We had a little roller of an earthquake yesterday and I thought I'd do a public service announcement. Because maybe you're not from California. Maybe you've never been subjected to 13 years of public school earthquake drills where once a month the long bell goes off (the short bell is for fires) and you scurry under your desk until the all clear bell rings then you file outside to the open field with your class. Or maybe you have been through earthquake drills but never through the real thing. Or maybe you have been through the real thing but you're always sort of wondering what the best thing to do is.
Well aren't you fortunate that we're friends.
Because I am an expert at this. I know exactly what to do during an earthquake.
You stay where you are, but maybe sit up a little straighter to show everyone that you're alert and ready for action, and then have the following internal monologue:
"Oh brother, an earthquake. Okay, we're rolling. But is the jolt coming? Okay, there's the jolt. Was that a big enough jolt to be considered the Big One? It didn't feel like it was but who knows. Should I get up? Is it worth it getting up? Is it worth it getting on the ground for the Triangle of Life? The jury is still out on that anyways. Is it worth getting my clothes all dirty from lying on the ground? I'm going to look really dumb if I get on the ground just as it's stopping. Is this thing going to stop? Okay, should I get up now? How about now? This has been going on for a while now. It's got to stop sometime. I wonder what I should have for dinner. I think the milk has gone bad so cereal is out. I think I may have some tortilla chips somewhere. Nachos it is. Seriously, is this thing going to stop? Alright, it's slowing down now. I probably should have gotten under my desk to set a good example. I hope there's cheese at home."
And by the time you're done with the internal monologue it has stopped and you can commence the requisite Tales of Earthquakes Past with everyone in your general vicinity.
I should note that if you are in bed when an earthquake happens you simply interject a few thoughts concerning the location of your bra.