Dear Channel 7 ABC Eyewitness News:
I don't like watching the news for two reasons: 1.) The "reporter voice" with all those pauses and meaningful inflections drives me cray and 2.) The news doesn't actually report news anymore. For instance, a couple of weeks ago you reported on things that cause headaches, things that you claimed would surprise us, things like stress and not getting enough water or sleep. Here's something you may not know, that's not news. Why? Because everyone already knows that.
I only ever watch the news when I need to know how miserable my drive to work will be. Yesterday I didn't have the willpower to do it and that was my big mistake because the drive was gross. So today I turned it on and learned a few things.
1.) Interstate 5 is a major north/south highway
2.) Snow is tough to drive in, especially for truckers
3.) Snow gets even tougher to drive in when it gets icy
4.) The 5 usually gets shut down when it snows
Really? This is what you're reporting on? Possible snow in the Grapevine that's tough to drive in? The only people this would be news to are pygmy tourists who came to LA to see the Hollywood Walk of Fame but want to get up to Sacramento to see their cousin who married a visiting missionary and left the pygmy village for good. Everyone but pygmies knows what snow is, Eyewitness News! You don't need to report on it.
I feel like you're catering to the dumbest among us. And since that's not me I'm giving you up. I'll take my chances with traffic on the 10. Now, if there happens to be snow on that freeway you can send your reporter to West Covina to give the full report. That would be news.