Dear Person Who Chose the Songs for Church on Sunday,
A little heads-up would have been nice.
I know that people who don't play the organ can't really distinguish between what's easy and what's hard but it was almost as if you chose from a secret handbook sitting around the clerk's office titled: Impossibly Difficult Songs to Play on the Organ that will No Doubt Bring Shame and Humiliation to the Poor Organist Who has to Play Them Because She Really Isn't Even That Competent to Begin With But Plays Anyway Because She Likes to Serve Where She Can Despite the Fact That She Has No Natural Talent for Playing as Evidenced by her Continued Butchering of Songs on a Semi-monthly Basis Which Manages to Kill the Spirit of the Meeting Every Time. I have no doubt the Deacons have put this out as they are always up to some mischief.
If such a handbook does not exist then you just so happened to luck into a trifecta of tough songs. "Who's on the Lord Side, Who?" (my favorite hymn/sea shanty) is tough but manageable at a decent pace, and "Behold a Royal Army" has a few challenging parts but I've worked my way through it before. So on any given Sunday I would have been okay with one, possibly even both of these with only a few minor flub-ups. But we took "Who's on the Lord Side, Who?" at warp speed and then we even took the sacrament hymn faster than I was prepared for, which made "Behold a Royal Army" more challenging than I was expecting because by that point my fingers were done.
I would have forgiven you for these but you didn't stop there. You had to put in "True to the Faith".
Let's talk about this song for a sec. I think every church organist will agree with me that this is the Widowmaker of all hymns. It's super fast and it has a bass line that doesn't stop. On a good day I can maybe get half the notes in but after playing the other two songs I already felt like I had run a marathon. Maybe you saw the look on Katie's face in the congregation when the song was announced. She looked over at me and grimaced and mouthed, "I'm so sorry." Yeah, so am I. Because this is not the only time this year that I've had to play it. It's the third - which, again, every church organist would agree is just plain mean. You're lucky I can't reach the pedals because if I had to play that bass line with my feet you would have seen me curled up on the floor in a pool of tears, which would have been enough to short circut the organ and then where would you be.
I'm happy to play the organ. Really, I am. But I'm just giving you fair warning that the next time I have to play "True to the Faith" it will be slow enough for you to wonder who died.
PS - Amy's comment just reminded me of another thing. They were LONG. Like 18 verses each. Were you trying to kill me?