Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Sumo Car Girl

I leave at roughly the same time every morning - that time being quarter after late. Because of this I occasionally see the same people on the freeway, people who should be my friends. Why you ask? Because they’re AWESOME! Here’s a list of some of them:

1.) Antenna Car Guy: He drives an early model gold Saturn that has like 20 antennas on it. One of them is about 15 feet tall. I like to think that he is using the antennas to talk to Martians. I bet he likes to think he’s talking to Martians too.

2.) Jesus Jeep Guy: Proud owner of a jeep entirely covered in Christian bumper stickers. Every window, every door, every square inch is shoutin' redemption! Including the spare tire cover that says, “Spared by Jesus.” Hardee-har-har.

3.) CCR Biker: An elderly gentleman who always smokes a cigar and wears a leather vest that has “Credence Clearwater Revival” stitched on the back. I hope the name tattooed across his chest is Proud Mary.

4.) The Rocket Bug Gang: This middle-aged couple drive a bright yellow VW bug. Every available space inside the car has miniature versions of the car, including a stuffed one in the rear window. The license plate says: RCKTBUG.

I bring these up because I had a bit of a tragedy yesterday. I have these sumo wrestlers sitting in the rear window of my car. They’re locked in battle and their top halves are on springs so it looks like they’re wrestling whenever I go over bumps. Well, yesterday, on my way to work, I turned a corner and heard a thump. I looked back in the mirror and saw that the pedestal the sumo were on was still there but both sumo had broken off at the ankles. Sigh. I like to believe that whenever I passed one of my favorite people on the freeway they would see my car and think, “Hey, it’s Sumo Car Girl!” (which is preferable to "Hey, it's Sumo Girl!") Sadly, this won't happen anymore. They are broken beyond repair and now it’s just two pair of stumpy feet. How is CCR Biker going to know it’s me he almost runs off the road whenever he weaves in and out of traffic?

I don’t know how it happened but I do have two theories:

1.) Samurai. My car may be infested with them.

2.) Ruby St. Germaine, the tragic lounge singer who lives in my cup holder.

She’s the jealous type and she may be sending a message. (Remind me sometime to tell you her story. It's a good one. Full of intrigue and betrayal, with a guest appearance by Elvis.)

Sidenote: I was almost plowed into by a VW Bug (not Rocket Bug!) yesterday. The interesting thing about this is that the driver looked to be about 19 and she was wearing a turban, just like Joan Collins in her Dynasty days.


Gina said...

I know the jeep guy. I used to see him on the way to work, and I would thin about why he was doing that. Does he believe that having his jeep decked out in redemption paraphenlia is going to get him into heaven? Yikes!

Sorry about the sumos. I believe it was Ruby.

Amanda said...

I am with Gina in that I think Ruby is at the heart of the problem. Now think back, was she out of place the morning of the incident? Had she been back there and not quite returned all the way to the cup holder? Are there any tears in her dress from a scuffle. Look for any evidence. I think it is her. She has always been a little bitter since she became a fallen car ornament!

Liz the Poet said...

Rachel, once again I laughed out loud and was forced to converse with my co-worker! Dang!

By the way, (and I'm saying this in a whisper, but I don't know how to type in whisper), it was Ruby. She told me about it. She said that the sumo guys were getting really cocky about their prime view of the road, and mocked her for the fact that she had to stay in a sticky cup holder.

She just couldn't take it anymore and had to cut them off at the knees, literally.

But, don't tell her I told you...

Liz the Poet said...

Hey, are turbans coming back in styled? Do you guys think I could pull off a turban? That would really cut down on my morning hair time.

Heather said...

WHAT?! No, it wasnt Ruby. She wouldnt have done something like that. She is so sweet!
(Ruby--see, I'm sticking up for you. We are friends. ...Please dont hurt my car...)

Ms. Liz said...

I think I'm gonna go with the Samauri actually. They're sneaky little buggers and have questionable moral compasses. Frankly you're lucky Ruby didn't get the axe as well. They don't like to leave witnesses. And Liz - no turbans are not coming back into style. Not for Fall at least. Winter is a possibility though.

Amanda said...

Liz W- I would give money to see you in a turban!! FYI if you are ever hard up for cash.

Ms. Liz said...

I could pull it off ;)