Monday, February 2, 2009

You can wait until 7 to tell me you've lost an eye.

On my way out of the gym this morning I walked by the office and I overheard the girl in there saying into the phone, "Okay, well, just call us when you're ready to renew." And I stopped and stared at her, eyes agog, as she hung up and crossed off a name from a list. I contemplated going in there and rubbing my sweaty shirt all over her face.

Because it was 6am!

Can you imagine that poor woman who had to answer the phone at 6am and hear, "Hi!! This is Shelly from the Spa!! It's time to renew your membership!!" Who would be awake enough to handle a call like that?! Only people who are crazy enough to be at the gym at that time. And I can tell you from experience that that may not even be the case. I have become very good at power-napping on the eliptical.

I can promise you that if I ever get that sales call at 6am my fury would be so great that it would travel through the phone lines and make Shelly's hair fall out. Even if I had just gotten home from the gym and it was 6:05 there would still be hair loss because how does Shelly even know that I'm not dead asleep? How does she know that I'm not snuggled down in my bed and when the phone rings the first thing that will run through my head is that it's my mom saying that my dad choked on his oatmeal and is in the hospital on life support, because why else would someone be calling me before the sun is even up? My phone should never ring before 7am. At the very earliest. 8 would be more acceptable. I am almost always awake at 6 but this does not mean I'm ready to talk. And I am certainly not ready to answer the phone.

This got me thinking of other acceptable reasons to call me at 6am besides my dad being on life support. Here's my list:

1.) You're in the hospital and you need a blood transfusion but the hospital is fresh out of O+ and so you call me to come down and help you out. You promise me cookies once you have recovered.

2.) You were out jogging and you passed by a Slurpee machine sitting on a curb that someone is giving away. You're sitting on it so no one else claims it until I can get down there.

3.) I was suppose to give you a lift to the airport and I'm not there yet because I probably overslept.

4.) You're my Wealthy Benefactor and you've been knocking on my door for the last 30 minutes because you want to give me a check before you fly off to some important business meeting, in which case I would sweetly tell you to put it under the mat.

Initially I thought that the death of a loved one would make the list but I'm going to honest with you and say that I would be much better prepared to take that kind of news in the 7 o'clock hour.


Camille said...

So I almost fell out of my chair from laughing so hard at the slurpee comment. I'm really glad nobody saw me at work. I would gladly sit on a slurpee machine for you at 6 in the morning.

Stephanie said...

Your list is perfect. Those are the only reasons anyone should call or bug anyone before 8:00 a.m.

I am saying this right before I go into the hospital where they think it is appropriate to take blood at 4:00 in the morning.

The Katzbox said...

I really really (did I mention REALLY) admire your restraint at NOT going into that office and doing/saying SOMETHING to that girl. What were her thought processes? Was she just trying to get the stuff out of the way before her boss asked her if she had completed the phone calling task? I'm sitting here with my mouth open, partially from my open-mouth smile after reading your hilarious post, and partially from being dumbfounded by this girl's action. I'm going back to reading your list again to just get rid of the annoyance of that girl. Let's see....O+, yea, that was good...feeling better....yea, the slurpee machine, very funny...feeling better still....oy, the airport, I just got back to town, I can definitely relate...and 4, yes! #4..."put it under the mat"...genius....okay! feeling fine now....thanks kiddo...

colleeeen said...

i realize now that i have no idea what my blood type is.

Valerie said...

Rachel, I just passed a slurpee machine sitting outside on my way to work. I questioned the givers, and they said it was in perfect working condition. I called, but due to the inconvenience of eastern/southern california time, you didn't answer. I had to leave it eventually. It's snowing here, and I couldn't feel my limbs.
Oh, Time. You've made fools of us again.

Rach said...

What is it with those darn perky morning people? Yes, I am usually up at the crack of dawn with the kiddos, but being "up" with the kids involves me wrapped in a blanket on the couch with the TV on the Disney channel. I think that a confusing time difference and your above-mentioned reasons are the only way someone can be excused from their inconsiderate phone call. I mention confusing time differences, because I accidentally called Emma at 1am once because I botched the time change to Germany. Oops.

Amanda said...

Luckily for you Rachel, if someone actually called you at 6am, you wouldn't have to talk to them for long because as soon as you spoke they wouldn't believe that you were a Miss Knecht, but rather Mr. Knecht.
That's the only happy thing I could get from an early am call.