Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Dumbest Among Us

Dear Channel 7 ABC Eyewitness News:

I don't like watching the news for two reasons: 1.) The "reporter voice" with all those pauses and meaningful inflections drives me cray and 2.) The news doesn't actually report news anymore. For instance, a couple of weeks ago you reported on things that cause headaches, things that you claimed would surprise us, things like stress and not getting enough water or sleep. Here's something you may not know, that's not news. Why? Because everyone already knows that.

I only ever watch the news when I need to know how miserable my drive to work will be. Yesterday I didn't have the willpower to do it and that was my big mistake because the drive was gross. So today I turned it on and learned a few things.

1.) Interstate 5 is a major north/south highway
2.) Snow is tough to drive in, especially for truckers
3.) Snow gets even tougher to drive in when it gets icy
4.) The 5 usually gets shut down when it snows

Really? This is what you're reporting on? Possible snow in the Grapevine that's tough to drive in? The only people this would be news to are pygmy tourists who came to LA to see the Hollywood Walk of Fame but want to get up to Sacramento to see their cousin who married a visiting missionary and left the pygmy village for good. Everyone but pygmies knows what snow is, Eyewitness News! You don't need to report on it.

I feel like you're catering to the dumbest among us. And since that's not me I'm giving you up. I'll take my chances with traffic on the 10. Now, if there happens to be snow on that freeway you can send your reporter to West Covina to give the full report. That would be news.



Liz the Poet said...

I couldn't agree more!

Short story of no interest to anyone: for a class a couple of years ago, I had to monitor the nightly news on channels 2,4, and 7.

I had to tape them, give detailed list of topic discussion (including how much time was spent on what (the winner: sports, hands down, with double the coverage of anything else)), and then analyze the differences between the networks.

After having to do all this research, I've never looked at TV news the same way.

In fact, I avoid it.

Andrea said...

I also agree, but I do have to say that LA news is much more entertaining than Phoenix.

Laura said...

So true! I forgot how funny LA news can be...especially the inevitable "Storm Watch" coverage when a 2% chance of drizzle is predicted!

Heather said...

Ya, I cant take how unintelligent they must think we are, so I just dont watch the news anymore. I spent a few years yelling at the TV and being frusterated, but that was not a good way to start the I stick to reading articles I can skim through when needed.

Anonymous said...

I think the weather guys are the worst offenders. Once I know it's snowing outside (if I haven't looked out the window), I don't need my favorite shows interrupted every five minutes to tell me it's still snowing. Or raining, or too hot, or colder than it was that one time in 1928. They've got big heads. Weather balloon heads!

Amanda said...

And once you have seen one police chase on the freeway, you have seen them all. There is a letter that needs to be written.
Dear Stupid Idiot That Broke the Law and is Now on the Freeway Making a Run for It,

You won't get away! Stop now so you don't go to jail longer.


Ms. Liz said...

Pygmy tourists -
Thats brilliant. Honestly brilliant. You should write a childrens book on that one.