The Doc is "EXTREMELY. CONCERNED."* about the consumption so she has prescribed the following course of treatment:
1.) Diathermy: This is a heat therapy we use in the office that consists of putting two large heating pads over the lung region and roasting the bacteria to death.
2.) An onion poultice: You chop up an onion, wrap it in cheese cloth, steam it, then tape it to your chest for 2-3 hours.
3.) Raw bacon: Place 3 slices of raw bacon around your neck and tape saran wrap over it and let it sit there for a few hours to draw up the blood and relieve some of the swelling in the throat.
I told her the only way I was going to do any of those was if I could do them all together so that the diathermy would cook the bacon and I would be both well AND delicious.
*She is also EXTREMELY. CONCERNED. about getting the wrong paper towels for the bathroom and the plants going a day without being watered. Which is to say that I am not extremely concerned in the least.
6 comments:
Wow. This can NOT be for real.
Maybe she'll have another suggestion that has to do with potatos or chicken. That way, after your few hours are over you can make some sort of soup!Soup is always great when you're sick, can't beat those extra fluids. But I do prefer a Z-pack. I think your post actually made me hungry...
I hope you feel better soon!
What if you put the bacon and onions inside the hot water bottle? At least, it will smell good while you're "healing".
in a wacky kind of way, isn't it nice to have an employer who is worried about you? now, there may actually be something to the onion poultice, but i draw the line at applying raw meat to my body. i hope the consumption is letting up, sickness stinks.
My mission president's wife was determined that an onion was the cure for anything. It was hilarious when we would go to Zone Conference and see Pres there and he would have onions taped to his skin. One time I got ticks from hiking on Pday and we called Pres to ask what we should do, in the background his wife says put onions on them. So of course he told us to put onions on our ticks. I am not sure if it worked or not, because we had tried everything at that point, so we were not sure which remedy had done the job.
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