Thursday, August 5, 2010

It won't make me look like a marshmallow

Do you know what the number one thing is that people say when they find out I will be living in Tunisia for 3 months, after "Where is Tunisia?"

They say, sort of squealy like, "Ooh! You could meet someone there!" As in I could find a husband. As in I have a better shot of finding a single, non-weird, employed Mormon guy in north Africa than I do here.

Well, since it's such a sure bet it's lucky that I found this:

No, not the chocolate covered pretzels, although I'll take one if you're offering. The dress. I'm talking about the dress. Laura is getting married so she has a stash of wedding magazines and I was flipping through one while we were waiting in line for the Michael Jackson sing along and found this dress. I didn't say a word, I just held it up for the girls to see and without any hesitation or discussion they all collectively said, "Yep. That's your wedding dress."

It was a bit of a magical moment for me and I'll tell you why. I have never been one of those girls who for years has been working up her dream wedding in her mind. I just could never imagine it. Imagine Abba getting back together and them asking me to join as a backup singer/choreographer/costume designer/hair stylist? A dozen times. But a wedding? Nope. And what I especially was never able to envision was a wedding dress. It's the whole white and formal and long business that would trip me up every time because white and formal and long do not mix with short and stumpy. Plus, and probably more importantly, I can't even get a date. So wedding type stuff doesn't ever enter my head unless I'm watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and then it is mostly disgust and cynicism at how much money people are willing to spend on just one day.

So when I saw this dress it surprised me to no end. Because it wasn't white and formal and long and it had elbow sleeves and a great neck line and a cinched waist and tulle peeking out from underneath! And for crying out loud, that gold bag! It calls to me in my sleep. And beyond the surprise it was an enormous relief. Because if by chance I meet some guy who is willing to 1.) marry me and 2.) go along with my (genius!) idea of a bowling alley reception and we can convince his mom that it won't be as tacky as she thinks it will be (okay, maybe a little tacky.) and I feel like I need to dress up a little instead of wearing a bowling shirt with "Bride" stitched onto it like I have always intended, it is such a load off my mind to know that I actually have an option.

Let's hope that my Tunisian Boyfriend is game.


Laura said...

Oh my goodness! It is 5:45 am and I'm in my office laughing hysterically!! Good thing I'm the only one here this early!! I'm so glad I could help all your wonderful wedding visions! I think the retro style of this dress fits in PERFECTLY with a bowling alley reception! You could get some white bowling shoes and someone could bedazzle them for you! And you could get a white sparkley bowling ball to play with!! Perfect!

Stephanie said...

I think I will love you in this dress. So will your Tunsinian boyfriend. I just ask that you let me help you coordinate the food at the reception. I promise there will be ample nacho cheese!!

You're the best, Rachel!

Chris said...

I volunteer to bedazzle the shoes!

colleeeen said...

I do hope you find a smoking hot Tunisian boyfriend. You are not my only single female friend, and the singles scene does sound pretty much like a horror show. And that is a GREAT dress, oh my gosh!

The Katzbox said...

The dress is STUNNING. Absolutely gorgeous.

Tunisia? Color me jealous.

Sarah Alexander said...

Rachel I am so excited to tell you that Tunisia is the capitol of single, employed, mormon men! You make my day!

Rach said...

It's perfect. The dress, I mean. And the beautiful blue shoes and gold bag that go with it. And also the plan to catch your Wealthy Benefactor in Tunisia.