Thursday, July 8, 2010

What to do in case of an earthquake

We had a little roller of an earthquake yesterday and I thought I'd do a public service announcement. Because maybe you're not from California. Maybe you've never been subjected to 13 years of public school earthquake drills where once a month the long bell goes off (the short bell is for fires) and you scurry under your desk until the all clear bell rings then you file outside to the open field with your class. Or maybe you have been through earthquake drills but never through the real thing. Or maybe you have been through the real thing but you're always sort of wondering what the best thing to do is.

Well aren't you fortunate that we're friends.

Because I am an expert at this. I know exactly what to do during an earthquake.

You stay where you are, but maybe sit up a little straighter to show everyone that you're alert and ready for action, and then have the following internal monologue:

"Oh brother, an earthquake. Okay, we're rolling. But is the jolt coming? Okay, there's the jolt. Was that a big enough jolt to be considered the Big One? It didn't feel like it was but who knows. Should I get up? Is it worth it getting up? Is it worth it getting on the ground for the Triangle of Life? The jury is still out on that anyways. Is it worth getting my clothes all dirty from lying on the ground? I'm going to look really dumb if I get on the ground just as it's stopping. Is this thing going to stop? Okay, should I get up now? How about now? This has been going on for a while now. It's got to stop sometime. I wonder what I should have for dinner. I think the milk has gone bad so cereal is out. I think I may have some tortilla chips somewhere. Nachos it is. Seriously, is this thing going to stop? Alright, it's slowing down now. I probably should have gotten under my desk to set a good example. I hope there's cheese at home."

And by the time you're done with the internal monologue it has stopped and you can commence the requisite Tales of Earthquakes Past with everyone in your general vicinity.

I should note that if you are in bed when an earthquake happens you simply interject a few thoughts concerning the location of your bra.


Anonymous said...

Hahahahhaa! You are so funny! I haven't had to deal with one before, except one from California that we kinda felt in Las Vegas, but weren't even sure that's what it was until later. I would definitely be worried about my bra if I were in bed and it happened, but it does seem awkward to be among adults in real life and trying to decide how bad it's gonna get.. Such a funny post!

teresa p said...

I thought yesterday's was extra long. I was at work and had plenty of time to have both an internal and external dialogue. I figure if it's a big enough earthquake I need to get on the floor, I'll definitely know it (books falling down, etc.).

Becky said...

This is embarassing to admit, but I didn't even feel an earthquake yesterday??!!! Where the heck was I? Good post though :)

Laura said...

SO true! Only my internal monologue isn't nearly as funny as yours. Mine is more like: Oh boy...earthquake. Is this The Big One? Should I get in the doorway? What if the doorway is near glass? They always tell you to stay away from glass, so if the doorway is near glass, does that cancel the safety of the location? If so, which doorway is the furthest away from any glass? What if this is The Big One and I get hurt? What if I have to wander through the ruins looking for my loved ones? What if everything is nearly destroyed and someone comes in and tries to loot my house? What if people are I share my food with them? Even if it is only 100 calorie packs and a secret bag of chocolate chips.

And then that's about when the earthquake stopped and I knew it wasn't the big one and didn't have to worry about sharing my chocolate with anyone. Phew!!!

Stephanie said...

I love your internal dialogue. Mine is very similar.

My favorite part about earthquakes is that true Californians who have been through a lot of them will immediately turn on the news to find out where the epicenter is. It's almost like we're proving that we really went through something big.

We had a little earthquake in Phoenix a few months back and, even though I wasn't in California, I was glad I was with a bunch of Californians. We watched the news all afternoon.

The Katzbox said...

Great post. Tho I missed the most recent quake (being in Ohio), I have to admit that my internal dialogue closely resembles Laura's. A lot.

I think, "Where's my food storage? Do I have enough water? Which neighbors are going to be the most needy? Who's most likely to not be armed?"

Heath said...

Wow-->Non-Californians sure are lucky to have you! That internal monologue is 100% accurate. Especially the bra part. And the Tales of Earthquakes Past.

Rach said...

Way too funny. I remember doing drills in elementary school and have yet to apply that knowledge, so thanks for the tips.

Andrea said...

This is exactly why I moved from CA to AZ. Although on Easter we actually felt that earthquake that was centered in Balboa. Scary!

Angela Noelle of Striking Keys said...

What 宜FH定博林P'韓T彥 said.

AND...this was sheer brilliance. LOVED reading it.

courtney said...

on the nose.