Tuesday, June 16, 2009

PG-13 Gardening

This morning at the gym two of the regulars, Old Lady and European Old Lady*, were discussing their tomato plants and one said, "My girl plants are going strong but my boys aren't."

Um...maybe this is something that I missed in health class, so can someone please enlighten me? How can I tell if my tomato plant is a boy or a girl? And if it's a boy, how come there's two tomatoes on it? And if it's a girl, how did it get in the family way? Immaculate conception? Do I need to have one of each in order to have a successful crop? Should we even be talking about this? It seems a little personal.

*Other regulars include: Puerto Rican Lady, Opera Lady, Boob Lady, Little Mexican Mamita, Really Old Lady, and of course, Cat Woman.

8 comments:

Amanda said...

I've got no idea on this one. I'll make sure to skip out to my garden right away and begin a serious study of my tomato plants. Right after my nap.

Chris said...

I spoke with the biology teacher in my suite of cubicals and he enlightened me.

Some plants are in fact male or female, specifically certain species of pine trees, holly, and ginkgo, however most have both male and female parts. Among those that have both, many can produce fruit through self-pollenate, however some have to cross-pollenate with a different plant. For the long-term health of the species, cross-pollenation is better so that they don't perpetuate recessive traits through inbreeding.

Tomato plants are among those that do not need to cross-pollenate.

Love, Chris

Gina said...

Chris' comment cracks me up because it is a very serious discussion of the topic at hand, and then he ends, "Love", Chris. It's like he is his own columnist.

Amanda said...

I didn't know that plants could be inbreds! I'm going to interview my plants today and might need Chris' friend to come and have a chat with my garden. Don't want any inbreeding going on here.

The Katzbox said...

1. How did Old Lady and European Old Lady KNOW about girl plants and boy plants?

2. What do inbred plants looks like? Do they reside in isolated parts of the country? Do they experience shame? Does counseling help?

These questions and more...next, on a very special "Blossom".....

Ruth P. said...

Oh God. Is this for real? Are you all kidding along? Doesn't anyone garden anymore? Tomatoes come in varieties - Big Boy being one, Early Girl is another....
there are lots of names for the tomatoes. And those who grow and love them refer to them by gender, or whatever else they can come up with. Since both ladies are 'old', they are allowed short cuts. May you get that lucky.

Rach said...

All I know is that I think tomatoes are gross but I'm growing them for the love of my husband. Whatever happens to them is fine by me, as long as my cilantro makes it.

Mindie said...

Is this why ours are not turning red???