So, it looks like this has turned into my Week of Lists. You know you love it:
1.) Chiquita left for a meeting and on her way out she said, "I want you to come up with a funny, witty email to send to our clients for the 4th of July." And then I started to panic because I'm no good at on-the-spot wit. I can think of a million funny things to say on my own time but when someone asks for just one I turn into Stonehenge. I'm the Stonehenge of wit. But even that's a bad metaphor because Stonehenge is funny sometimes thanks to the druids. Druid hangouts = funny.
(Addendum: I showed Chiquita what I had written and she made me change the line "Eating our weight in corn on the cob" to "Eating our way to Heavenly Bliss". Hello!? Corn on the cob is way funnier than heavenly bliss. This is another reason why I panic when I have to be funny. What if the person hearing the joke doesn't get the joke?)
2.) For the last few months our freeways have been draped in lap-band billboards. (Readers in So. Cal. - testify!) Because they're EVERYWHERE. I've seen them on every freeway in every county. And they're usually clustered. So you see one and then another and then another, all within a quarter of a mile on both sides of the freeway. What it's basically saying is, "People of the Greater Los Angeles Area: You're fat!"
3.) The owner of the drive-thru dairy down the street from my office has put a ball in a sock and attached it to a string that is hanging from the rafter of the car port. He spends his down time hitting it with a cricket bat. It makes me want to pull in and get a Super Fudge Pop and have him explain the game to me.
4.) The chicken in my chicken quesadilla tasted a few days old. And there was a bone attached to it. I'm not making this up. So I would like to ask the good people of Claremont: Why do you love Patty's so much? You rave like loons about it, and yet I've always been underwhelmed.
9 comments:
I like your way with the corn on the cob part better. Don't listen to Chiquita, she doesn't know anything. Wasn't she trying to disinfect with air freshener the other day?
When I read about the super fudge pop at the drive through dairy, I almost fell out of my seat with longing. I neeeeeeed a big stick, and a sidewalk sundae . . . and milk that is so cold it hurts your teeth. I would even put up with crazy sock/ball/cricket man if I could have these things.
If Chiquita wants wit-on-demand, she needs to buy a Shoebox greeting card with that scary old lady on it. There. And "Stonehenge of wit", by the way, is HYSTERICAL. If someone made me write something that was NOT funny, that was SUPPOSED to be funny, I would totally sign her name at the bottom...hehe...
And those lap-band signs? Word! Not only do they think Southern Californians are over-weight, apparently they think we all have ADD as well and can't go more than 50 yards before we forget something we've just read, which was 3 stories high...
And hey, when people are voting for you, they need to read the blog names really carefully because there is a blog that is nominated called, "I Said So"....and they wouldn't want to confuse it with yours....I'm just sayin'....not that I did that or anything....well, not more than once....but I learned, and that's the more IMPORTANT thing, right?...RIGHT?.....
*tumbleweed..............*
When we were on our trip in May we noticed early on the propagation of lap band billboards in So Cal. And then we went to Utah, and all the billboards there were for cosmetic dentistry and teeth whitening. The majority of billboards in Texas are for cut-rate car insurance companies. Interesting sociological study possibilities with this topic...
Having spent the last five days in CA, I can testify that the lap-band is everywhere. But someone needs to comment on the girl in the ad. She confuses me.
Super fudge pops rock!
Heather Wilson won't go to Patty's because it has a B rating. Cracks me up every time I think about it. I've only had her food once, and it was decent. I mean, it was no Taco Bell... but decent.
I have things to say about #1 and #4.
#1 Someone once told me: don't explain your jokes. Your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you anyway.
It's a mantra to live by.
#4 Why don't you go ahead and pipe down about Patty's. You're probably just ordering the wrong thing. A quesadilla? That's your problem. Quit fooling around and order a burrito like a normal person.
Corn on the cob is always a better phrase. Just ask Tim. He slips it into most conversations. I'm glad Chiquita is a nice boss, because if she weren't, plus she didn't get the joke, your job would be a funeral.
The billboards in Mississippi were all for Bail, DUI attorneys, and super cheap car insurance. And that's why we moved.
If I found nasty chicken in a quesadilla, I wouldn't go back. There fear of a repeat would outweigh the chance of a good meal, and I'd be eating with a cloud over my head the whole time.
Amen! about the lap band billboards and Gina: i know, right! if i were lisa kudrow i 'ld be upset, because i keep having to take a double take thinking that Lisa Kudrow had to get the Lapband and thats why she is so thin and lanky on "Friends"...
btw the corn is funnier.
yup, corn is funnier.
about restaurant ratings: when we lived up yer way, we looooved to eat at Sanamluang cafe, a truly awesome Thai place in Pomona. When LA county came out with the ratings, they totally failed. FAILED. They re-opened with a percentage grade (yes, that's bad). We went back immediately, despite the fail, because we'd been eating it for years, what did we have to be afraid of? They finally squeaked up to an A (or maybe a B, who knows?), but then the food was just never as good. So i don't know if they stopped putting delicious dirt in the food or what, but the rating system ruined my favorite restaurant and obviously a decade later I have not forgotten. harrumph.
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