"Don't put too much mustard on the hotdog, Captain"

The Fam spent the weekend up at Big Bear Lake.  It was, as anyone who knows my family can imagine, a 48 hour laugh riot.  Activities included playing games like Reverse Charades (no joke, folks, this is the Funniest Game I've Ever Played Period.), figuring out how to get the water on (we were at a friend's cabin and the city had turned the water off, unbeknownst to all of us), smoking out the game room by trying to light one measly fire, eating lots of ice cream cones, several trips down the Alpine Slide (weeeeeeee!!!!!), and watching Dad demonstrate yoga poses (could possibly rival Reverse Charades for funniest moment.)

In addition to all of that some of us took a boat tour around the lake.  This was notable for two reasons. 

1.) As we boarded the boat we noticed that a few people were a little over dressed.  There was an old woman in a fur coat.  Another with an enormous flower in her hair.  And a man dressed in a slick suit with one of those collarless dress shirts that I find so distasteful.  He was sitting near us and we kept calling him the Reverend.  Turns out we were right because halfway through the tour Captain Jack (really) announced that we were in for a surprise.  A couple was going to be married at the bow.  So we all headed out to watch the ceremony.  Super sweet.  It was just the two of them and their moms (Fur Coat and Flower Head), one of whom was totally surprised by it.  They exchanged rings that were still attached to those floating key chain contraptions.  And near the end a fisherman on a nearby boat must have caught something because he gave out quite a whoop.  It was joyous.

2.)  After the wedding we cruised back up the lake and passed by the town of Fawnskin (which years ago I visited and wrote about while lamenting about not having any friends with boats.)  Captain Jack asked if any of us remembered from earlier in the tour what the people who live there are called.  I was the only one to respond, "Fawnskinians." The captain was so excited that someone was actually paying attention that I decided to take advantage of the situation and ask if I could drive the boat.  Some of you may not even consider asking a captain if you can take the helm.  That just shows that some of you lack imagination.  One of the rules for a Life of Elegant Leisure and Grand Adventure is:  when given the opportunity to drive the boat, take it.  Who knows how many people you will impress when you open up a conversation with "So I was captaining a large vessel across Big Bear Lake..."  I am thrilled to report that he let me.  I made my way up to the wheelhouse and he handed me the captains hat and showed me how to keep her on course and continued on with the tour while I guided us to port.  After deftly avoiding running over a local fisherman I waved to the crowd to let them know everything was under control and Captain Jack (or, you know, my first mate) said possibly the best line all day, "Don't put too much mustard on the hotdog, Captain."  Which would become my life motto, except that I'm a firm believer in lots of mustard.  You don't get to wear the captains hat by skimping on the mustard.



Me, at the helm.





My boat.  A grander vessel there never was.