

Rach said...

We had demon birds in one of the apartments I lived in. There was a hole somewhere they'd come in through, and they'd all perch in my houseplants in my room and dive-bomb me when I walked in. It was terrifying. And they left bird poop all over the coffee table. So, I'm with you Rachel. They're up to something, because why would you want to live in a houseplant when there is a huge oak tree outside? Incidentally, they are sort of how Tim and I were brought together, because he, as the EQ pres, would come shoo them out with a broom regularly. So maybe they were match-making birds that had social issues. I don't know. What I do know is that kamikaze birds mean something serious is going on. Good luck with that.

Mindie said...

Are they mockingbirds? Any of them? It reminds me of the movie "Failure to Launch" where Sara Jessica Parker's roommate gets her boyfriend to shoot the mocking bird with a bb gun and then has to do CPR cuz he actually hits it! i would like a bb gun sometimes. The birds are very annoying! And the dead ones, very gross and sad. TJ always says, Don't look over here, when he sees one. The dead babies are the worst.

Kim said...

Imagine if all those birds teamed up with my cats - the end of the world would be immanent. It's almost too frightening to ponder...