Thursday, July 18, 2013

Toilet rats

1.  Seminary training started this morning.  At 6am.  I have given up on the idea that I will ever be a morning person.  It's just not going to happen.  I'm never going to leap out of bed.  Or be enthusiastic about it when I eventually get up.  I missed my exit on the drive out to the training.  And then I missed it again after I turned around because my brain hadn't caught up with me yet. But, I have a magic on/off switch that as soon as I need to start interacting with people I can do it.  This was helpful this morning, especially when I had to play the piano first thing. 

2.  I have been swimming so much these last few weeks that I actually have tan lines.  Well, more like lines from a layering of minor sun burns.  And the color variation is like albino white to egg shell white.  But it's definitely there. This is a first for me.

3.  I read the Most Horrifying Article Ever Written In the Entire History of Horrifying Articles.  I will not link to it. But I will tell you that it was about how rats can climb up your drain pipe and come out of your toilet.  Even if you're on a top floor apartment!!! The helpful suggestion they gave was that if you see one coming up you should shut the toilet lid and put something heavy on top because there are probably more coming.  And then you should pour dish soap on them because it will prevent them from floating and then you should flush the toilet.  I have a few things to say about this.  1.  If I see a rat coming at me from the toilet I will die. I mean dead as a dead thing.  2.  If I manage to survive the initial shock I will certainly shut the lid but I will not have time to put something heavy on top because I will be too busy running for my life.  3.  If I manage to make it through the initial shock and close the lid and put something on top there is no possible way that I would ever, ever open the lid to put dish soap in there. That's just insane. Like I want to open the lid to a bunch of angry wet rats who specifically crawled up my drain pipe to kill me.  Please excuse me while I go hyperventilate in a corner.

Pleasant dreams!!

8 comments:

Andrea said...

I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight after that one. In fact, I may never use a toilet ever again.

Laura said...

Oh my goodness that is disturbing. I am totally picturing it. And I'm wondering what heavy things I have in the immediate vicinity of my bathroom, because if you left it alone in your toilet and ran to find like a brick or something, it would surely get out and hide somewhere. Nightmares!

Camille said...

Ugh, ew, heebie jeebies!!!! This may be TMI but I might have to invest in some adult diapers well before the normal age. Ewwwwwwww

Erin said...

I'd much rather rats than snakes. There's a couple at church who had a giant (and yes, poisonous) snake who climbed into their washer through the pipe. I would never go back to my house. Like ever.

Husband has just been called as the early morning seminary teacher. He's not a morning person either.

Lisa Coleman said...

I've been awake for hours tonight with a massive case of insomnia & now I'm hyperventilating trying not to wake my husband with hysterical laughter. ..too late...he's hyperventilating too...

Stacy said...

Picture me reading this post about rats and laughing out loud to myself while the kids are still sleeping in the morning, except for Ben because he really is a morning person, which I really can't understand because he's related to you and Sam.

Rach said...

This just confirms my fear of being bitten on the bum while sitting on the pot. And now I'm going to grab a cinder block to keep by my toilet. I wonder if Clorox keeps the rats away. I have those tablets that put bleach in the toilet with every flush. I'm going to tell myself it kills rats dead. Then I can sleep tonight.

Empress of Venus said...

Because that early 2000s spam email about the toilet spider wasn't enough? I would reinvent the chamber pot if that thought wasn't equally as horrible.