Sunday, November 20, 2011

I hope their turkey is dry too

Last night was rough.  I had to fight it out with Verizon for an hour and a half.

Me:  Do I need a new modem?
V: You may need a new modem.
Me:  So I need a new modem?
V: Maybe
Me: Can you just tell me?
V: I'm not saying you do, but you probably do.  Let me transfer you to someone who can sell you a new modem.
Me:  I hope the marshmallows on your candied yams burn on Thanksgiving.

All of this went on while I was having the Worst Cramps of my Life.  They were the full body kind that make you feel like someone took a meat tenderizer to your insides and then put on some brass knuckles and punched you a few times and then said mean things about your hair.  They were so painful that about an hour into the phone call I felt like I was about to black out, but then I willed myself to go on because so help me if all that back and forth was for not! It turns out that it was entirely for not as this morning Katie rearranged some of the wiring and ta-da we have internet again.

Which I am grateful for.  But I'm still hoping for disastrous yams.

Another thing I am grateful for...Los Angeles, and friends who want to have Adventures there.  Me, Katie, Heather and Andrea spent yesterday (before the Verizon/Cramp Summit of '011) cruising the city.  Andrea has lived here for several years but has never really seen anything so we took her all over the place.  Beverly Hills, the Farmers Market, the Biltmore, we rode Angels Flight (which is the cutest thing you can do in LA.  Best 25 cents you will ever spend.), and we capped it off with French dips at Philippe's.  I've lived here my whole life and you know how much I love it.  It's so much fun to show it off.  Maybe I should look into becoming a tour guide.  We saw a guy driving down Sunset in a van with no windows and the roof sawed off giving a tour to a family of red-heads.  I could totally do that.

And it has to be mentioned:  we started the morning off with breakfast at the Avocado House - Home of the Life Altering Cinnamon Swirl French Toast with Caramel Sauce.  I would not be surprised if that stuff could cure cancer.  At the very least it balanced out a night of cramps and a soul-crushing phone call with my internet provider.


Andrea said...

At first I was very confused because I don't remember spending the day with you in LA. Then I realized you have more than one friend named Andrea, which is fine by me. It just goes to show that Andreas make good choices when it comes to chosing friends. I'm glad you were able to show her a good time, sounds like a blast!
Hopefully by now your horrible cramps have subsided. I hear Chic-fil-a peppermint chocolate chip shakes are a good remedy for all that "time of the month" crap. Feel better!

Rach said...

A day in LA sounds like heaven. You make a great tour guide. I hate any kind of phone call with techies and/or customer service. I spent 3 hours on the phone with Bank of America once updating my address. It's aggravating. Now I make Tim do all the phone calls, because he doesn't lose his temper and hang up on them like I did one time when I was talking to our phone company. (We switched to cell phones only very soon after that.) I'm glad you got your internet back.

Angela said...

I am certain I have already spent enough time in phone queues for similar "issues" to equate to four normal people's lots in life, in respect to phone-queues. I feel your pain. Well, not the simultaneous cramping, but once during overtiredness that made me feel weepy and headachey and on the verge of dying from weariness (and drama).

Anonymous said...

I have had that discussion with Verizon. WORD FOR WORD. Shortly afterwards I paid them a lump sum to divorce them, rather than blowing up the building and paying that sum to society, and in retrospect, I made the wrong choice.