Tuesday, April 27, 2010

This Train of Thought Has an Armpit Stop

This has ended up being a post almost entirely about armpits. I apologize.

1.) I read an article a while ago about how anti-perspirant causes cancer so I started looking for a natural alternative. Who wants armpit cancer? Not me. I picked up an all natural deodorant at the store and it made me smell like a sweaty water buffalo. No, seriously. Gamey. I smelled gamey. I would have smelled better if I had stuffed slightly used gym socks under my arms. So I tried another. Same outcome. And another. Again, with the water buffalo. And then I read an article written by someone who was equally concerned about armpit cancer and tested several different natural deodorants and came up with the best. So I got it and used if for a week and I'm sad to report that it was the worst of them all. I smelled gamey AND musty. I've given up my quest and am now back to my regular unscented cancer causing deodorant and I would like to personally apologize to anyone who may have been affected by my failed, and possibly foolhardy experiment. I think we can all agree that if I end up dying a few years earlier it was worth it.

2.) Did I ever tell you about the time I was working for the Doc and I had to spend 20 minutes ultrasounding her nephew's armpit? He had some kind of fungus there and the Doc believed that ultrasound waves killed fungus (Well, most ailments, really. It was one of her Secrets of the Orient.) so I had to spend 20 minutes rubbing an ultrasound bell over his armpit while trying to make small talk. We got on the subject of religion and it came out that I was Mormon and he was Jehovah's Witness so it got really interesting and ended up being kind of fun, if not slightly awkward. It is not every day you get to discuss the Plan of Salvation under such circumstances.

3.) That was not the first time I had had a religious conversation with a Jehovah's Witness during an awkward or uncomfortable situation. The first time was when I was 15 and doing driver's training with my Biology teacher, who happened to be of that faith. The three other kids in the car, all jocks, who went before me got asked about their practices and favorite teams. But when it was my turn and I was driving on the freeway for the very first time he kept asking me deep doctrinal questions like what did Mormon's think about Adam and Eve and original sin, what is the purpose of the Book of Mormon, what were our thoughts on capital punishment and if forced to kill someone (say, someone was attacking me and I had to do it in self defense) would I do so and would the church condone it. I'm proud to say that I maintained the speed limit and defended the faith but it was still one of the most angsty moments of my life. And armpits weren't even mentioned.

8 comments:

Rach said...

I'll add armpit cancer to my list of Diseases I Will Have. There is already heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, glaucoma, leukemia, breast cancer, and brain tumors in my family histoy. Once things go on that list, I forget about them. Then I can enjoy life. Plus, I sweat more than most men, so I really can't be running around with some weak excuse for anti-persperant when what I need is clinical strength. Too much information?

I discussed the Mormon faith while being sewn up after Jacob was born. Talk about an awkward time.

Heath said...

Oh armpits. It's such an ugly word, but definitely more descriptive than "axilla" or "oxter."

Haha--those are pretty funny words, I might start using them just to confuse people.

PS- "knee pit" is popliteal fossa. I expected to find a term like that when I googled armpit.

The Katzbox said...

This is a classic Rachelsaysso post. Bravo. Arm pits, Plan of Salvation, cancer, deodorant. It's all there. If it had a beat, you could dance to it.

Well done!


Hugs!

Angela Noelle of Striking Keys said...

Holy mackerel - I could have written that first paragraph! Well, except for the part about trying another natural deod. after the first proved to be such a stinker (pun fully, and unabashedly intended)...'gamey' is SOOOoo the word for what resulted. I gave up, and gave up fast. I still have the unused deodorant though.../scratching head. What does one do with such a thing when so opposed to waste, yet so opposed to being a stench-source?

裕以 said...

果然很有意思呀....這當然要頂一頂呀 ̄﹏ ̄........................................

Tammy said...

My sister is allergic to some ingredient in deordorant that gives her a rash, anyway she uses baby powder instead

Misha said...

My dad uses alcohol on his pits instead of deodorant. He swears by it, but I have not been brave enough to try it.

FabuLeslie said...

Lol! I had the exact same armpit experience as you before I started my blog. So I had to apologize via a short post on facebook. That's about the time I started realizing I needed more characters to say what I have to say than what facebook offers. Thank god for blogs!