Thursday, July 1, 2010

It must be magic

I've been sucked into the World Cup. Maybe because I have a bracket to worry over. Especially now that my family has started a new tradition of prizes for the best bracket.

So I present to you several reasons why I don't like soccer and 1 reason I can't keep my eyes off of it.

I don't like soccer because:

1.) The field is too big and the players look like wee people,
2.) It is basically 90 to 120 minutes of failure. They shoot, they miss, the shoot again, they miss, they pass, it's intercepted, they pass again, intercepted again. And run and run and run and run and never get anywhere. Failure all over the place.
3.) Even though off-sides has been explained to me I still don't get it. Oh, I can tell you the details of it, but I can also tell you the details of how airplanes fly. The details don't stop me from being mystified.
4.) The players annoy me with all their fakery. I want to yell at them, "Get up, you big baby!" because enough with all the rolling around and grabbing your leg and whining. (Says the girl who cries when she gets a splinter.)
5.) The commentators don't yell "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL" on ESPN.

I can't keep my eyes off of it because:
1.) It's magic. No, seriously. It has to be some kind of weird voodoo because why would I enjoy watching men I can hardly make out spend 90 minutes basically not doing their job - which is to get the ball in the goal. And yet every time I sit down to watch a game I can barely turn away long enough to get myself another OtterPop.*

*As this is the second consecutive mention of OtterPops I would like to inform you that Katie found JUMBO OTTERPOPS at CostCo. I had to have two tonight to rehydrate myself after all the crying I did over a book. Now that is magic.

Amendment following this morning's game: CURSE YOU THE NETHERLANDS!!!!!!!! You have single handedly KILLED my bracket. Oh, Brazil, I had such hope.

9 comments:

Laura said...

Exactly how big is a JUMBO OTTERPOP? I mean, you can't just use the word JUMBO and have it be only 50% larger than the regular OtterPop or some sort of nonsense like that! If they use the word JUMBO, I want it to at least be the size of an actual otter. Now THAT would be JUMBO...and delicious!

I'm putting OtterPops on my shopping list right this second!

Bronwyn James said...

I'm with you on every soccer point, including not completely understanding offsides despite my ability to explain it to someone else. And that soccer players are kind of big babies. When football (as in American football) players are rolling around on the ground you know they are in trouble, like maybe out of the game for life. The soccer player is up the next minute running around again though. Fakers. But I'll watch any game that's on. What are your thoughts on golf? Depending on your answer you and I could be kindred spirits...

The Katzbox said...

I don't understand why they're called "otter" pops. It causes my mind to veer off in undesirable rationalizations.

Soccer guys should enjoy the fame now. This will pass and won't resurface for four years, unless it somehow "sticks" in our consciousness. Because up to this point, soccer just sorta hit us where we yawned (speaking of the heartland...)

word of the day: tramanam, which sounds suspiciously like a sedative.

The Katzbox said...

Oh my word!!! I just read my comments and they sounded rather negative. MY BAD. I apologize. I enjoyed the post. And I've actually seen the otter pops at Costco. To get me out of my sour mood, I'm going to invoke the "spirit of Rachel" and purchase some this afternoon as I drive past the big "C". There!!!

New word of the day: colymoth, which sounds like a delightfully happy flutterby.

Rachel said...

Katzy - When America lost I said, "That's 4 more years that we're not going to care about soccer."

And Bronwyn - I feel the same about golf as I do about soccer, only in different ways. The idea of it bores me to tears. And yet I have found that I get sucked into a tournament if I start watching it. Because I'm weak. For example I got totally caught up in the US Open a few weeks ago because the guy in the lead was wearing a cardie and I thought that was adorable so I watched. Curse you cardie!

teresa p said...

If you ever run out and it's a Sunday, I've always got OtterPops in my freezer. We have a 3 a day limit in my house, though. My mom's rules. Glad you like The Book Thief. I forgot how much it made me cry until I read your review. Beautifully written though, huh?

Stephanie said...

I love the Book Thief. I also love the otter pop - but alas, my daughter doesn't. I don't think you're allowed to have an otter pop alone - are you? So I've bought otter pops, but I don't even think about them until someone brings it up. Then I gobble one up while I force Annie to hold her otter pop until it's nothing but liquid (which she will happily slurp). What is wrong with my child?

Valerie said...

I feel like soccer is like movies with subtitles. As I begin watching it, I wonder to myself, "what did I like about this again?", and then, before 10 minutes has passed, BAM, I'm totally hooked.

Also, it fulfills my need (and, I suspect your need) for high stakes sporting events.

Bronwyn James said...

It's official. We're kindred spirits.