Wednesday, June 17, 2009

My guess: International Jewel Thieves Down on their Luck

Yesterday I found myself sitting at a stop light and trying to figure out the story behind the person in the car ahead of me. Here are the details.

1.) Older model Corolla with a tinted driver's side window. No other window was tinted.
2.) The Driver had a nervous tick of shrugging his shoulders and cracking his neck. Like about every 5 seconds.
3.) He also had a very elegant fingers that he flourished about.
4.) He had a full mustache and looked to be Mediterranean.
5.) The Passenger was a very short woman. The top of her head only came up to the bottom of the head rest.
6.) I initially thought that it was a child but she had a 80's style feathered do. Like Jo's from the Facts of Life, only blonde.
7.) She did not move. Not an inch. Her head was slightly tilted off the side of the chair and it remained there through 2 red lights and the metered light on the freeway on-ramp.
8.) Maybe she was asleep, but the Driver was talking to her.
9.) There was a fuzzy teddy bear on the back of the seat (What is that called? The shelf behind the back seat?)(And WHY do people put stuffed animals there?)(Or boxes of tissue?)
10.) Dangling from the hanger holder (what is THAT thing called? The grip above the door in the back seat?) was a pair of hand cuffs.

Your thoughts, please.


Andrea said...

Oh wow. Not quite sure what to think of this, in fact maybe I don't want to know the truth. But I do have to say that the boxes of tissue on the shelf thingy has always annoyed me. Glad to see I'm not the only one.

Rob & Linder said...

I think it would be better if we decided to gar that shelf behind the rear seat something.The handle above the door is call an Ojeeze bar . It is called that because when drive is going too fast you grab it and yell OH Jeeeze we're gonna die or something. I was hoping there was antonym for dash so it could be the _____board.

Stephanie said...

The man is a commuter. He heard on NPR that commuters skin cancer, but only on the left side of their bodies. He is being responsible to his left side by tinting his window.

The woman was a doll . . . so he could use the carpool lane. The tissues (if he had them on the anti-dashboard) are a ruse as well. He never has snot in his nose, the mustache wouldn't allow it.

He was talking to the doll because he likes to hear his Mediterranean accent. This is, of course, a false accent. He practices so that he will seem competent when he woos women.

He's been in trouble with the law, so the teddy bear is a recording device set to start whenever he says the word "gobbledygook." This has kept him out of some trouble, but he is intent on keeping his nose clean. He has been successful, but mostly it's because the handcuffs remind him of his stint in the Chino Pen.

This is one of my most favorite activities. Finding a person and making them seem weirder than they probably are. . . what fun!

Anonymous said...

my thought is, you need to move away from california.

Erin said...

Reminds me of Throw Mama From The Train...

Rach said...

What an intriguing case! We call it the Oh heck handle. I think Stephanie's theories are all spot on. I love it. I like playing that game at the airport, and like to guess where they're flying and why. The mall is another good place to spot strange people.

Amanda said...

Who is this Stephanie gal? She is right on all counts. This guys name is Esteban and I'm amazed that you got his story so easily.

The Katzbox said...

How does Amanda know Esteban?...He's MINE!

Rob & Linder said...

It could be worse... He could be you new home teacher Brother Esteban Oharra. and he just needed a companion.

the freshmaker *ting said...

hahaha... i love this... my family called it the "oh crap" bar... and stephanie is so dead on and i was also informed by a patient of mine that if he caries a prescription by his MD for the tinted window- if he gets pulled over it is a "get out jail free card " so he won't get fined ... seems like he has it all figured out ;)