Does anyone else read GOOP? Gwyneth Paltrow's attempt to tell the world that she's a working mom so she's just like us, only ludicrously rich and blond and leggy and she's married to a rock star and has Steven Spielberg and Deepak Chopra on speed dial so they can tell us which bowel cleanse they prefer after they've indulged in too much baklava over the holidays? Yep, totally just like me.
And yet, it is definitely my guilty pleasure. Mostly because it is good for a laugh. And she sometimes puts lovely things up there. And I like looking at lovely things. So I'll follow the links and admire the lovely things and then I'll check the price and pass out. $500 for macrame place mats? Let's get real. I'm certainly not faulting her for being ridiculous. She's essentially a blogger and what is a blog but a place to tell people, "Hey, here's what I think." And maybe she thinks that $500 for place mats is a total steal.
But today she has gone from lovely to vulgar. She had her stylist friend chat about what's hot this spring, and along with the astonishing revelation that dresses are big she put up a cardigan that cost $1060.00. A cardigan. A little knitted sweater. A cardigan that costs the same as a months rent. A cardigan. Maybe you didn't catch that. A cardigan!
Now, she also put up a cheaper alternative for $50. But she was modeling the $1060.00 one like it was perfectly reasonable to own a sweater that would put food on my table for, oh, 10 months.
So I have compiled a list of Things I Would Expect of a Sweater That Cost $1060.00:
1.) It had better be magical. Like make me invisible when I want to avoid someone or at least make me a size 4.
2.) The buttons would look like pearls but would really be self-replenishing peanut M&Ms.
3.) Hugh Jackman would come with it and his job for as long as I had the sweater (which is forever because certainly that kind of money should buy immortality) would be to slip it over my chilled shoulders or hold it when I didn't need it. He would also need to sing show tunes to me from time to time.
4.) It would clean my bathroom.
I was going to ask you if you had all the money in the world, would you buy a cardigan that cost $1060. But I'm not going to because I think we both know that I would be totally judgy about your answer if you said yes.